10 Worst Movies of 2009
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- DirectorCharles BurmeisterStarsVal KilmerBobb'e J. ThompsonRichard EdsonA thief tries to fix the damage done during the biggest heist of his career.Val Kilmer runs around in a park for a whole day. Sorry I just told you the whole movie. I guess the reason Columbus actually had a day is because he made the prescient career move of actually arriving somewhere. If you want to see Val Kilmer wondering al fresco for ninety minutes then this is the movie for you.
There is really nothing wrong with the acting. The story is just so boring. Endless phonecalls here and there to persons that are not introduced so you have to guess who it may be and that just makes it more confusing. Sudden laps in time back and forward but without
indication on whats past and what is present. The filming is very nice but would fit better to a romantic comedy. Endless panoramics over the park and closeups on people doing ark things is nice for so many seconds but not through a whole movie. - DirectorLynn SheltonStarsMark DuplassJoshua LeonardAlycia DelmoreTwo guys take their bromance to another level when they participate in an art film project.What a disappointment. This film started off promisingly, with a very funny premise that is established in a semi-believable way. Sadly, that is really all there is to the film. The funny premise leads nowhere, it is just milked and milked and milked until the audience is no longer laughing, but rather just waiting for it to end. Believability also starts going out the window about halfway through the film, with characters acting and reacting in ways that no human would, but are required contrivances to keep the story rolling along. This is not daring film-making, this is shabby & gutless - even setting back the male gender a few years.
- DirectorGrant HeslovStarsEwan McGregorGeorge ClooneyKevin SpaceyA reporter in Iraq might just have the story of a lifetime when he meets Lyn Cassady, a guy who claims to be a former member of the U.S. Army's New Earth Army, a unit that employs paranormal powers in their missions.In The Men Who Stare at Goats, George Clooney, as one of the founding members of a crackpot U.S. military unit, wears a mustache that makes him look like Dennis Farina, and he does his best to act cool, calm, and collected - which sets him in marked contrast to all the flakes and hysterics around him.
“More of this is true than you would believe”, says the opening title card. Clooney plays his part as if all of it is as true as the law of gravity. The point of any conspiracy theory is not usually to convince us of its accuracy but to unsettle our once-satisfied minds. We're left with no answers and many questions, and perhaps that's the point here. However, in the end, "Men Who Stare at Goats" is truly as pointless and absurd as actually performing that task. - DirectorJames CottenStarsRay LiottaAndy GarciaEsai MoralesThe unstable new kingpin of a Tijuana drug cartel is targeted by an assassin for elimination.The film is short of dialogue and any real character development, instead relying on visuals and the score to create atmosphere, set scenes and keep the story moving along, Some of the editing and camera work seems a bit attention deficit disorder orientated as well, with perhaps a time limit of a couple of seconds placed on any one shot. This film was a big let down both with the twist ending and the inclusion of a 'Taliban' plot, both of which were unnecessary and I thought damaging to the credibility of the rest of the film. Not only that, but after an hour and a half or so of portraying Tijuana as a seedy *beep* full of thugs, thieves, gangsters and hookers, the director had the audacity to insert a big 'what a wonderful place Tijuana is and what wonderful people live there' message just at the start of the closing credits.
- DirectorJohn Will ClayTurner ClayStarsJohn Will ClayAshley MorganBret HopkinsWhen a prototype weapon is stolen from a government facility a software engineer unknowingly becomes involved when he receives the key disk needed for detonation. With no help from authorities he is forced to team up with a suspended FBI agent to stop the group of criminals from destroying a major US city.“Interception” doesn't work, period. “Interception” is frustrating throughout, all those distractingly unnecessary moments, all those groaner clichés, all those thickheaded scenes. It’s a homemade clunker trying to pass itself off as a big league blockbuster, and while a little bit of inventiveness just might have made such an effort work, that little bit just isn't here. You go into “Interception” wanting to give it a fair shake - and come out wishing you never did.
- DirectorSam MendesStarsLeonardo DiCaprioKate WinsletChristopher FitzgeraldA young couple living in a Connecticut suburb during the mid-1950s struggle to come to terms with their personal problems while trying to raise their two children.Life sucks and then you move to the suburbs, or maybe it's the other way around. In one word "BORINGGGG!". "Revolutionary Road" wants to be an aching, melancholy drama that reveals bitter truths along the way, and that is certainly a fine ambition. Unfortunately, Mendes has made a film that often just leaves you feeling indifferent.
