Every 2024 movie ranked
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- DirectorWes BallStarsOwen TeagueEka DarvilleTravis JefferyMany years after the reign of Caesar, a young ape goes on a journey that will lead him to question everything he's been taught about the past and make choices that will define a future for apes and humans alike.Kingdom of the planet of the apes was a film I was gonna like by default Its a post apocolyptic epic with flawlessly animated apes of course I was hyped for it. it delivered on the bare minimum set by the high standards of the series and was a good but it was nothing beyond that. I was satisfied by its world-building and spectacle but also underwhelmed by its story. While I do like the characters (because they're apes) the writing itself is fairly safe and the conflicts aren't really challenged in any thought provoking way. Maybe its because I've seen too many movies but I remember being a lot more into the story of the first 3.
- DirectorDenis VilleneuveStarsTimothée ChalametZendayaRebecca FergusonPaul Atreides unites with Chani and the Fremen while seeking revenge against the conspirators who destroyed his family.Dune Part Two is a big improvement over the original in how its NOT boring and lifeless. I re-watched the original in hopes that i'd like it more due to there being very little that came out that month but nope. its the same snail-paced angst I remember it being. and its not the believable angsty or even the fun angsty its just LAME. despite this I still watched part two in theaters and I didn't regret it. along with the characters showing actual emotion in this one it also has balls. and it better because it still pulls the whole "this is only the beginning" crap the first one did but despite still not being that into it I wouldn't mind seeing another one. 70/100
- DirectorMike MitchellStephanie StineStarsJack BlackAwkwafinaViola DavisAfter Po is tapped to become the Spiritual Leader of the Valley of Peace, he needs to find and train a new Dragon Warrior, while a wicked sorceress plans to re-summon all the master villains whom Po has vanquished to the spirit realm.Kung Fu Panda 4 is an animated kids movie that crosses off every animated kids movie checkmark off the animated kids movie list. but basic story aside the action was very impressive. and it made me realize something. most modern fight scenes are fake anyway but they still attempt to trick you with either stunt doubles or cgi (which is just animation at that point come on) but when an action movie is entirely animated they don't have the limitations that a partially fake action movie has. There's no limits to how the characters can move' there's no constant cuts' and you don't have to position the camera to hide the fake punches. And ever since the Mario Movie had way better action than anyone expected I've noticed other animated movies putting more effort into that department. and sure the KUNG FU panda movies have always had fight scenes but I think they're the best they've been. 69/100
- DirectorAdam WingardStarsRebecca HallBrian Tyree HenryDan StevensTwo ancient titans, Godzilla and Kong, clash in an epic battle as humans unravel their intertwined origins and connection to Skull Island's mysteries.Another Godzilla x Kong Comic dub was advertised by its creator as "giving the fans more of what they want" being self aware that no one cares about the shitty human characters and their awful acting while at the same time openly saying their only gonna PARTIALLY fix it. I understand they don't want to make an entirely dialogueless movie (as awesome as it would be) that's far to artsy to be the certain success that it is but the people could have been sidelined to exposition dumpers and nothing more. as it is a good half of the runtime and story is dedicated to them and sure they are just exposition dumpers at the end of the day but they also attempt shoehorning them into the overall narrative and that's a shame. there's a good 20 minutes in the middle that doesn't have a single spoken line and that's where it shines. the boring parts aren't as mindlessly nauseating as the monster parts are mindlessly awesome so I'd say its above average. 65/100
- DirectorDavid LeitchStarsRyan GoslingEmily BluntAaron Taylor-JohnsonA down-and-out stuntman must find the missing star of his ex-girlfriend's blockbuster film.The Fall Guy is a girly action rom-com where Ryan Gosling (despite being in his 40s) still has the cutesy sensitive teenage schoolboy mentality that makes all the grandmas in the world oggle in awe. The love story and really any other moment that tries to be emotional is really cheesy. the couple of meta moments are very unneeded aswell. but all of that's made up for with the spectacle of the action scenes. there's the trademark vehicle fight (DONE WITH AN ACTUAL VEHICLE) there's a heavily stylized fight while Ryan's on Hallucinogens and of course all ends with an explosive finale and it all looks really good. it is kinda ironic that Ryan Gosling doesn't do alot of the stunts since he plays a stunt-MAN but he does SOME of them which is good enough for the lowered standards of the reviewers. I usually don't care this much but HE PLAYS A STUNTMAN! don't wanna take TOO much of a risk scuffing up his pretty face.
62/100 - DirectorGuy RitchieStarsHenry CavillAlan RitchsonAlex PettyferThe British military recruits a small group of highly skilled soldiers to strike against German forces behind enemy lines during World War II.The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare was made by the guy that made that uncle movie which makes a lot of sense. I pretty much feel the exact same way about it. Its very basic and didn't have much for you to remember it by but it was well acted' well shot' and I liked the soundtrack. Its very clear that over 90% of the "true story" is made up but its pretty lighthearted throughout so it doesn't come off as phony or pretentious as something like Sound of freedom. It was okay moving on.
