Married... With Children
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- 1987–199722mTV-PG7.5 (522)TV EpisodeDirectorGerry CohenStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseWhen another complaint from a fat woman at the shoe store results in Al losing his parking space and being reprimanded not to insult anymore fat women, he, Jefferson and the rest of his mens club NO MA'AM seek out a legendary guru macho man to teach them how to battle political correctness. Meanwhile, Peggy, Kelly, and Bud hide a secret refrigerator full of food from Al.
- DirectorGerry CohenStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseJefferson reveals his secret past to Marcy when he tells her that he is a ex-CIA spy in a witness relocation program. Meanwhile, Al gets conflicting emotions when he is offered a $50,000 reward by a certain Walter Traugott, a shady thug who is looking for Jefferson. Elsewhere, Peggy has a toothache from a broken tooth, and Kelly and Bud dress up as bums at the mall to acquire more cash for themselves.
- DirectorSam W. OrenderStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseAl hires Aaron, a recent Polk high school graduate, to work in his shoe store for the summer. Aaron sees Al as a hero and when he announces of his decision to marry, Al takes full advantage by giving the boy the benefit of wisdom not to ever marry and become like him and millions of other long-suffering married men: losers. Meanwhile, while working as the Verminator, Kelly accidentally gets a face-full of bug spray which causes her to start behaving very strangely.
- DirectorTony SingletaryStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseOn Halloween night, the Grim Reaper (in the form of a dark-haired, pasty-faced Peggy) finally answers Al's inadvertent long cried call for death and won't leave him until one of his family members say that they need him. Meanwhile, Marcy convinces Peggy, Bud, Kelly, and Jefferson to impersonate the Village People at a party she's hosting honoring female spouse murderers.
- DirectorLinda DayStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalDavid GarrisonAl flunks his written drivers test the same day that Kelly passes hers, leading him confined to the house and unable to get to the racetrack to bet on an important horse race.
- DirectorSam W. OrenderStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseWhen Al finds out that Bud and Gary are dating, he and Griff decide to take advantage of the situation like a break room.
- DirectorGerry CohenStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearsePeggy goes out dancing with Marcy, and becomes taken with a handsome man-about-town named Andy. At home, however, Al gets confronted by Andy's wife, Pete.
- 1987–19971hTV-PG8.0 (731)TV EpisodeDirectorGerry CohenStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalDavid GarrisonAl has finally saved up a lot of cash to buy his family a ton of presents they want this year. Unfortunately, a mob of late customers in the shoe store prevents him from getting to the bank and retrieving the money he needs.
- DirectorGerry CohenStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalDavid GarrisonWhile driving Peggy back from the video store, Steve gets cut off in traffic and Peggy gives the driver "the finger." Steve then asks the Bundys to come over at his and Marcy's house to watch some videos as protection when he's afraid of a violent reprisal when he is followed home by the man. When there's a knock on the front door, Al convinces Steve to take the first punch... and Steve ends up knocking down a midget.
- 1987–199722mTV-PG7.7 (485)TV EpisodeDirectorAmanda BearseStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseAl buries his "dead" Dodge in his backyard and has a funeral ceremony for it. The collectors still desire the spare parts and Peg still intends to sell them. At Bud's request, Marcy goes through Al's financial records and declares that Al can't afford a new car. Al decides to prove her wrong and goes to a car dealer. Meanwhile, Jefferson's secret past helps him to locate a fuel pump for Al's old Dodge.
- DirectorGerry CohenStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseTired of Al escorting her dates out through the doorway, "grown-up" Kelly gets her own apartment.
- 1987–199722mTV-PG7.8 (503)TV EpisodeDirectorAmanda BearseStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseWhen Al goes too far with the fat insults, he's put on trial by all the obese women he has insulted over the years.
- DirectorGerry CohenStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseBud's belief that his 40-year-old teacher is romantic interested in him is greeted by laughter from everyone. But another student smells the smoke and wants the fire for herself. Meanwhile, Peggy has a cold which prompts Al to keep his distance by going out every night to a Chuck-E-Cheese restaurant for some free pizza by crashing little kids birthdays parties. Can Bud keep two girls or will he suffer from a humiliating Bundy defeat?
- DirectorGerry CohenStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseAl and No MA'AM decides to hold a counter protest in the favor of banning breast feeding from the shoe store.
- 1987–199722mTV-PG7.8 (489)TV EpisodeDirectorGerry CohenStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseAl's beloved Dodge is fading away. Through a frantic "emergency operation," Al manages to "stabilize" the Dodge's condition, but it still needs constant "life support". He is unwilling to let the Dodge go because he has fond memories of his father and the car, so he calls for a car doctor, who sees that the Dodge needs a fuel pump "transplant". Since those fuel pumps are a rarity, the doctor suggests that the car be "harvested" for spare parts instead, which would sell for a high price. This, of course, is completely unacceptable to Al. While he fights to keep the Dodge "alive" and looks for a new fuel pump, Peg and the kids already start auctioning the spare parts.