Despite some good qualities, this type of material has resulted in better movies several times before (Married life). "Revolutionary Road" is overly melodramatic and will bore you to tears. See the afore mentioned "Married Life" if your interested in 1950's suburban ennui but by all means avoid this film. You'd be better off just turning it off after the first sex scene. There's nothing much worth watching after that. - DirectorDarren Lynn BousmanStarsPaul SorvinoAnthony HeadAlexa PenaVegaA worldwide epidemic encourages a biotech company to launch an organ-financing program similar in nature to a standard car loan. The repossession clause is a killer, however.Repo: A Genetic Opera is about a future society where a big corporation butchers people on the street when they don't make the payments on their organs (and you thought your credit card company was tough!) Of course, everyone is singing when this is going on. The special effects crew worked overtime in providing us with gallons of gore.
This is a worthless piece of work through and through. Not a single song sounded like it was written by someone with ears, and the performances of them were even worse. The acting was just as bad, making several failed attempts at drawing an emotional response from the audience. Not only did the film suffer from poor performances, but it was executed poorly. Dizzying Cinematography and the constant cuts almost induced seizures. Unfortunately REPO failed to live up to its hype, it had nothing to say, and little entertainment value.
I know I'm gonna hear it on this one because some people seem to think this is the greatest thing since sliced bread but I stand by my choice as one of the worst movies of the year. - DirectorHarold RamisStarsJack BlackMichael CeraOlivia WildeAfter being banished from their tribe, two hunter-gatherers encounter Biblical characters and eventually wind up in the city of Sodom.Making a solid summer comedy starring Jack Black, Michael Cera, David Cross and Hank Azaria should be so easy, a caveman could do it. Despite the presence of those reliable actors and the highly advanced skills of comic veterans Harold Ramis and Judd Apatow behind the scenes, "Year One" manages to be a dud. "Year One" in a nut shell is nothing short of toilet humor. The flick uses piss and poop as well as crude sexual innuendo rather than any real humor. The effect is more vomit inducing that funny. The movie takes gross and unexpected turns in every direction. From licking poop, to
sacrificing sons, to burning virgins for rainfall, there is no explanation for any of it.
To quote Joe Neumaier of the New York Daily News "the one person who'll be happy after walking out may be Will Ferrell, since 'Land of the Lost' is no longer the only turkey around." - DirectorBrad SilberlingStarsWill FerrellDanny McBrideAnna FrielA space-time vortex sucks scientist Rick Marshall, his assistant Holly and a survivalist Will into a world populated by dinosaurs and painfully slow creatures called Sleestaks.There is exactly one funny bit in "Land of the Lost," and it stands out because it comes at the very beginning and the very end. The jokes come not from the film’s ridiculous premise or even from the outlandish situations Will Ferrell is thrust into. Most of those are played seriously. The film only attempts to be funny whenever whatever CGI action moment it’s just put us through is over with and Ferrell stands around to engage in semi-improvisational speeches designed to make himself look like an ass. Land of the Lost isn’t the butt of the joke, Will Ferrell is.
- DirectorOren PeliStarsKatie FeatherstonMicah SloatMark FredrichsAfter moving into a suburban home, a couple becomes increasingly disturbed by a nightly demonic presence.The buzz surrounding writer/director Oren Peli’s popular 2007 “found footage” horror outing “Paranormal Activity,” has been, in a word, astronomical. And OK, I finally fell for the hype and went to see this so called horror film on Halloween evening. It's making a ton of money and a couple million people can't be wrong can they?
Ummmm, I hate to break it to you but .... yes they can.
"Paranormal Activity" garnered and "R" rating which completely baffles me. There is absolutely zero nudity, zero violence, zero blood and guts. And the one 'sex scene' is missing because Katie tells her boyfriend to turn off the camera as she is too shy to be filmed while doing it, which is too bad since Katie has HUGE ...... tracks of land. A little gratuitous nudity might have saved this Halloween turkey.
Don't see this movie. It's not worth the money. But if you're a huge horror fan and your expectations are suitably low, then by all means try out this 97-minute implied-horror movie. But be forewarned - it's crap!