- Rusty Cammeron: [Grandpop and Rusty have just finished watching Clark Gable in "Boom Town"] Grandpa, I couldn't bring myself to slap a woman.
- Grandpop Cammeron: In your case, it's a necessity.
- Rusty Cammeron: Well, supposing they don't go for it?
- Grandpop Cammeron: You've got to assert your masculine dominance; if she takes it, that's love.
- Rusty Cammeron: Well, what if she slaps back?
- Grandpop Cammeron: That, my boy, is marriage.
- Grandpop Cammeron: Let the ladies beware, let the music begin. There's many a good tune in an *old* violin.
- Rusty Cammeron: [opening lines] Hiya folks, this is me.
- Pop Cammeron: And me.
- Grandpop Cammeron: And me.
- Opening narrator: [as himself] I'll tell you what these names mean so you can eat your popcorn in peace.
- [Arlene Dahl's and Ann Miller's names appear in the opening credits]
- Opening narrator: These two girls fought over me: Arlene Dahl wanted me to marry Ann Miller, and Ann Miller wanted me to marry Arlene Dahl.
- Opening narrator: [the movie's title appears on the screen] This is the title, please tell your friends; we'd like to make a little money with this picture.
- Opening narrator: [credits continue, showing Leon Ames, Pam Britton, and Richard Rober] These are the villains, they get paid for being bad; me, I'm different, I'm good for nothing.
- Opening narrator: [writers' names appear] We have four writers on this picture; three of them could write, and the other one was my wife's brother.
- Opening narrator: [other crew members' names appear] These are the men who control everything; the sound, the photography, the costume, the scenery, the makeup. They tell you what to do,and you do it, they are the bosses. In movies, they call them technicians; in the army, they're called sergeants.
- Opening narrator: [producer's name appears] The producer raved about my acting; in fact, they took him away yesterday.
- Opening narrator: [director's name appears] A director has to have three things: imagination, showmanship, and another job in case the picture's no good.
- [opening credits conclude]
- Rusty Cammeron: [boy enters] Well, welcome to Cammeron & Son & Son's photographic studios. What can I do for you?
- Boy in Camera Shop: I'd like to buy a camera for $22.50.
- Rusty Cammeron: Oh... Well, we have a $20 camera, and the price next to that is $25.
- Boy in Camera Shop: I'd like one for $22.50.
- Rusty Cammeron: Oh... Well, I'll tell you what, we're having a sale today, so I'll give you the 25 dollar camera for $22.50.
- Boy in Camera Shop: Next, I'd like 5 rolls of film at 95 cents a roll.
- Rusty Cammeron: Five rolls of film... Well, they come in a package of 6, can you use the extra one?
- Boy in Camera Shop: No thanks, just give me 5 rolls of film at 95 cents a roll.
- Rusty Cammeron: Oh... Well, you seem like a nice little boy. I tell you what, I'll give you all 6 for the price of 5.
- Boy in Camera Shop: Fine, next I'd like a camera case at 3 dollars.
- Rusty Cammeron: Save your money, you don't need a camera case.
- Boy in Camera Shop: I'd like a 3 dollar camera case.
- Rusty Cammeron: Yeah... Here's one I'll let you have for 3 dollars.
- Boy in Camera Shop: Thank you, how much does that all come to?
- Rusty Cammeron: Well, let's find out.
- [puts the adding machine on the counter]
- Rusty Cammeron: Here we are: camera, $22.50, film , $.95... $3.00.
- [adds up the total]
- Rusty Cammeron: That comes to 30 dollars and 25 cents.
- Boy in Camera Shop: Are you sure?
- Rusty Cammeron: Well, this machine's never been wrong yet.
- Boy in Camera Shop: Thank you very much mister, good-bye.
- Rusty Cammeron: Goodbye - Wait a minute! Hey, don't you want to take your stuff?
- Boy in Camera Shop: No, I just wanted to make sure I had the total right, that was my arithmetic lesson for tomorrow.
- [boy leaves the store]
- Rusty Cammeron: Oh.
- [looks at camera with hat on top, mistaking it for a customer]
- Rusty Cammeron: What can I do for you?
- [takes hat off the camera]
- Rusty Cammeron: Oh.
- Rusty Cammeron: Oh, welcome to Cammeron & Son & Son's photographic studio, what can I do for you?
- Mr. Whittle: My name's Whittle, I'm from the Eagle Collection Agency.
