It's a Gift (1934)
W.C. Fields: Harold Bissonette
Photos
Quotes
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Harry Payne Bosterly : You're drunk!
Harold : And you're crazy. But I'll be sober tomorrow and you'll be crazy for the rest of your life.
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[at breakfast, Norman takes the plate of bacon before Harold can get it]
Harold : Hey, put it down!
Norman : What's the matter, Pop? Don'tcha love me anymore?
Harold : [he raises his hand to hit Norman] Certainly I love you.
Amelia : Don't you strike that child!
Harold : Well, he's not gonna tell me I don't love him.
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Insurance Salesman : Do you know a man by the name of LaFong? Carl LaFong? Capital L, small a, Capital F, small o, small n, small g. LaFong. Carl LaFong.
Harold : No, I don't know Carl LaFong - capital L, small a, capital F, small o, small n, small g. And if I did know Carl LaFong, I wouldn't admit it!
Insurance Salesman : Well he's a railroad man and he leaves home very early in the morning.
Harold : Well, he's a chump.
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Insurance Salesman : How old are you?
Harold : None of your business.
Insurance Salesman : I'd say you were a man about 50.
Harold : You would say that.
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Mother : Just use your own judgment.
Daughter : You tell me where to go.
Harold : [muttering] I'd like to tell you both where to go.
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Harold : [after being struck on the nose by a cluster of grapes dropped by Baby Dunk] Shades of Bacchus!
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Mrs. Dunk : Bessie, hurry up now.
Miss Dunk : Alright, I'll hurry.
Mrs. Dunk : Don't forget the ipecac.
Miss Dunk : I thought you said syrup of squill.
Mrs. Dunk : I can't hear you. Talk louder.
Miss Dunk : I thought you said syrup of squill.
Mrs. Dunk : Alright, syrup of squill. I don't care.
Miss Dunk : I don't care either. I'll get ipecac if you want me to.
Mrs. Dunk : Well ipecac or syrup of squill, I don't care which.
Miss Dunk : I don't care either. You tell me what to get and I'll get it.
Mrs. Dunk : Get whichever one you want. I don't care. Whatever they have handy. Just the same to me.
Miss Dunk : Ah, it's just the same to me too. I hate 'em both. Oh, where'll I go, to Jones's?
Mrs. Dunk : Use your own judgement.
Miss Dunk : No. You tell me where to go.
Harold : I'd like to tell you both where to go.
Mrs. Dunk : There's no use dear, I can't hear a word you're saying. Somebody's shouting on the floor below, so you'd better go along.
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Fitchmueller : How about my kumquats!
Harold : Coming. Coming. Coming. Coming. Coming.
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Mildred Bissonette : I never knew such an ungrateful father!
Harold : Listen, you've all got to realize one thing, that I am the Master of this house.
Amelia : [Calling from another part of the house] Harold!
Harold : Yes dear!
Amelia : I don't know why it is that every time I want to talk to you, you're off in some other part of the house! I have to shout! Shout! Shout! No wonder the neighbors know all about our private affairs. I give them enough opportunity as it is to find out what's going on, without you running away as if I had the small pox or something. Every time I open my mouth...
[Harold slips out of the house]
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Amelia : As I was saying - are you listening to me?
Harold : Eh, yes dear, yes dear, yes dear.
Amelia : For twenty years, I've struggled to make a home for you and the children.
Harold : That's right dear.
Amelia : Slaving day-in, day-out, to make both ends meet. Sometimes I don't know which way to turn.
Harold : Eh, turn over on your right side, dear. Sleeping on your left side's bad for the heart.
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Harold : Ah, crackers. Good old crackers. That was a smart thing of me to bring those crackers along, wasn't it?
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Insurance Salesman : If you should live to be 100...
[Harold chases him off the deck]
Harold : And suppose I live to be 200, I'll get a velocipede!
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Harold : Vegetable man? Vegetable gentleman?
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Harold : Sufferin' sciatica!
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Mildred Bissonette : Dad, quick! Mother's fainted!
Harold : Huh? Oh, here, here. Give her some of this reviver.
[Mildred gives her Mother some of Harold's hooch]
Harold : Doesn't it taste good?
Amelia : [Amelia's revived] Oh, you're an old idiot. But, I can't help loving you.
Harold : Give her another drink.