- DirectorSam W. OrenderStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseAl opposes a forced car pooling until he learns that three lingerie models are in the group, only to discover the models are full-figured. Al and his group are then chosen to promote a campaign by the local health board to appear in commercial advertisements to clean up over-polluted Chicago; but, when Al and the ladies are asked to picket outside a chemical plant where Kelly works as the Verminator spokesmodel, Al must decide whether or not to help close down the plant and make Kelly lose her job or give up his fame and fortune. Meanwhile, no one seems to care after Bud announces that he has made the Dean's List at college.
- DirectorAmanda BearseStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseIt's Thanksgiving. In Al's childhood, it was a tradition to eat aunt Maddie's potato pie on Thanksgiving, so Al takes a trip with Griff to see aunt Maddie in order to buy some pie. Unfortunately it turns out that she's just died. Jefferson can't find a turkey for Marcy because they've sold out. Then a stray turkey just happens to follow Kelly home. Will Kelly let the others eat it?
- 1987–199722mTV-PG7.7 (486)TV EpisodeDirectorMark K. SamuelsStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseAl agrees to let Peg invite the Darcy's and Griff (plus one) to an evening party in exchange for a month of no sex. As a party game, the pairs test their knowledge of the other half. Unfortunately, Al has forgotten the most romantic night between him and Peg, who throws him out to the doghouse, literally. Meanwhile, Kelly is auditioning for a role, but faces stiff competition from her nemesis Heather Talrico, another blonde bimbo. Kelly challenges Heather to a boxing match; the loser has to give up the role.
- DirectorAmanda BearseStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseUsing their tax refund money, Jefferson and Al bet heavily on a college football game that they are guaranteed to win. But that's before Trumaine's prized, not-so-bright quarterback Chad, who is being tutored by Bud, falls in love with Kelly, whom she pleasantly distracts from his training. Al must find a way to keep them apart at all costs after he finds out that other shady parties have also bet heavily on the game as well.
- 1987–199723mTV-PG8.0 (538)TV EpisodeDirectorGerry CohenStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseA borderline war between the neighbors over the rights to a fruit tree, with a lesson to be learned somewhere, if only they would stop fighting.
- DirectorAmanda BearseStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseBud's community service assignment for college is the one he is least suited for: consulting virgins on the brink of temptation, while he has to wrestle with temptation himself when he has to go to one's house to talk her out of it. Meanwhile, Al and Peggy go to the video store to find a movie they both can watch together.
- DirectorGerry CohenStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalDavid GarrisonThe Bundys' latest money making scam is to host a foreign exchange student in their garage. But the French beauty proves to be so popular that she ends up stealing all of Kelly's boyfriends.
- DirectorGerry CohenStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearsePeg wins a cruise but decides to take Al and the Darcys along with her, leaving the kids at home with Wolfman Jack, but as always, misfortune follows.
- DirectorSam W. OrenderStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseSince Bud is actually earning money, Al starts charging rent for the basement. Bud and Al sign a lease and Bud pays his rent, after which he claims that the "apartment" is in need of repair. A health inspector declares the basement condemned and gives him a month to get the basement repaired. Al then is forced to wear an electronic neck band that prevents him from leaving the basement.
- 1987–199723mTV-PG7.4 (597)TV EpisodeDirectorGerry CohenStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseThe Bundys delight in their comped trip to England, spending here, spending there. All the while, the town of Upper Uncton conspires to kill the Bundys outside Lower Uncton, so the curse will remain and Upper Uncton can still rake in profits as a tourist town: the town beside the town in darkness. Finally, Winston and Igor bring the Bundys to Lower Uncton. The execution was imminent. Al and Bud would meet certain doom. Their only hope (unfortunately) was Kelly.
- DirectorGerry CohenStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseLonnie is freed from prison because it was overcrowded. He asks Al's blessing for marrying Kelly. He even has a ring. Turns out that Lonnie is one of the Tots who owns Tot Industries, makers of Weenie Tots. Suddenly, Lonnie is most welcome to the Bundy family.
- 1987–199722mTV-PG7.8 (504)TV EpisodeDirectorGerry CohenStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseAl is kicking Peg and the kids out of the house so he can watch Death Wish 6 3-D in privacy on pay per view. But Bud also needs the house for himself: his pen pal, Starla, is getting out of prison and is coming to see him. Unfortunately, Starla decides to rob the Bundy's at gunpoint. It turns out that she has escaped and is on the run, so she ends up holding the Bundy's hostage. Starla also has a dim-witted boyfriend, to whom Kelly becomes attracted to, and the feeling is mutual. Then the D'Arcy's, who are about to leave on a charity masquerade cruise, barge in and end up hostages as well.
