- Band Singer: Why don't you grab her?
- Kay Kyser: Well, she's just not what I'm looking for.
- Band Singer: Now, I'm warning you, Kay, you better grab somebody fast - and I mean fast!
- Band Member: The first thing I'm gonna do is climb into a hot bath and stay there for two days.
- Ish Kabibble: Then he's gonna take his clothes off.
- Kay Kyser: Boy, I'm in a hurry to finish that one because I can't wait for you to see who I just saw over in the wings. It's our own, stop, look at, and listen to gal gorgeous Georgia Carroll.
- Band Singer: [singing] You completely overwhelm me, With those love tales that you tell me, You merely hold me tight, And I face a sleepless night, You make me dream too much...
- Kay Kyser: I promised the gang a two week's vacation.
- Tom Gordon: Oh, that's too bad, Kay.
- Kay Kyser: Gee, and after that we're booked solid for several months of camp shows and I want the fellas to be rested so they can do a swell job for the service men.
- Charlotte Barton: How would you like to get married?
- Ish Kabibble: Who to?
- Charlotte Barton: Well to me, of course!
- Ish Kabibble: Uh-uh, my mother and father were married once, and look what happened.
- Kay Kyser: I'm mighty glad to have met you, Miss Carver.
- Julie Carver: It's a thrill on my part, Mr. Kyser.
- Alfred: I don't mean to be pre-sump-tur-ous but, uh, how about that three bucks you owe me?
- Phineas: Oh yes, the three Simoleons. Oh, I'm temporarily financially distressed. Honey, would you...
- [Julie gives him the cash]
- Phineas: Thanks.
- Julie Carver: What about the five I gave you yesterday?
- Phineas: That ran seventh at Pimlico.
- Phineas: Well, Mr. Kyser, I may be an old rooster but I don't aspire to be the father of a slick chick.
- Julie Carver: Oh, why, Father. Where did he ever learn such talk?
- Phineas: Oh, I'm hip. I'm solid in the groove. Brother, slip me some skin!
- Kay Kyser: He's really hip.
- Dance Specialty: [singing] Mr. Beebe, Thank you for the tip, Big Beebe, Harlem's hip! Since you came on, Every zoot suit's gone...
- Singer in 'Mr. Beebe' number: [singing] Harlem's alive, To his dressed up jive, Beebe's the man who knows, Now I've heard them say, Clothes he throws away, Are the clothes that they'll wear next Fall, And it's also said when he goes to bed, His pajamas are as groovy, As a technicolor movie...
- Tom Gordon: When Kay promises you anything, he keeps his promise. Ya'll know that, don't you.
- Band Member: We know that. But does Kay know it?
- Kay Kyser: I like to walk around with a knife sticking out of my back. A few more friends like you and I'd look like a porcupine.
- Charlotte Barton: I used to tour the country doing a balloon dance - boy you shoulda seen me! I was sensational! I used to dance and blow, and dance and blow, and dance and blow...
- Phineas: Oh, there's nothing to writing a contract! I could draw up one right here, it's simple. All you have to say is: the party of the first part agrees to pay the party of the second part, whatever the party of the first part thinks would be acceptable to the party of the second part.
- Kay Kyser: The clouds are lifting, the sun is shining again. Spring is here! Oh, the roosters are crowing. The chicks are chicking. The ducks are ducking - to and fro in the duck pond. Ahhh Spring! The cows are mooing. The birds are chirping. The little lambs are eating ivy. Life is starting to stir again...
- Julie Carver: It's tonight or never! A full moon, starlit night, the smell of new-mown hay - and Chanel No.5.
- Kay Kyser: That's the old swimming hole. I used to swim there when I was a kid. Gee, you should have seen me. Oh, I guess not.
- Julie Carver: Why not?
- Kay Kyser: 'Cause we kids went swimming barefooted - all over.