- [on Buddy Hackett] . . . he was a prick. He really was. He was really an offensive comic and he treated people very badly--including his family. A bad guy. You won't hear me say that about too many people, but when it's there it's there.
- [on Jack Carter] We're walking down the street [Sixth Avenue in New York City] and this little old lady is pushing a shopping cart. She spots Jack Carter and she says, "Bert Parks! Bert Parks! There she is--Missssss Amerrrrr-icaaaaa! Bert Parks, I love you!" Jack says, "I'm not Bert Parks." She says, "Oh, come on! I know you're Bert Parks. You're famous!" He says, "I'm not Bert Parks! I'm Jack Carter!" She says, "Jack Carter!? I HATE Jack Carter!" And she hit him with her shopping bag and walked away!
- [on Tallulah Bankhead] Ah, what a dream. I had four weeks with her at the Sands in Las Vegas when I was working there as a production singer. We would be in the dressing room with her--and when I say we I mean six of the gay dancers. She was a fag hag. She would sit there in the nude. There'd be a knock at the door and if it was a female voice she'd put on a robe. If there were women around she kept the robe on, but around the men she was nude.
- [on Ray Anthony] . . . working with Ray was . . . boy, you talk about a narcissist. He worked on his face all day. He wanted to look like Cary Grant and he did end up looking like an old, miniature Cary Grant. I would stare at his toupee until he'd say, "What are you looking at!" When we did the show there was a bad review [in "Variety"] that said: "They've done everything possible, but the one thing they can't do is give Ray Anthony talent." We had to go out and buy every issue of "Variety" and hide them. Don't get me wrong, I like Ray and I think he is very talented--but he has an ego that goes beyond.
- [on Billy Gray] Billy Gray was a master. We were there [at his Los Angeles nightclub, The Band Box] for about 15 weeks. You ever see Billy Gray? Next time you see the movie Some Like It Hot (1959), he was the agent that booked Tony Curtis and the big band. He had a little voice. He called me backstage. He said, "Jackie, you know that one little joke that you do there? That's not for you. You got more class than that. Take that one joke out." I said, "Sure, Billy, no problem." So I took it out. Next show--he did it in his act. I said, "You told me I had more class than that . . . ". He said, "Yes, Jackie. But I don't have any class."
- [on working with Irwin Corey at a Playboy Club] I was onstage and I spotted Irwin coming in at the back. He waved and he sat down in the booth. He knew that I could do [an impression of him], so I knew he would pick up on this. I knew if I said it the right way he'd know what I was doing. So I said, "Incidentally, ladies and gentleman, the Professor Irwin Corey is a wonderful act and he's opening here Monday night. How many people here have ever seen Irwin Corey?" Twenty or thirty people put up their hand. "Well, you can tell your neighbor how great he is. But I want to tell you before I leave--that I am the only comic in the business that does an authentic impression of the Professor Irwin Corey. Not only can I do a perfect impression of Irwin Corey but--as a former ventriloquist--I can throw my voice at the same time! I'll give you an example." In my act I said [in Irwin Corey voice], "The problem with the world is sex!" Then from the back Irwin shouted, "The problem with the world is sex!" They were startled. "Sex is not just great in the bedroom, but it's also worth 14 points in scrabble." From the back Irwin yells, "But it's also worth 14 points in scrabble!" Then I said [in Irwin Corey voice], "And Irwin Corey is not that great a comic!" And Irwin yells from the back, "You're full of shit!"
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