- DirectorJuan Carlos FresnadilloStarsMillie Bobby BrownRay WinstoneAngela BassettA dutiful damsel agrees to marry a handsome prince, only to find the royal family has recruited her as a sacrifice to repay an ancient debt.Damsel no not that Damsel is a survival horror take on the fantasy genre and judging by the name and the really lame opening monologue I assumed it was gonna be annoyingly feminist and while it DID have a couple moments where it makes sure you know she's a badass, it was never even close to Disney level and id be lying if I said I didn't enjoy it. its very cheesy and not actually good so I'm not gonna put it any higher but it has a talking dragon while still taking itself very seriously how can you say no to that? and the woman who plays it is even trying to do the Gorilla Steve voice. First off I'm flattered but you're trying to hard. you're supposed to fake burp while talking' yes you got that part down. But you're trying too hard to make it sound cartoonishly villainous. having the burp-talking stay monotone makes it that much more powerful and I think she missed the point' oh well. 59/100
- DirectorJohan RenckStarsAdam SandlerCarey MulliganPaul DanoHalf a year into his solo mission on the edge of the solar system, an astronaut concerned with the state of his life back on Earth is helped by an ancient creature he discovers in the bowels of his ship.Spaceman was disappointing. No not that Spaceman...or that spaceman. I'm all for letting Adam Sandler show off his dramatic talent' but this time I think it would of helped to be a bit more lighthearted. Its about a freaking space spider helping a man with his marriage I think you could have been a little less mellow dramatic. It had good visuals and I was into it for a little but not enough happens to keep you entertained and a lot that DOES happen takes you out more and more with the bad writing.
- DirectorGil KenanStarsPaul RuddCarrie CoonFinn WolfhardWhen the discovery of an ancient artifact unleashes an evil force, Ghostbusters new and old must join forces to protect their home and save the world from a second ice age.Ghostbusters frozen empire was a sequel that I can confidently say with no exaggeration that nnnn-very little people wanted. When Afterlife spewed member-berries for 2 hours while pretending it was some sort of artistic tribute to the least popular ghostbuster people got their fix of nostalgic tear jerking. This one decided to have its serious moments aswell without the aid of a real death and it just makes me question things I wouldn't have if it was a full on comedy like the originals. What's the deciding factor on if a ghost is gonna be a silly dumb blob monster or a sympathetic lesbian humanoid that speaks full English!? oh apparently the director of the original died...uhhh this was made in honor of him!.....anyone?......no one?
- DirectorZack SnyderStarsSofia BoutellaDjimon HounsouEd SkreinKora and surviving warriors prepare to defend Veldt, their new home, alongside its people against the Realm. The warriors face their pasts, revealing their motivations before the Realm's forces arrive to crush the growing rebellion.Rebel Moon Part Two was worse than I expected. I cant think of a single time where the second part of a back to back film production was actually better and yet I still expected this to be. I guess I thought since A child of fire was so underwhelming this must be where it truly finds its footing. I was very wrong this almost makes part one look good. Everything Zach Snyder is known for is cranked up to 11 like its a parody of his own work. How can this guy be so unaware!?
56/100 - DirectorMatthew VaughnStarsHenry CavillBryce Dallas HowardSam RockwellA reclusive author who writes espionage novels about a secret agent and a global spy syndicate realizes the plot of the new book she's writing starts to mirror real-world events, in real time.Argylle is a pseudointellectual twist bloated spy thriller while at the same time trying to be a silly lighthearted quirk fest. Obyce Dallas Howard is woefully miscast as an unstoppable athletic fatass oh sorry BADass. There's a plot twist every 5 minutes and I mean EVERY 5 minutes including after the film ends. Because there's an aftercredits scene that reveals that this takes place in The Kingsman universe HA GOTCHA you thought you were watching an original IP that wasn't yet another attempt at setting up a cinematic universe starring Henry Cavell' John Cena and Samuel Jackson. They ARE on the poster afterall. but no they all have like 8 minutes of screentime combined WAIT...Samuel Jackson? Wasnt he already a different character in Kingsman? Who cares look at the cat! movie watchers LOOVE cats!
55/100 - DirectorBryce McGuireStarsWyatt RussellKerry CondonAmélie HoeferleA family moves into a new home, unaware that a dark secret from the house's past will unleash a malevolent force in the backyard pool.Night Swim is a supernatural horror film with a twist! instead of a house being haunted its a pool. I've pretty much told you everything you need to know. just picture a supernatural horror movie in your head. it has the exact twists' lame jumpscare mindgames' and sound design you've heard a hundred times before. alright now KEEP THAT IMAGE IN YOUR HEAD but have it in a pool. This was the first movie released this year which makes sense.
49/100 - DirectorLiza JohnsonStarsCarolyn LawrenceTom KennyMr. LawrenceWhen Bikini Bottom is suddenly scooped out of the ocean, Sandy Cheeks and SpongeBob journey to Sandy's home state of Texas, where they meet Sandy's family and must save Bikini Bottom from the hands of an evil CEOWatching the SpongeBob movies is the fastest way to experience the quality drop the show has suffered in the last 20 years. which is only fitting that the latest film "saving bikini Bottom" is by far the worst of them all. SpongeBob tags along despite this being the official "sandy cheeks movie" and he is as obnoxious as ever. he's only here because realistically the kids are only tuning in to see him (sorry first brave female to direct a SpongeBob film) and due to all the characters being cardboard cutouts of their former selves he just laughs at every single line of dialogue. because he's the character with the iconic laugh THATS WHAT HE DOES. it has the occasional live action charm seen in the patchy the pirates episodes but everything beyond that is just embarrassing. No one likes modern SpongeBob except Redditors LET IT DIE.
- DirectorEric FogelStarsKeith FergusonLaura PostJosh BrenerMegamind's former villain team, The Doom Syndicate, has returned. Newly crowned hero Megamind's must now keep up evil appearances until he can assemble his friends to stop his former evil teammates from launching Metro City to the Moon.The Ice Age adventures of Megamind is yet another Big IP given the low budget straight to streaming resurrection. and despite the unfathomably low reception it got its really no worse than the other various side series dreamwork's shat out on to streaming platforms. I can guarantee you that the average child would eat this up if it weren't for the excessive memeing. It's just run of the mil bad' don't act like Dreamwork's TV division has ever been anything better. 49/100