Rafter Romance (1933)

Robert Benchley: H. Harrington Hubbell

Quotes 

• Hubbell : Come, come, girls, now. Come, come. Fun's fun; but, you're telephone solicitors now, remember. A voice with a smile!

• Mary : I don't know how I'm going to live in that place.

  Hubbell : Oh, no, no, Miss Carroll. It vill be all right. In my past experience, it is much better for you to 'ave a man in your apartment than a voman.

• Hubbell : Miss Carroll, where are you taking those bright eyes?

  Mary : Home to the little nest, Mr. Hubbell.

  Hubbell : Oh, not yet, not yet. First, a dinner. A banquet! With nice, old Mr. Hubbell.

  Mary : A banquet, Mr. Hubbell?

  Hubbell : Well, you might call it that. Mr. Hubbell never does things by halves when gives a party, you know.

• Hubbell : Great work, bright eyes. No one ever listened to as much sales talk as that before. That calls for a celebration and not one minute later than this evening.

  Mary : Oh, Mr. Hubbell, I - I don't know, but, I...

  Hubbell : Ah, ha! I see promise waivering in those bright eyes. I've got two tickets for the Zeigfeld tonight - and you don't look to me like a young lady who would play a man a dirty trick three times in succession. Are you with me? Or, must I choke myself to death on one of our larger ice cubes?

• Hubbell : Will you join me in a little snort?

  Mary : No, thanks.

  Hubbell : If you don't mind then, if I do?

  Mary : Not at all.

  Hubbell : Well, may all your little ones be troubles.

  [snort] 

• Hubbell : Now, how about putting those little red curls over on this fatherly old shoulder, eh?

• Hubbell : The main events of the day are going to take place now. We're going to have the races! We're going to have an obstacle race, a sack race, a three-legged race, a fat man's race, and, eh, various other kinds of races - including the human race.

• Hubbell : Come, come, girls. Don't hide your talents under a bushel!