- DirectorGerry CohenStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseA man offers the Bundy's $10,000 if Buck will breed with his champion dog, Lady Bird. So, Al has to coach Buck into knowing the varieties of breeding with other dogs the proper way. But needless to say it goes wrong and Al is stuck with the bill. Meanwhile, Kelly becomes Bud's fashion counselor and dresses him up in medieval costumes.
- DirectorTony SingletaryStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseKelly is back as the Verminator, Bud is off to the frat house, and a run of good fortune convinces Al that the Bundy curse, dictating that every silver lining hides a thundercloud, is about to strike him down.
- 1987–199723mTV-PG8.1 (712)TV EpisodeDirectorGerry CohenStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalDavid GarrisonA toothache forces Al to see Marcy's dentist, a divorced man who devotes as much of his time to his work as he does to his young female dental assistant. At the same time, Al pressures Peggy to cook him just one square meal.
- 1987–199722mTV-PG7.7 (615)TV EpisodeDirectorGerry CohenStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearsePeggy tries to earn her G.E.D. with Kelly in night school.
- 1987–199723mTV-PG7.9 (594)TV EpisodeDirectorGerry CohenStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearsePeggy sends Bud and Kelly to spy on Al at the shoe store for the day to confirm her suspicion that Al's recent giddiness is the work of an extramarital affair rather than Al's claim that he's only been flirting with a "shoe groupie" at the shoe store.
- DirectorGerry CohenStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalDavid GarrisonMarcy regrets denting Steve's new car when he claims that she's made him impotent.
- DirectorSam W. OrenderStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseBud sends poor Kelly on a wild goose chase to find 'Waldo' so that he can have run of the house making out with a wayward blonde. Meanwhile, with nearly 1,000,000 miles on the family jalopy's clock, Al gets an incredible offer from the Dodge company for a brand-new Viper.
- DirectorGerry CohenStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseWhen Al moves a sofa off a neighbor's lawn without a shirt on, he unexpectedly gains a reputation as a "stud" among the neighborhood women. Uplifted, he starts taking showers and wearing elegant clothes, and his performance at work improves dramatically, as does his popularity with the ladies. Needless to say, Peggy is both jealous and unsettled - her husband is acting very unlike-Al.
- DirectorSam W. OrenderStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseMarcy is up for a promotion, but to get promoted, she needs to impress her Japanese boss, Mr. Shimokawa, by serving him dinner and presenting him her grateful neighbors, the Japanese Bundys. Of course, she needs to bribe the real Bundys to stay out of sight for the duration of the visit. However, it just happens that Mr. Shimokawa hears the sound of Al's Dodge 1971, a car missing from his collection. To ensure her promotion, Marcy needs the car for Mr. Shimokawa. But what will it take to get Al to give up his car?
- DirectorLinda DayStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalDavid GarrisonThere's a new light in the neighborhood when Bud brings home an attractive, free spirited, 21-year-old artist named Tiffany on her way to art school in New York and everyone likes her, except Marcy for Tiffany steals the attentions of Steve as well.
- DirectorGerry CohenStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseWhen Kelly becomes successful on a kid's television show, she becomes a total bitch and control freak. Her manager, Bud, decides Princess Kelly should be taught a lesson she will not forget. Meanwhile, Al tries to avoid sharing a bed with Peg by sawing off half of their bed as she is tempted to have sex with him in bed.
- DirectorGerry CohenStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseKelly has a big zit on the day before her commercial for Ice Hole beer and Peg offers her a solution. Her uncle Sticky Wanker's zit removing potion will cure it. Al is ecstatic for her being in the commercial, despite being upset over not having tapes of Emma Peel. The Home Shopping Network has offered him a compromise, endless first edition volumes of The Three Stooges, which he also loves. His real problem is with Marcy and her feminist group. They recently filed suit against Ice Hole beer for not hiring average and unattractive women. It had gone nowhere as the jury ruled for the company and FANG is forced to protest against the commercial.
- 1987–199723mTV-PG7.3 (587)TV EpisodeDirectorGerry CohenStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseThe Bundys are cornered by both towns. Upper Uncton wants them dead so they can continue to profit as a tourist trap while Lower Uncton wants them dead so they can end the curse. Al moves to defend himself and soon finds himself in a medieval joust opposite Igor. Who will emerge triumphant? And will the curse ever be lifted? The fate of all rests in the hands of the lowly shoe salesman from America.
- DirectorGerry CohenStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseMarcy wants the Bundys to stay indoors because her "identical" cousin Mandy is coming for a visit and Marcy does not want her to be repulsed by them. Mandy's flight, however, is early and she takes a cab. Since the D'Arcys are at the airport waiting for her, she comes to the Bundys. This leads to Mandy spending the day out with Al and Jefferson. Suddenly Peg and Marcy find themselves jealous.
