- T. Fenny Sylvester: What the...? Gum! There's gum in the telephone. Gum in the lapels of me suits. I steps in it. I sits in it. I combs it out of me hair. The only place I don't find gum, you ain't been! Now, listen - I'm gettin' fed up. If you ain't exercisin' that pan of yours, yapping about a career, you're chewing gum! Now, get this straight - you ain't goin' on no stage! And if you get any more of that gum on me, so help me, I'll... What the...?
- [Gum]
- T. Fenny Sylvester: . Go on! Scram out of here before I run a temperature. I got an appointment to see some gentlemen.
- Ruby: You've only seen 12 gentlemen in your life - they was on a jury.
- T. Fenny Sylvester: Look, I want you to make her the most beautiful on the stage, see?
- Makeup Man: I'm a makeup artist, not a plastic surgeon!
- T. Fenny Sylvester: Look, I want you should kinda chaperone Miss Snodgrass.
- Ruby: What for? She'd be safe on a battleship!
- Toots McGuire: You know the last mug we kidnapped? Well his wife paid the ransom but he won't go home.
- T. Fenny Sylvester: Slug 'em cold and drop him on his doorstep.
- T. Fenny Sylvester: Toots, stop off and get a bottle of perfume and send it to me mother, will ya'?
- Toots McGuire: Do you want perfume, or toilet water?
- T. Fenny Sylvester: [glares at him] That ain't funny.
- T. Fenny Sylvester: [At a meeting, addressing his assembled hoodlums] Well, gentlemen, there's gonna' be a new deal around this joint... We're puttin' in a new department. Not only are we gonna' continue runnin' the snatch racket, but we're goin' in for safe-crackin' likewise. And another matter - - from now on, I'm gonna' fraternitize more with youse guys. I wanna' see life in the raw.
- Junker - Hood: Every time you look at Toots you're seein' it. He's only half-baked.
- [Everybody except Toots laughs boisterously]
- Toots McGuire: [sourly, and quietly] That bird's funny bone is a-waay down low on his spine.
- Annie Snodgrass: I don't know why, but every time there's a rehearsal, those books won't balance somehow.
- Oswald: Well, I'll tell you why, Annie. You don't think of anything but your art anymore. Me, and your job at the bank, don't mean "that" now. Look, Annie, won't you give up the Union Bank Little Theater Players just for me?
- Annie Snodgrass: You know I love you madly, Oswald. But I couldn't give up my career, even for you. No woman that has known the triumphs that I knew when I played Lady Windermere's Fan in the Fall River High School senior play can ever get the theater out of her blood.
- T. Fenny Sylvester: [to Miss Fishback] Who's the canary what trilled the twerp?
- Toots McGuire: [translating] He wants to know who sang the ditty.
- Miss Fishbeck - Little Theatre Stage Director: [nervously addressing Fenny and his hoods, who have crashed the rehearsal] Well, what do you want?
- Toots McGuire: What do you care? You ain't got it.
- T. Fenny Sylvester: [to Toots, as Annie finishes her song, in front of Fenny and his hoods] Moniker.
- Toots McGuire: [to Annie, translating] He wants to know, what's your name?
- Annie Snodgrass: Annie Snodgrass.
- [chuckles nervously]
- T. Fenny Sylvester: [to Toots] Where's she musclin'?
- Toots McGuire: [translating] Where do ya' work at?
- Annie Snodgrass: At the Union Bank... uh, Drafts and Collections.
- [Fenny and his hoods say nothing and quietly leave the rehearsal room]
- T. Fenny Sylvester: You mugs take the car. Me and Toots is walking.
- [proceeds to walk down the sidewalk with Toots at his side]
- T. Fenny Sylvester: You know, dat song gives you somethin' to work to. Sort of a prod to do big things. In the hustle and bustle of daily life, a guy's liable to forget his mudder. But that song brung me back me babyhood. Ain't them words swell? "Who calmed your baby fears, and brushed away your tears? Your mudda." Boy, nuttin' can take the place of your mudda', can it?
- Toots McGuire: You can't prove it by me - - I was an incubator baby.
- Adam Frink - Producer: "Partners"... you and I? Are you mad?
- T. Fenny Sylvester: No... I ain't sore.
- Adam Frink - Producer: Well, would it be presumptuous on my part to inquire just what the devil it is you're talking about?
- T. Fenny Sylvester: Well, that's all right. You puttin' on a show, ain't ya'?
- Adam Frink - Producer: Yes.
- T. Fenny Sylvester: Okay, well, I'm puttin' up half the dough and helpin' ya' produce it. In other words, me and you is partners in the theater racket.
- Adam Frink - Producer: My dear Mr. Sylvester, your insolent, boorish, *vulgar* suggestion that you affiliate with me, Adam Frink, the artistic genius of the theater, why it's, uh, it's ineffably preposterous. And with this, allow me to terminate the interview.
- [waves dismissively]
- T. Fenny Sylvester: [turning to Toots] Put that in one word for me.
- Toots McGuire: The gentleman says "nerts".
- T. Fenny Sylvester: [as Annie is awkwardly rehearsing her song on stage] Did you ever hear such a voice?
- Adam Frink - Producer: Not emanating from a human throat, no.
- T. Fenny Sylvester: That song's gonna' have all Broadway on its feet.
- Adam Frink - Producer: Running for the nearest exit.
- T. Fenny Sylvester: Boy, don't that song get ya'? And whaddya' think of that verse?
- Adam Frink - Producer: I think it's the most excruciatingly strident thing I have ever heard.
- T. Fenny Sylvester: Yeah, it *is* beautiful, ain't it? Sure picked a leadin' lady for ya', didn't I?
- Adam Frink - Producer: For me? You did not! Do you suppose for one minute that I would perpetrate that, that, that... creature upon an audience? She's impossible. I won't do it!
- T. Fenny Sylvester: Listen, dearie. There ain't no such word as "won't" when you're talkin' to me. I say she's your leadin' lady, or else.
- Adam Frink - Producer: [to Fenny, in regards to Annie's acting abilities] Take my advice, old man. If you want to put her in the show business, have her tattooed all over - - and sign her up with the circus.
- Toots McGuire: [Fenny turns and looks inquiringly at Toots] The gentleman says, the lady's a Gorgonzola.
- Young critc seeking advice: I wonder if I could ask you a little advice. Something I can always remember - sort of a motto for a critic.
- Mr. Abercrombie Hancock - Critic: Yes, young man, I, I think I can. Always remember this, if you aspire to be a *great* critic: if ever you have anything good to say about an actor or a playwright, never say it 'til he's dead. Because you cannot possibly do any good... for a corpse.