- Chloë Anne Marie, la bonne: Why have a piano if no one plays it?
- Édouard Lestingois: Even so, we have a piano because we are respectable people.
- Édouard Lestingois: The man who spits in Balzac's "Physiology of Marriage" is less than nothing to me.
- Priape Boudu: Who is that man?
- Édouard Lestingois: Ask my wife.
- [first lines]
- Édouard Lestingois: Anne-Marie, you are like the nymphs. You are as graceful as they are and could frolic in mossy glades, drink from the springs, and dance naked under the moon on summer nights. Bacchus would have presided at the nuptials of Priapus Lestingois and his Chloë, Anne-Marie.
- Édouard Lestingois: My wife is incapable of bringing the joys of the flesh alive in me. Is that any reason for me to renounce them? As long as the gods grant me the strength and inclination, and as long as your indulgent youth consents, I shall be your grateful lover, my little nymph, and my pipes shall laud till their last breath the glory of Eros.
- Édouard Lestingois: You are lucky, Anne-Marie, but you deserve to be, because you're pretty.
- Chloë Anne Marie, la bonne: I love you, Mr. Lestingois.
- Édouard Lestingois: And I'm lucky too.
- [kiss]
- Édouard Lestingois: Run along now. Go make the soup.
- Édouard Lestingois: Don't forget to salt the broth.
- Chloë Anne Marie, la bonne: I won't forget! I'll be thinking about tonight!
- Édouard Lestingois: Expectation is the indispensable seasoning for the weariness of daily chores.
- Édouard Lestingois: She's charming. But last night I fell asleep before I could go join her. No doubt about it, I'm growing old. My pipes are weary, and soon some shepherd will lure her with his youthful flute.
- Édouard Lestingois: You like Voltaire?
- L'étudiant: Yes.
- Édouard Lestingois: You've good reason to.
- L'étudiant: He's the one with good reason.
- Chloë Anne Marie, la bonne: You're looking at women. I'm jealous.
- Édouard Lestingois: You shouldn't be. Jealousy is horrid, a sentiment beneath both your intelligence and your beauty.
- Chloë Anne Marie, la bonne: [singing] April reappears, To a thousand cheers, Hailing in the best season of the year, Your smile is my Spring, My heart feels like Cupid's sting, Your smile is my Spring, My Spring...
- Édouard Lestingois: I'll give you one ticket and keep the other. The grand prize is 100,000 francs. Can you imagine having 100,000 francs? What would you do if you won 100,000 francs.
- Priape Boudu: I'd buy a bicycle.
- Chloë Anne Marie, la bonne: Where would you be if the master hadn't saved you?
- Priape Boudu: In heaven.
- Chloë Anne Marie, la bonne: People who kill themselves don't go to heaven. You know nothing of religion and you're an ingrate!
- Priape Boudu: Would you like a kiss?
- Chloë Anne Marie, la bonne: Have you lost your mind? Would you know how?
- Priape Boudu: I haven't a clue.
- Chloë Anne Marie, la bonne: Would it be your first kiss?
- Priape Boudu: No, I had a dog.
- Chloë Anne Marie, la bonne: A dog?
- Priape Boudu: He used to kiss me.
- Chloë Anne Marie, la bonne: He licked you.
- Priape Boudu: He licked me.
- Édouard Lestingois: You're not going out like that, are you?
- Priape Boudu: Why?
- Édouard Lestingois: Your shoes aren't shined.
- Priape Boudu: My shoes have to shine?
- Chloë Anne Marie, la bonne: Of course, you dummy.
- Chloë Anne Marie, la bonne: I'm leaving before you make me cry.
- Édouard Lestingois: Tears make you look so pretty that I wouldn't regret it.
- Priape Boudu: Do you like me now?
- Emma Lestingois: Me, Mr. Boudu?
- Priape Boudu: Yes, sweetie.
- Emma Lestingois: Don't be so familiar.
- Priape Boudu: What's that, sweetie?
- Emma Lestingois: Listen, Boudu. Mr. Lestingois and I are your benefactors.
- Priape Boudu: Yes, I know.
- Emma Lestingois: Nevertheless, you don't seem fully conscious of your obligations to us arising from your situation.
- Priape Boudu: What's she saying?
- Emma Lestingois: You're welcomed into an honest, middle-class home, and you behave like a Neanderthal! In cleaning your shoes, you made complete pandemonium of my room!
- Priape Boudu: "Panty-moan-yum"?
- Emma Lestingois: Don't be funny.
- Priape Boudu: What's that you have there?
- Emma Lestingois: What? Here?
- Priape Boudu: Yes.
- Emma Lestingois: A beauty mark. What was I saying?
- Priape Boudu: Why do you have a mark like that?
- Emma Lestingois: [Slaps Boudu's hands away] Back to the matter at hand.
- Priape Boudu: What did you say, Emma?
- Emma Lestingois: Mr. Boudu, I'll thank you to show me the proper respect.
- Priape Boudu: [Boudu grabs her] I'll give you respect!
- Emma Lestingois: What's gotten into you?
- Chloë Anne Marie, la bonne: Where would you sell books?
- Priape Boudu: Here and you'd be my little wife.
- Chloë Anne Marie, la bonne: When I leave of my senses, I'll think of you.
- Priape Boudu: Won't you be my little wife?
- Chloë Anne Marie, la bonne: When pigs have wings.
- Priape Boudu: Will that be soon?
- Chloë Anne Marie, la bonne: Wait and see.
- Priape Boudu: Are you teasing me?
- Chloë Anne Marie, la bonne: You finally noticed?
- Priape Boudu: You're a naughty girl. A naughty girl.
- Emma Lestingois: Does your conscience trouble you that much? Naughty boy.
- Priape Boudu: I'm not naughty.
- Emma Lestingois: How quickly we forget!
- Emma Lestingois: Silly goose, nobody's going to hurt you. Quite the contrary. Aren't you happy here? Tell me.