- 1987–199722mTV-PG7.6 (500)TV EpisodeDirectorGerry CohenStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearsePeggy wants to take a holiday in Branson, Missouri, but Al says he can't afford it. The prospect of all-fried food and only twin beds available, however, make him change his mind. Lucky has to stay behind in the care of the D'Arcy's. Then Marcy feels the urge to act out a dirty fantasy at the Bundy's. In Branson, the Bundy's get a room at the Deliverance Inn (yes, just like that movie). Peg and Kelly take part in a country music talent contest.
- DirectorGerry CohenStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalDavid GarrisonSteve returns home having grown a beard from a week-long rafting trip. He and Marcy get into a huge argument over his reluctance to shave it off, leading him to move in with the Bundys.
- DirectorAmanda BearseStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseWhen Major League Baseball goes on a strike, NO MA'AM organizes their own league sponsored by nude bars.
- 1987–199723mTV-PG8.1 (514)TV EpisodeDirectorAmanda BearseStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseWhen the Bundy TV set blows its condenser, Al decides to try out for a place on a new sports trivia game show, hoping to win $10,000 for a new TV set as the first prize. But when he is denied because of his lack of personality, Al tries to transfer his knowledge of sports to Kelly to win the show for him. But for each fact that she takes in, another falls out.
- DirectorGerry CohenStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalDavid GarrisonSteve, Marcy, and the Bundys head out to Steve and Marcy's cabin in the woods, but the merriment is halted by Kelly's PMS. The men leave for a bit to go out fishing, and return to all three women menstruating and hostile. When a bear attacks the car, Al hilariously attempts to stop him.
- DirectorGerry CohenStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseIn this pilot for a proposed new TV series, set on Trumaine University's radio station, W.H.I.P., DJ's Oliver Cole and Mark Campbell host several hours of unconventional and overlooked programming. After a probing interview, divulging the past of Trumaine's new dean of students, Steve Rhoades, both Oliver and Mark are kicked off the air and expelled from the college. Marcy arrives and upon hearing the news, she tries to get revenge against her ex-husband by leading a feeble on-air protest against their expulsion. But their protest doesn't attract much attention. Meanwhile, Bud is dating April Adams, a fellow student and intern from Marcy's bank, who is also being pursued by Nickolai Pushkin, a rugged, handsome basketball star from Russia. When Bud desperately attempts to steal April's affections away from Nickolai, Mark happens by and secretly broadcasts the conversation over the station and calls it "Hot Talk With April." Mark, Oliver, and their new show become so popular that dozens of people turn out for the protest, in which Steve backs down and lets them stay on the air and at the college. April ends up rejecting both Bud and Nickolai, as well as a job at Marcy's bank to remain with Mark and Oliver at their radio station.
- 1987–199722mTV-PG7.5 (486)TV EpisodeDirectorAmanda BearseStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseGary declares a sales contest between Al and Griff - the winner gets a raise. However, an appearance of an immigrant child who works in Gary's illegal sweatshop gives Al a better idea than selling shoes.
- 1987–199723mTV-PG7.7 (592)TV EpisodeDirectorGerry CohenStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseAl, Kelly, and Bud travel to Hollywood after Kelly's talk show becomes a hit with the TV networks in which Al tries to get into show business with his lame TV show ideas, Bud tries to score with some of the actresses, and Kelly is happy to be a star.
- DirectorGerry CohenStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseAl and Jefferson decide to cash in on 1970s nostalgia by selling shoes from that period.
- 1987–199723mTV-PG8.1 (672)TV EpisodeDirectorGerry CohenStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseWhen a second floor aerobics studio, full of terribly overweight women, collapses into the shoe store, Al is laid off while the store is being repaired. Al then gets a night job as a security guard at his old high school, Polk High. This prompts his former high school rival, Spare Tire Dixon, to steal his prized trophy which leads to a brutal showdown.
- DirectorGerry CohenStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseAl is cut from the neighborhood softball team just before the big game. When his all-star replacement is knocked out in the last inning, however, his team and family have to come crawling back.
- 1987–199723mTV-PG7.9 (647)TV EpisodeDirectorGerry CohenStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalDavid GarrisonWhen a Playboy playmate walks into Al's shoe store, he's eager to get home and look up her October 1987 issue. But Al is a broken man when he finds out that Peggy has sold his entire Playboy collection to get money to buy a good luck charm to win the lottery. The ghost of Al's father later appears and convinces him to get some self-respect.
- DirectorAmanda BearseStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseIn order to get a $20,000 contract of a model for a national olive oil brand, Kelly has to sign a Morals Clause, which requires that she remain chaste. This proves to be a difficult task. Meanwhile, Al hears that Officer Dan is appearing in Al's favorite TV show, Cops, and blackmails him to become his partner.
