The Lady Vanishes (1938)

Naunton Wayne: Caldicott

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Quotes 

• Charters : If only we hadn't missed that train at Budapest.

  Caldicott : Well, I don't want to rub it in, but if you hadn't insisted on standing up until they'd finished their national anthem...

  Charters : Yes, but you must show respect, Caldicott. If I'd known it was going to last twenty minutes...

  Caldicott : It has always been my contention that the Hungarian Rhapsody is *not* their national anthem.

• Iris Henderson : I was having tea about an hour ago with an English lady. You saw her, didn't you?

  Charters : Well, I don't know, I mean, I was talking to my friend, wasn't I?

  Caldicott : Indubitably.

  Iris Henderson : Yes, but you were sitting at the next table. She turned and borrowed the sugar. You must remember.

  Charters : Yes, I recall passing the sugar.

  Iris Henderson : Well then you saw her.

  Charters : I repeat we were deep in conversation. We were discussing cricket.

  Iris Henderson : Well, I don't see how a thing like cricket can make you forget seeing people.

  Charters : Oh, don't you? If that's your attitude, there's nothing more to be said! Come Caldicott. "A thing like cricket!"

  Gilbert : Wrong tactics. We should've told him we were looking for a lost cricket ball.

• Charters : [Speaking into the telephone]  Tell me, what's happening to England?

  [pause] 

  Charters : Blowing a gale? No, I'm inquiring about the test match in Manchester.

  [pause] 

  Charters : Cricket, sir. Cricket!

  [pause] 

  Charters : You don't know? You can't be in England and not know the test score.

  Charters : [Turns to Caldicott]  The fellow says he doesn't know.

  Caldicott : Silly ass!

• Caldicott : [In the middle of the shootout, pausing before firing his gun again]  We'll never get to the match now!

• Caldicott : People just don't vanish and so forth.

  Charters : She has.

  Caldicott : What?

  Charters : Vanished.

  Caldicott : Who?

  Charters : The old dame.

  Caldicott : Yes.

  Charters : Well?

  Caldicott : Well, how could she?

  Charters : What?

  Caldicott : Well, vanish.

  Charters : I don't know.

  Caldicott : That just explains my point. People don't just disappear into thin air.

• Mr. Todhunter : l won't be a party to this sort of thing. l don't believe in fighting!

  Caldicott : Pacifist, eh? Won't work, old boy. Early Christians tried it and got thrown to the lions.

• Charters : You don't suppose there's something in this fellow's story, Caldicott, do you?

  Caldicott : Seems a bit queer.

  Charters : I mean, after all, people don't go about tying up nuns.

• Charters : Meanwhile we have to stand here cooling our heels. I suppose, eh? Confounded impudence!

  Caldicott : A third rate country. What do you expect?

  Charters : l wonder who those women were.

  Caldicott : Possibly Americans, I should think. You know, almighty dollar, old man.

• Caldicott : [because the hotel is full, Charters and Caldicott have been forced to share the maid's room]  They might at least have given us one each?

  Charters : What?

  Caldicott : The room at least.

• Caldicott : [Listening to Miss Froy sing the tune during the shootout]  The old girl has gone off her rocker!

• Charters : A queer sort of bird.

  Caldicott : A trifle whimsical, that's all.

  Charters : After six years in this hole, we'd be whimsical.

• Caldicott : [reading the "Herald Tribune" newspaper]  Nothing but baseball. You know, we used to call it Rounders. Children play it with a rubber ball and a stick. Not a word about cricket. Americans got no sense of proportion.

• Caldicott : I don't suppose there is such a thing as a wireless set hereabouts.

• [first lines] 

  Caldicott : What's all this fuss about, Charters?

  Charters : Damned if l know.