- Muggs McGinnis: Where'd you just come from?
- Hank Salka: From the closet.
- Muggs McGinnis: What were ya doin' in the closet?
- Glimpy: He's got secrets.
- Danny: Hey, remember Foxworth the delicatessen man?
- Hank Salka: Yeah.
- Danny: He got ulcers of the stomach from eatin' his own baloney.
- Muggs McGinnis: [pleading to a surgeon why Danny's life's worth saving] Well, anyhow, he knocked over a hot mug.
- Dr. Ormsby: He knocked over what?
- Glimpy: You know, turns a slippery gink over to the coppers.
- Dr. Ormsby: I don't quite follow.
- Glimpy: Don't you understand English?
- Dr. Ormsby: Well, not that kind.
- Glimpy: [hitting on a nurse] Do you know how long they're gonna be in the operatin' room?
- Nurse: Well, I'm sure I don't know.
- Glimpy: Well, how long YOU gonna be tied up?
- Nurse: Oh, that depends. Why?
- Glimpy: Well, I thought, uh, maybe you'd like to operate on me, huh?
- Nurse: I would be delighted. Which would you prefer to have cut out, your duodenum or your sacroiliac?
- Glimpy: Well, I've already had my tires and sugar cut out, and I thought maybe you'd like to cut my heart out.
- Nurse: I think your heart still belongs to your mama.
- Capt. Bronson: Danny, you have not only displayed bravery in making possible the apprehension of Dutch Brocalli but a spirit of fine citizenship. Certainly you acted without knowledge or desire for monetary rewards. You are to be commended.
- Scruno: Hey, what's this "monetary" jive?
- Muggs McGinnis: I don't know. I think it's a place where they keep dead people.
- Muggs McGinnis: If you would stop drippin' from de lip just mom-entarily, we would take a trip, but I can't think of trips when you keep interrupting my conservation!
- Muggs McGinnis: Hi ya, warden. We want to see our pal.
- Glimpy: Surprise party.
- Scruno: Yeah, we thought he'd be kind of lonesome.
- Warden: All right, what's his name?
- Stash: His name? He knows his name.
- Muggs McGinnis: His name is Hank.
- Warden: Hank? Hank who? Hank Jacobson? Hank Murphy? Hank Greenberg?
- Glimpy: I know Hank Greenberg!
- Warden: Oh, you do?
- Muggs McGinnis: How do we know? It might be Hank Kerchief. All we know is that he's the kid who didn't do it.
- Warden: Well, that's what they ALL say when they come up here.
- Glimpy: I gotta go home and take my violin lesson.
- Danny: Look, what do you wanna be, Joe Dimaggio or Jascha Heifetz?
- Glimpy: Heifetz? What team does he play with?
- Muggs McGinnis: Heifetz plays third base with the Philharmonic.
- [a pretty nurse kisses Stash]
- Muggs McGinnis: Oh, no finesse. No technique. Nothin'. Come over here a minute. I'll give ya a few cryptic lessons in oskillation.
- Glimpy: Boy, wait'll I get my hands on that Brocalli. I'll tear him limb from limb.
- Muggs McGinnis: Save a few pieces for us, will you?
- Glimpy: Hey... hey, tell 'im about your dog.
- Muggs McGinnis: Yeah, you know that great dane I got?
- Hank Salka: You mean the big blue one?
- Muggs McGinnis: Yeah. He had forty-three pups.
- Hank Salka: Forty-three pups?
- Glimpy: Yeah, and dhey was all twins, too.
- [patrolman Reagan raps at the door]
- Muggs McGinnis: Who's dere?
- Joe Reagan: You know who it is! Come on, open up!
- Muggs McGinnis: All right. Wait about three shakes of a nightstick and I'll call my butler. Hey, Glimpy!
- Glimpy: Yeah?
- Muggs McGinnis: Open the door.
- Glimpy: I'm gonna put my apron on.