- DirectorAmanda BearseStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseAl gets an owl costume to scare away the birds who keep him awake. To impress Amber, Bud helps Kelly to learn archery for her audition.
- DirectorGerry CohenStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseTold from the point of view of Buck, he runs away from the house feeling neglected. Behind a diner, he picks up a female dog, whom he brings home. He quickly regrets it, as the new dog gets all the attention from Bud and Kelly. Meanwhile, Al is obsessed with getting a taste of his favorite cherry cheesecake from a restaurant in Wisconsin.
- DirectorGerry CohenStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalDavid GarrisonNewly unemployed Steve decides he doesn't really want to work, so he fritters away his days with the Bundys, visiting zoos and taking fishing trips. The strain this puts on Steve's relationship with Marcy who ends up going out with Al to a local bar where they swap stories about their failing marriages. But the conversation between Al and Marcy reaches its peak when Marcy has to decide whether to use the $25,000 reward she earned by foiling a bank robbery, sustaining a gunshot wound in the process, to buy a new car or to bail out Steve, who has been arrested for "rescuing" Bosco the tortoise from the local zoo.
- DirectorGerry CohenStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalDavid GarrisonAl desperately tries to fix the house's leaking roof during the weekend of a long rainstorm. But each time Al falls off the roof, it makes Peggy and the kids wonder if he's too stupid or too cheap to call a roofer to do the job. Meanwhile, Steve lands another job at a pet store in which Marcy suffers side affects after getting bitten by a venomous guinea pig.
- DirectorGerry CohenStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalDavid GarrisonAl decides to open a shoe emergency hot-line with help from Steve in the form of a $50,000 loan. But typically, Al's get-rich-quick scheme backfires when nobody phones in. When Marcy gives Al a second $50,000 loan to repay the original loan, the Bundys and the Rhoades join together in a downward spiral of failure when Al instead sinks the second $50,000 into his failing shoe hot-line, which results in Steve losing his job at the bank, Marcy getting demoted, and Al ending up being the loser as always.
- DirectorGerry CohenStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseLonnie is freed from prison because it was overcrowded. He asks Al's blessing for marrying Kelly. He even has a ring. Turns out that Lonnie is one of the Tots who owns Tot Industries, makers of Weenie Tots. Suddenly, Lonnie is most welcome to the Bundy family.
- 1987–199722mTV-PG7.7 (486)TV EpisodeDirectorMark K. SamuelsStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseAl agrees to let Peg invite the Darcy's and Griff (plus one) to an evening party in exchange for a month of no sex. As a party game, the pairs test their knowledge of the other half. Unfortunately, Al has forgotten the most romantic night between him and Peg, who throws him out to the doghouse, literally. Meanwhile, Kelly is auditioning for a role, but faces stiff competition from her nemesis Heather Talrico, another blonde bimbo. Kelly challenges Heather to a boxing match; the loser has to give up the role.
- 1987–199722mTV-PG7.8 (504)TV EpisodeDirectorGerry CohenStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseAl is kicking Peg and the kids out of the house so he can watch Death Wish 6 3-D in privacy on pay per view. But Bud also needs the house for himself: his pen pal, Starla, is getting out of prison and is coming to see him. Unfortunately, Starla decides to rob the Bundy's at gunpoint. It turns out that she has escaped and is on the run, so she ends up holding the Bundy's hostage. Starla also has a dim-witted boyfriend, to whom Kelly becomes attracted to, and the feeling is mutual. Then the D'Arcy's, who are about to leave on a charity masquerade cruise, barge in and end up hostages as well.
- DirectorAmanda BearseStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseAl is planning a get-together for the guys and they'll be watching wrestling from cable. Al wants Peg to help, but she declines. Then Peg has an accident where she hits her head and gets amnesia. Kelly, Bud, and Al are then amazed to see Peg cooking, cleaning, and doing other housework. They decide to milk the situation for all it's worth.
- 1987–199723mTV-PG7.5 (574)TV EpisodeDirectorGerry CohenStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearsePeggy and Marcy's constant demands for belly rubbing and expensive baby accessories drive Al crazy, prompting him to make a run for it. He and Jefferson end up at a bar connected to the bus station and watch semi-nude dancing girls while talking about a new and better life without their wives.
- DirectorAmanda BearseStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearsePeggy, jealous that Al is spending all his time at The Jiggly Room, decides to try out on amateur night while Al and the No Ma'am boys judge it. She wins the competition dressed as a harem girl named Jasmin, wearing a veil over her face. Al is turned on like never before, and he and Peggy have their best sex ever.
