Kate & Leopold (2001)
Hugh Jackman: Leopold
Photos
Quotes
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[Talking to himself]
Leopold : Ah Miss Blaine, you dance like a herd of cattle. You are a rare woman who lights up a room simply by leaving it!
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Kate : She was a real romantic, my mom. When, when Prince Charles and Lady Di got married, she had a party, she made crumpets and jam. It was like a Super Bowl party, but for moms. She cried for a week.
Leopold : I don't know the story of Prince Charles and Lady Di.
Kate : Oh, you don't want to. It's a cautionary tale, further proof.
Leopold : Of what?
Kate : You can't live a fairy tale.
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Leopold : [of the Brooklyn Bridge] Good Lord, it still stands. The world has changed all around it, but Roebling's erection still stands! Ha, ha!
[to nearest bystander]
Leopold : That, my friend, is a miracle!
Sanitation Worker : What?
Leopold : It's a miracle, man!
Sanitation Worker : It's a bridge.
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[last lines]
Leopold : Well, let us proceed. Please raise your glasses so we may toast to my bride-to-be, the woman whose welfare and happiness shall be my solemn duty to maintain. The future Duchess of Albany...
[Kate catches his eye]
Leopold : Kate McKay. Of the McKays of...?
Kate : Massapequa.
Leopold : Massapequa.
[to his uncle's confusion, Leopold goes to Kate]
Kate : I love you.
Leopold : I love you.
[They kiss, then begin to dance]
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Leopold : [Kate reads an apology letter from Leopold] Dearest Katherine, I behaved as an imbecile last night, animated in part by drink, in part by your beauty, and in part by my own foolish pride. And for that, I am profoundly sorry. Please accept as a gesture of apology, a private dinner on the rooftop tonight at eight o'clock.
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Leopold : That thing is a damned hazard!
Kate : It's just a toaster!
Leopold : Well, insertion of bread into that so-called toaster produces no toast at all, merely warm bread! Inserting the bread twice produces charcoal. So, clearly, to make proper toast it requires one and a half insertions, which is something for which the apparatus doesn't begin to allow! One assumes that when the General of Electric built it, he might have tried using it. One assumes the General might take pride in his creations instead of just foisting them on an unsuspecting public.
Kate : You know something? Nobody gives a rat's ass that you have to push the toast down twice. You know why? Because everybody pushes their toast down twice!
Leopold : Not where I come from.
Kate : Oh, right. Where you come from, toast is the result of reflection and study!
Leopold : Ah yes, you mock me. But perhaps one day when you've awoken from a pleasant slumber to the scent of a warm brioche smothered in marmalade and fresh creamery butter, you'll understand that life is not solely composed of tasks, but tastes.
Kate : [mesmerized] Say that again.
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Charlie : [about the dishwasher] And you push this button. Word to the wise: don't press that till she wakes up, so she sees you doing it.
Leopold : How clever. The proverbial tree in the woods.
Charlie : If a man washes a dish, and no one sees it...
Charlie , Leopold : - did it happen?
Charlie : Right.
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Leopold : Where I come from the meal is the result of reflection and study. Menus are prepared in advance, timed to perfection. It is said that without the culinary arts, the crudeness of reality would be unbearable.
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Leopold : Some feel that to court a woman in one's employ is nothing more than a serpentine effort to transform a lady into a whore.
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Leopold : What has happened to the world? You have every convenience and comfort, yet no time for integrity.
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[while at dinner, JJ has been quoting Boheme to Kate. As Leopold leaves, he decides to correct JJ's errors]
Leopold : By the way. There is no "Andre" in Boheme. It's Rodolfo. And though it takes place in France, it is rarely played in French as it is written in Italian. Goodnight, Kate.
[he leaves. Charlie grins at JJ and Kate and then follows]
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Uncle Millard : It has always been your greatest misfortune, nephew, that you so thoroughly amuse yourself with the sound of your own voice.
Leopold : In a life as stagnant as mine, that I can amuse myself at all is an evolutionary miracle.
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Leopold : Otis always told me love is a leap. Lamentably, I was never inspired to jump.
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Kate : I'm not very good with men.
Leopold : Perhaps you haven't found the right one.
Kate : Maybe. Or, uh... maybe that whole love thing is just a grown-up version of Santa Claus; just a myth we've been fed since childhood. So, we keep buying magazines, joining clubs, and doing therapy and watching movies with hit pop songs played over love montages all in a pathetic attempt to explain why our love Santa keeps getting caught in the chimney.
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[Has chased and cornered a bag snatcher, while on horseback]
Leopold : I warn you scoundrel, I was trained at the King's Academy and schooled in weaponry by the palace guard. You stand no chance. When you run, I shall ride, when you stop, the steel of this strap shall be lodged in your brain.
