Sequels that Never Should Have Existed, Even if They'd Been Good
Which they aren't. At all. Not coincidentally, most of them single-handedly stopped the franchise in its tracks.
Some sequels I get. Even if the Transformers sequels keep getting worse and worse, it makes sense for the studios to squeeze as much as they can out of their cash cow. But in some cases, the studios should recognize that a movie's success was just lightning in a bottle. Everything that the filmmakers had to say was said well enough in the first one, and there was just nothing left to explore.
Some sequels I get. Even if the Transformers sequels keep getting worse and worse, it makes sense for the studios to squeeze as much as they can out of their cash cow. But in some cases, the studios should recognize that a movie's success was just lightning in a bottle. Everything that the filmmakers had to say was said well enough in the first one, and there was just nothing left to explore.
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- DirectorJoe BerlingerStarsJeffrey DonovanStephen Barker TurnerErica LeerhsenA group of tourists arrives in Burkittsville, Maryland after seeing The Blair Witch Project (1999) to explore the mythology and phenomenon, only to come face to face with their own neuroses and possibly the witch herself.ADMISSION: I HAVE NEVER WATCHED ANY PART OF THIS MOVIE. After the underwhelming letdown that was "The Blair Witch Project," I wasn't gonna waste my time.
- DirectorTroy DuffyStarsSean Patrick FlaneryNorman ReedusBilly ConnollyThe MacManus brothers are living a quiet life in Ireland with their father, but when they learn that their beloved priest has been killed by mob forces, they go back to Boston to bring justice to those responsible and avenge the priest.The original had already worn thin on me. It's rarely so easy to tell that a sequel is gonna be bad just by knowing that it exists.
- DirectorAllan ArkushStarsJackie MasonRobert StackDyan CannonWhen a crass new-money tycoon's membership application is turned down at a snooty country club, he retaliates by buying the club and turning it into a tacky amusement park.A horrific sequel to the greatest comedy of all time.
- DirectorAndrzej SekulaStarsKari MatchettGeraint Wyn DaviesGrace Lynn KungEight strangers awaken with no memory, in a puzzling cube-shaped room where the laws of physics do not always apply.This was an odd series of movies. They could have been so much more. But, as it turns out, the sequels seemed to miss the point of the original. Also, the original kinda sucked. Specifically, the problem was that the entire series was a solid foundation, and nobody knew what to build on top of it.
- DirectorErnie BarbarashStarsZachary BennettStephanie MooreMartin RoachA young programmer whose job is to watch over the reality-warping Cube defies orders to rescue an innocent mother trapped in one of its rooms.
- DirectorRussell MulcahyStarsChristopher LambertSean ConneryVirginia MadsenIn the future, Highlander Connor MacLeod must prevent the destruction of Earth under an anti-ozone shield.I would include all the Highlander sequels on this list, but this is the only one I've seen.
- DirectorBob ClarkStarsCharles GrodinKieran CulkinMary SteenburgenIn this sequel to A Christmas Story (1983), it is now summer in the Parker family and the usual number of events is happening in their separate lives.I know this as "My Summer Story." Like anybody who's seen "A Christmas Story," I was excited to learn that they were making a sequel to it. But this was a serious letdown. I saw it when it was brand new, but never again.
- DirectorGeorge MillerStarsJonathan BrandisKenny MorrisonClarissa BurtA young boy with a distant father enters a world of make-believe and magic through a portal within an antique book.A conversation from around 1992:
Me: HEY! The Neverending Story 2! I've been wanting to see this. Let's watch it.
My friend Carl: No, you don't want to see it.
My brother Kenny: Yeah, I already saw it, and it sucked.
Me: No. I really want to see it.
Carl: No, he's right. It sucks.
Me: Okay. I want to find out how much it sucks.
Kenny: That's exactly what I said. You do not want to see how much it sucks.
Me: If it sucks so bad, Carl, why do you still have it?
It went on this way for a while. We ended up watching it, and Kenny and Carl were right. - DirectorJeremy KaganStarsJackie GleasonMac DavisTeri GarrA team of cons is planning a new scam involving betting on a boxing match but one of its past victims aims to exact revenge by eliminating the whole group.I can honestly say that I'm not really sure if I've seen this movie. Whether that means it's that forgettable, or my memory is just that bad, I don't know. I do remember parts of it. I think I started channel surfing, and then wound up watching something else.
- DirectorBob ClarkStarsJon VoightScott BaioVanessa AngelA group of smart-talking toddlers find themselves at the center of a media mogul's experiment to crack the code to baby talk. The toddlers must race against time for the sake of babies everywhere.Here's another movie on the list that I've never seen. I consider "Baby Geniuses" to be the worst movie I've ever seen through to the end. I consider it to be one of Hollywood's lowest moments that they actually made a sequel to that one.
- DirectorStuart BairdStarsTommy Lee JonesWesley SnipesRobert Downey Jr.U.S. Marshal Samuel Gerard and his team of Marshals are assigned to track down Sheridan, who has been accused of a double-murder.This wasn't terrible, just kinda bad. But it was suspect from the beginning that they decided to change the focus of the plot from one movie to the next. Weak.
- DirectorStephen SurjikStarsMike MyersDana CarveyChristopher WalkenThe inseparable duo try to organize a rock concert while Wayne must fend off a record producer who has an eye for his girlfriend.Maybe I should cut them some slack on this one. It is, after all, the sequel to the ONLY GOOD MOVIE that was based on a Saturday Night Live skit.
- DirectorRobert KlaneStarsAndrew McCarthyJonathan SilvermanTerry KiserLarry and Richard use a voodoo-revived corpse to track down hidden money to clear their names.Not many movies insult the audience's intelligence as much as this one. And yes, OF COURSE I saw the original, and know how far it expects you to suspend your disbelief. But that was at least fun in its absurdity. This one is just plain stupid.