- 1987–199722mTV-PG7.7 (492)TV EpisodeDirectorAmanda BearseStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseIt's Christmas. Al doesn't want a Christmas tree, the rest of the family do. Marcy is determined to win the neighborhood decorating contest. Gary hires two young guys, Hal and Biff, to help Al and Griff at the shoe store. Someone (actually Bud and Kelly) kidnaps Mary and Joseph from Marcy's Nativity Scene and demand $500 in ransom. Hal and Biff turn out to be such good workers that Gary decides to replace Al and Griff with them, permanently.
- DirectorGerry CohenStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseAl and his men's group NO MA'AM decide to form their own church in order to avoid paying beer tax. When Marcy and her women's group FANG expose Al's plan to the public, NO MA'AM surprisingly receives sympathy and donations from thousands of long-suffering married men in America which makes it possible for them to open their church. Al becomes a televangelist and preaches the NO MA'AM way of life.
- 1987–199722mTV-PG7.8 (581)TV EpisodeDirectorMark K. SamuelsStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseGary is restocking the shoe store and donating all the old shoes to Filipino orphans. When the lunch delivery girl accepts old sandals as payment because Al and Griff have no money, they realize that the shoes have trading value. Meanwhile, Kelly finally gets her masseuse license, but accidentally cripples Bud when trying out her skills on him.
- DirectorGerry CohenStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseBud has discovered that Ariel gets turned on by life-threatening situations and has decided to stage a fake tornado in order to get some from Ariel while they seek shelter in the Bundys' basement. Peg confirms that danger does in deed turn women on. However, a real twister appears in Chicago and the rest of the Bundys and the Jeffersons also have to seek shelter in the Bundys' basement. Which also means that Peg and Marcy get turned on...
- DirectorGerry CohenStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseBud and his three "frat bros," Hindu Achmed, fatso Hummer, and nerdy Barney, are set to leave for Spring Break in Fort Lauderdale in hopes of scoring some drunken babes. They have the tickets and the hotel reservation. That is, until Kelly, the naughty Fawn, the steamy Ashley, and the nerdy (but minus the headgear) Natalie, make them believe that they want to spend Spring Break with Bud and his pals. The girls say that in order to cheat on their boyfriends with Bud and his pals they need the tickets and reservation in order to "send away the boyfriends" and the con succeeds. Meanwhile, Al and Griff sell a lot of shoes for girls leaving for Spring Break and wish they also could go, leaving them in a cold and powerless shoe store during a city-wide blackout resulting from a blizzard. Jefferson arrives and lets it slip that he's going to Fort Lauderdale to act as a judge in a beauty contest, behind Marcy's back, of course. Al and Griff then realize they can spend the money to go to Fort Lauderdale. Marcy arrives at the Bundys to find the boys still waiting for the girls to arrive. Together, they witness the girls, as well as Al, Griff, and Jefferson on TV at Fort Lauderdale. Marcy and the boys decide to go after them to get revenge.
- 1987–199722mTV-PG7.7 (682)TV EpisodeDirectorGerry CohenStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalDavid GarrisonA TV aerobics instructor tries to get the Bundys in shape, but instead he becomes sedentary and dies of a heart attack after eating junk food.
- 1987–199723mTV-PG7.6 (494)TV EpisodeDirectorGerry CohenStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseMama Wanker moves in with the Bundys after fighting with her husband.
- 1987–199723mTV-PG7.7 (506)TV EpisodeDirectorGerry CohenStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseAl and Griff convinces Gary to use the extra space for an aerobic's studio in the hopes that it'll attract pretty women. When it attracts fat women instead, Kelly convinces her father's boss to hire Ramon. It turns the tide against Feminist Marcy.
- 1987–199723mTV-PG7.5 (517)TV EpisodeDirectorGerry CohenStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseBuck the dog dies; in Heaven, he is sent back to Earth as the Bundys' new dog, Lucky.
- 1987–199723mTV-PG7.8 (519)TV EpisodeDirectorAmanda BearseStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseKelly has unknowingly created a new color chemical called Bleen and Al quickly finds out that she has created a new formula that grows hair.
- 1987–199723mTV-PG7.8 (516)TV EpisodeDirectorGerry CohenStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseBud takes on wrestler King Kong Bundy as his initiation into "No Ma'am.
- 1987–199723mTV-147.6 (511)TV EpisodeDirectorAmanda BearseStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseAl and Jefferson go away for the weekend to a fishing lake in upstate Wisconsin. But when they arrive at the fishing lodge, they are rudely told to leave when Shannon Tweed, a famous B-movie actress and former Playboy Playmate, has taken their reservation. But when the guys arrive home, they discover that Jefferson had inadvertently snapped a photo of Shannon seducing the lodge owner in a hot tub as the reason why they were kicked off the property. As payback, Al and Jefferson decide to throw a tabloids auction to see which magazine will get the photo. Meanwhile, Bud casts Lucky the Dog in a dog food commercial, but Lucky will only act unless Kelly performs the scene first.
