The Practical Pig (1939)

Pinto Colvig: Practical Pig

Quotes 

• Big Bad Wolf : [the lie detector continues to spank the big wolf]  Oh no don't touch me! Whoa! Oh don't do that! Oh no don't touch me! Whoa! Oh don't do that! Hold! I'll tell! I'll tell! I'll tell! Honest I'll tell!

  Big Bad Wolf : [the coo coo bird plays the harp while the wolf is exhausted]  They're in the old, the old mill.

  Fiddler Pig : The old mill!

  [Practical Pig pull the lever and the firework rocket sends the wolf in the sky until it explodes into a firework] 

  Practical Pig : The old mill!

  [Practical Pig runs and grabs the broom by mistake and then gets his shotgun, as he's about to open the front door, Fifer and Fiddler Pig burst in the room slams Practical Pig into the wall which he angrily gets out of] 

  Fifer Pig , Fiddler Pig : The wolf! The wolf! He's here! The wolf! The wolf! Is he, umm, I umm. The wolf.

  [Then Fifer and Fiddler Pig back up] 

  Practical Pig : Didn't I tell you not to go swimming?

  Fifer Pig : Oh, we didn't go swimming, did we?

  Fiddler Pig : Oh, no.

  [the lie detector detects a lie and flips Fifer and Fiddler Pig over and locks them in, it pulls down their pants and spanks the two pigs exposed bottoms until it turns them red] 

  Practical Pig : Remember, this hurts me worse than it does you.

  [the lie detector sounds again and spanks Practical Pig] 

• Practical Pig : [the big wolf knocks on the door and the sign falls on Practical Pigs head]  Who's... Who's there?

  Big Bad Wolf : Umm, messenger boy with a message.

  [the big wolf blows the note into the house] 

  Practical Pig : The wolf!

  [Practical Pig picks up the note and it reads the poorly spelled letter. Dear Bruther, We are in trubble, cum with Bearer luvingly yur bruthers] 

  Practical Pig : He's got them!

  Big Bad Wolf : Ahem, are you coming with me?

  Practical Pig : I'll be right with you!

  Big Bad Wolf : Heh heh, heh, he fell for it.

  [All of a sudden the big wolf falls in the trapdoor and the Big Bad Wolf gets caught in the Practical Pig's lie detector machine] 

  Big Bad Wolf : Help! You can't do this to me! Stop it!

  Practical Pig : Where are my brothers?

  Big Bad Wolf : Your brothers? Never heard of 'em!

  Big Bad Wolf : [the lie detector records the message and detects a lie and washes the wolf's mouth with soap and water]  Don't touch me! Ow!

  Practical Pig : Where are my brothers?

  Big Bad Wolf : I ain't seen 'em!

  [the lie detector detects another lie and spanks the wolf on the rear] 

  Practical Pig : WHERE ARE MY BROTHERS?

  Big Bad Wolf : I ain't...

  [He stops and looks at the lie detector, then turns back to Practical and speaks in a calmer voice] 

  Big Bad Wolf : Now listen, buddy, you've got to be wrong. Why, I'm your pal.

  Big Bad Wolf : [the detector detects still another lie and proceeds to punish the wolf more]  Don't touch me! Ow! Oh don't do that whoa!

• [the first two pigs notice the Practical Pig building the lie detector] 

  Fifer Pig : [about the Practical Pig; laughing]  He's building another wolf machine! He must be crazy in the bean.

  Fiddler Pig : To work all day is fun for him, but not for us. Let's take a swim!

  Practical Pig : Don't go swimming, do ya hear? The pond ain't safe; the wolf is near!

  Fifer Pig , Fiddler Pig : [singing]  He's afraid of the Big Bad Wolf...

  [They make razzing and whistling noises in time with the closing quota of their song] 

  Fiddler Pig : Last one in is a pork sausage!