[bag snatcher throws down the bag an flees, onlookers applaud]
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Stuart : You of all people should understand, you're a scientist. I mean, you invented the elevator.
Leopold : What is an elevator? What are you talking... Where the hell am I?
Stuart : I told you, you haven't actually gone anywhere, you're still in New York.
Leopold : That sir, is not New York!
Kate : I'm afraid it is!
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[Leopold and Charlie leave the club. Charlie is fuming because Leopold has enthralled Patrice, Charlie's love interest]
Charlie : And I would have gotten her number if you hadn't turned the evening into a guided tour of the Louvre!
Leopold : My apologies.
Charlie : Let's get one thing straight. Patrice, she thought you were cute - probably gay, and cute - and cute, Leo, that's just the kiss of death.
Leopold : Perhaps.
Charlie : Perhaps? Certainly!
Leopold : [produces a napkin] I believe this is her number.
[Charlie takes it from him in disbelief]
Leopold : As I see it, Patrice has not an inkling of your affections, and it's no wonder. You, Charles, are a merry-andrew.
Charlie : A what?
Leopold : Everything plays a farce to you. Women respond to sincerity. No-one wants to be romanced by a buffoon. Now, that number rings her.
Charlie : Yes?
Leopold : So ring her tomorrow.
Charlie : I can't. She gave the number to you.
Leopold : Only because I told her of your affections.
Charlie : [taken aback] Wha - what did you say?
Leopold : Merely that you admired her, but you were hesitant to make an overture, as you'd been told she was courting another.
Charlie : Shit... that's good! Well, what did she say?
Leopold : She handed me the napkin.
[Charlie rushes under a lit store window to read the napkin, and starts dialing his cell phone]
Leopold : Charles, it's quite late.
Charlie : No, no, she won't be home yet. I get her machine and leave a message, ball's in her court.
Leopold : You're ladling calculation upon comedy. The point is, to keep the ball in *your* court.
Charlie : [slaps his phone shut] You're right! You're right!
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Leopold : Marriage is the promise of eternal love. As a man of honor I cannot promise eternally what I've never felt momentarily.
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Leopold : Are you suggesting madam that there exists a law compelling a gentleman to lay hold of canine bowel movements?
Police Officer : I'm suggesting that you pick the poop up.
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[first lines]
Roebling : Time. Time, it has been proposed, is the fourth dimension. And yet, for mortal man, time has no dimension at all. We are like horses with blinders, seeing only what lies before us. Forever guessing the future and fabricating the past.
[applause]
Leopold : Brilliant.
Otis : Quite right, Your Grace.
Roebling : How, you ask, can we break these shackles, and live not in the moment, but in the glorious expanse of time continued? Listen, and I shall tell you. The secret lies in the enduring power of our achievements, our creations!
[applause]
Roebling : As the Pyramids testify to the Egyptians, so my glorious erection shall represent our culture in perpetuity!
[points to the half-finished Brooklyn Bridge]
Roebling : Behold, rising before you, the greatest erection on the continent! The greatest erection of the age! The greatest erection on the planet!
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[to Charlie]
Leopold : Is it your habit sir, to simply enter a conversation without introduction?
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Charlie : [Charlie, obviously drunk, is entertaining his friends with stories from acting camp] Ok, she comes back, the audience is about to leave, she comes back on stage and she starts squirting everybody with this turkey baster with this fime mist and she's screaming "Un-sex me! Un-sex me!"; it's just raw, human passion...
Dennis : Isn't, uh, Willem Dafoe a part of that group?
Charlie : Yeah, and he did this monologue about how the best things in life are hidden in people's basements...
Leopold : Like the Louvre?
[everybody pauses and looks at Leo]
Leopold : I'm sorry, you were saying, Charles?
Patrice : What about the Louvre?
Monica : Yeah, tell us what you were going to say.
Leopold : Well, only a fraction of the Louvre is on the walls. The rest is in the basement.
Patrice : You've been in the basement of the Louvre?
Leopold : Oh, yes!
Patrice : I was a art history major at Vassar!
Leopold : Ahhhh...
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Leopold : [to Charlie] You're intoxicated. We should retire.
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Leopold : [has a purse thief trapped near a locked gate to an overpass in the park] I warn you, scoundrel, I was trained to ride at the King's academy and schooled in weaponry by the palace guard. You stand no chance. Where you run, I shall ride and when you stop, the steel of this strap will be lodged in your brain.
[the purse thief throws the purse to the ground and runs off]
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[Leopold has been chosen as the spokesman for Kate's butter commercial]
Leopold : Fresh creamery butter. Is there anything more comforting? I say there is. And perhaps you'll agree when you sample fat-free Farmer's Bounty with the genuine essence of creamery butter in every bite. With every mouthful of Farmer's Bounty you shall receive butter's luxurious comfort in your mouth without adding to the luxury of your waistline.