- DirectorGerry CohenStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseMarcy's bank, Kyoto National, plans to donate a new scoreboard to Polk High and name it after Polk High's famous football alumni. Al, having scored four touchdowns in a single game, assumes it's him, but Marcy hates Al and is determined to find another football star just to spite him. When she learns that NFL all-star Terry Bradshaw attended Polk High for two months, she think she has found her man. While Kelly tries to talk to Bradshaw about letting Al have the title, Al, Jefferson, and Bud conspire to destroy the scoreboard.
- DirectorGerry CohenStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseAl and Bud go on a bear hunt in the woods to prove they're as manly as Peggy's father, Ephraim, so he can take back Peggy's unseen mother. Al and Bud bring back what they think is a dead bear they found in the woods, but they are in for a big surprise when the bear wakes up from hibernation and wreaks havoc on them and the city.
- DirectorAmanda BearseStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseTo go out with hot guy named Carlos, Kelly bribes the reluctant Bud to keep company for Carlos's cousin Esmeralda by offering Bud a date with Fawn. Fortunately for Bud, Esmeralda turns out to be quite hot. Meanwhile, Al and Peg take Ephraim and Peggy's unseen mother to a marriage retreat.
- 1987–199723mTV-PG8.2 (531)TV EpisodeDirectorSam W. OrenderStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseDuring the Christmas season, Griff becomes quite fond of a phone sex partner named "Butter," whom Al discovers is really Peg's mother.
- 1987–199722mTV-PG7.9 (538)TV EpisodeDirectorGerry CohenStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseAl buys a satellite dish from a discount store and he and Jefferson insist on installing it themselves. Bud is turned down for a loan at every bank in Chicago and borrows money from Vito, a mobster. He uses the money to finance an exercise video staring Kelly and a Latino hunk named Rafael. But, Kelly and Rafael get into a fight over who will star in the video, prompting them to storm off to their dressing rooms. Meanwhile, Bud learns that Vito is dangerous and needs the video completed on time.
- 1987–199723mTV-PG7.7 (517)TV EpisodeDirectorGerry CohenStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseVito's hatchet man, Gino, tells Bud that he has until 5:00pm to finish the exercise video or he will be sleeping with the fishes. Kelly and Rafael's continuing arguments over which one of them will star in the video has Bud sweating. But things take an unexpected turn when Bud unwittingly videotapes Gino talking to another mob associate incriminating evidence against Vito. Meanwhile, Peggy, Marcy, and their friends think that their husbands are totally useless as they count the number of times they fall off the roof trying to install the satellite dish. But Al, Jefferson, Griff, Officer Dan, Ike, and Bob Rooney have completed the dish and set up a comfortable safe haven for them on the roof.
- DirectorAmanda BearseStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseAl wants to beat rival shoe-shop owner Babcock in something and puts his faith in Bud, who's in the same entrepreneurial-studies class at Trumaine as Babcock's son Little Floyd. Each boy must come up with a product and a marketing campaign for it Al sees that he'll get his revenge if Bud's project gets a better grade than Little Floyd's. When Kelly brings home a sexy-guys calendar, Bud decides to make a Girls of Trumaine calendar. All goes well, especially with stunning cover girl Crystal Clark--until, sounding very troubled, she has second thoughts about appearing in the calendar. Meanwhile, Peg is on the road searching for her dad to save her parents' marriage.
- 1987–199722mTV-147.7 (478)TV EpisodeDirectorSam W. OrenderStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseIt is Marcy and Jefferson's wedding anniversary, but Jefferson is in the hospital, recovering from a physical trauma. Kelly and Bud visit Jefferson and he recounts the events that led to his being hospitalized, starting with the party that the other members of No Ma'am threw at him in the nude bar.
- DirectorGerry CohenStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseAl, Jefferson, and Griff are having the time of their lives at Fort Lauderdale; Al even finds a new way to earn money by collecting empty cans. The girls are prepping Kelly for the beauty competition. Meanwhile, Marcy and the boys experience some car problems on the way from Chicago to Fort Lauderdale and have to bow to the demands of a purvey Tennessee car mechanic in order to get new wheels. The girls bump into Al and his pals at their hotel suite during a party. Al doesn't want Kelly to take part in some sleazy contest...that is until he learns that the prize is $100,000.
- DirectorSam W. OrenderStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseAl decides to build a dog house for Lucky. But when he makes an absurd amount of noise in the back yard, Marcy bribes a building inspector to inspect Al's work just to harass him. When the inspector tells him that the house is not up to its "code," Al, with Kelly's wealthy boyfriend Carlos, tear it down and rebuild it again and again to get it right. Meanwhile, Kelly desperately tries to get Carlos's attention. She spends a lot of Al's money (which he swindles from Carlos) to go to the salon to achieve the natural look of the women of his village. Thus, she is spending a lot of money to look like she has spent no money on her looks. Bud says, "you are your mother's daughter." Kelly says, "Well, duh..." Carlos has spent a lot of money to come to America to get away from women of his village. Al ends up with a lot of Carlos's money.
- DirectorGerry CohenStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseIn this pilot for a proposed TV series, a group of "friends" live in a sometimes peaceful co-existence. Tom is a handsome deliveryman living with his gorgeous girlfriend Shannon, his stepsister Maria, and their lazy friend Jackson. Tom is on the rocks with Shannon again over their flirtations with other people. When Tom meets Kelly Bundy while delivering a package to the Bundy house, he asks her out for the evening. To make Tom jealous, Shannon asks out a handsome millionaire named Henry and the four of them end up at the local greasy-spoon diner in the inner city, which is run by friendly cook George. The evening gets more X-rated when Tom and Shannon try to outdo each other with their dates.
- DirectorSam W. OrenderStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseBud has invited not-too-bright student Ariel to play the "Strip Study" game, to prepare for upcoming exams he has to pass in order to graduate. Despite years of not ending up getting some, Bud gets lucky but falls asleep and realizes that in order to be able to concentrate on studying, he has to give up everything that reminds him of sex. This proves to be quite difficult. In order to find a place where nothing turns him on, Bud goes to the library. Surely he can forget about sex there?
- 1987–199723mTV-148.1 (503)TV EpisodeDirectorSam W. OrenderStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseMarcy will not let Jefferson back in the house until he finds a job, so he hangs around at the Bundys. Bud gets Kelly a part in a Romantic Roast coffee commercial and when Kelly's co-star fails to perform up to expectations, Bud gets Jefferson the part. Jefferson's character Lance wins him legions of female fans which upsets Marcy but also ensures that two more commercials will be made with Kelly and Jefferson. But how will Al react when the script demands that Kelly and Jefferson kiss?
- DirectorGerry CohenStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseThere's a radio contest open to all (except Al), where the winner will get to carry the Olympic torch through the city. Griff wins it and becomes a local hero.
- DirectorAmanda BearseStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseWhile Griff faces the death penalty due to a NO MA'AM prank, Al plans to get married to an old flame.
- 1987–199721mTV-PG7.5 (464)TV EpisodeDirectorGerry CohenStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseAl makes true of his threat to move out. But what about custody of the two TVs? The kids Al leaves to Peg. In foresight, he has hidden a nest egg in a secret compartment in the toilet seat. Peg becomes depressed, but the kids decide to find themselves a new step-dad. Marcy is ecstatic about Al's departure and has another plan to cheer Peg up. Meanwhile, Al is trying out the bachelor lifestyle, complete with a new look.
- DirectorRichard CorrellStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalAmanda BearseAl sells his soul to the Devil so he can play for the Bears. However, the Devil takes him to Hell the day of the Super Bowl with a fate worse than death planned: an eternity with the family and the D'Arcys.
- DirectorLinda DayStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalDavid GarrisonPeggy forces Al to sacrifice a basketball game and spend a torturous evening in conversation with new neighbors, idealistic newlyweds Steve and Marcy Rhoades.
- DirectorLinda DayStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalDavid GarrisonMarcy introduces Peg to a new diet to improve her marriage. Al wants no part of it but learns if he tries the diet, he can persuade Peg to quit. He must then swallow his pride and admit to Peggy he loves her.
- 1987–199723mTV-PG7.7 (965)TV EpisodeDirectorLinda DayStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalDavid GarrisonThere has been a rash of burglaries in the area, and the Rhodes' house is robbed and Al's car stereo is ripped off, both families seek alternatives: Steve and Marcy buy a guard dog that won't stop barking, and Al purchases a fire arm. One fateful night, the two methods of home defense butt heads, and it's not a pretty picture.
- 1987–199723mTV-PG7.6 (890)TV EpisodeDirectorLinda DayStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalDavid GarrisonAl and Steve buy a beat up Ford Mustang off of one of Kelly's boyfriends. Soon they form a tight friendship while fixing it up like new. The only problem is they are neglecting their wives now that they spend every free minute with the car. Marcy gets to experience something in the backseat of the Mustang that she has always wanted to do and when Al finds out about it, he won't let her forget it.
- 1987–199723mTV-PG7.6 (870)TV EpisodeDirectorLinda DayStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalDavid GarrisonIt's the Bundys' 16th wedding anniversary. Al plans to buy Peggy a very fancy watch, but unfortunately, his credit card gets declined. Dare he show up at the party without a present?
- 1987–199723mTV-PG7.8 (856)TV EpisodeDirectorLinda DayStarsEd O'NeillKatey SagalDavid GarrisonSteve and Marcy decide that once is enough after they volunteer to watch Kelly, Bud, and the family dog Buck, after Al and Peggy go away for the weekend to a seedy motel in Wisconsin where Al wants to watch a boxing match on the cable TV system.