- Rusty Cammeron: Oh, well there must be some mistake, I don't collect eagles.
- Mr. Whittle: My agency's been retained by your creditors to collect the sum of eleven hundred and ninety-seven dollars.
- [hands Rusty a bill]
- Mr. Whittle: Here's a list of what you owe.
- Rusty Cammeron: Oh, well I'll have to speak to my father about this.
- [reads the invoice]
- Rusty Cammeron: How could we owe all of that money?
- Mr. Whittle: I'm only doing my duty, but if you can't pay this, I'm afraid we'll have to close up your store.
- Rusty Cammeron: Look mister, all of my savings, all of my father's savings went into opening this store. Now we're liable to take in the $1,197 on this sale alone. Couldn't you give us a little more time, please?
- Mr. Whittle: Well, let's say day after tomorrow, but I can't give you one minute more, now that's final.
- Rusty Cammeron: Thanks.
- Mr. Whittle: Good day.
- Rusty Cammeron: Goodbye.
- Rusty Cammeron: Say fellas, would you mind coming back tomorrow? I'm having a sale today.
- Street Construction Workman: Why don't you write a letter to the newspapers?
- Rusty Cammeron: Wait a minute! You just fixed this street last week.
- Street Construction Workman: Well, you can't expect things to last forever.
- Rusty Cammeron: No.
- Street Construction Workman: Come on.
- Rusty Cammeron: Hey, wait a minute!
- Rusty Cammeron: [awakes, sees Lucia] My camera, where's my camera?
- Lucia Corlane: Oh, I'm sorry, but I'm afraid we lost that.
- Rusty Cammeron: Oh no, why, you should have saved the camera and let me drown. That thing cost $1,200.
- Lucia Corlane: Oh I'm sorry, it's all my fault.
- Rusty Cammeron: All my life, I've been doing things I couldn't afford, but it's the first time I ever got any pleasure out of it.
- Rusty Cammeron: Achoo!
- [camera bulb flashes]
- Rusty Cammeron: [examines the camera, then picks up the flash bulbs he knocked off the counter] I wonder if I broke those?
- Rusty Cammeron: [changes bulb] Better test them.
- Rusty Cammeron: [bulb flashes] That's a good one.
- Rusty Cammeron: [replaces bulb, it flashes] That's a good one.
- Rusty Cammeron: [replaces another bulb, no flash] Aha, I knew I broke one.
- [bulb goes off a second later]
- Rusty Cammeron: [Rusty hears birds tweeting] Oh, pardon me, welcome to Cammeron & Son & Son's photographic... Achoo!
- [sniffs]
- Rusty Cammeron: Pardon me, I fell in the water yesterday and caught a little cold. What can I do for you?
- Woody - Steward: I want a camera, anything costing $150.
- Rusty Cammeron: $150? Right this way.
- [walks over to the display counter]
- Rusty Cammeron: Here's a nice little camera for exactly $150; course, I got another one here for $49, it takes much better pictures.
- Woody - Steward: I'll take the $150 one.
- Rusty Cammeron: Oh, I'll put it in a nice little box for you.
- [customer leaves]
- Rusty Cammeron: Gee, that makes over $2,000 today.
- Rusty Cammeron: Pop! Hey Dad, will you come out here? I want to talk to you!
- [puts money in cash register]
- Pop Cammeron: [Pop Cammeron comes out of the dark room] I was in here trying to re-touch one of our customer's snapshots.
- Pop Cammeron: [looks at photo, whistles] I think it's a little overdeveloped. Poor girl, little too fond of food. Too bad she didn't hear your grandfather's poem.
- Rusty Cammeron: Which one?
- Pop Cammeron: Oh, the one where Grandpa says, um: 'Put that fork down sister, this is for sure, You can't have mashed potatoes and l'amour toujours.' What's up?
- Rusty Cammeron: [holding a ledger pad and pencil] We did $2,200 worth of business today. Last Thursday we took in $4.12, and this Thursday we take in $2,200. That's an increase of 60,000 percent!
- Pop Cammeron: [stretches his rubber glove] Well, I told you business would gradually pick up.
- Rusty Cammeron: At that rate, next Thursday we'll take in 1,000,440 dollars, and then the following Thursday we're going to take in 86 million dollars. Holy smoke!
- Pop Cammeron: [whistles] Your grandfather would be pleased. You know what he says about money: 'Only two things in life are important, brother; the first is money, and I don't remember the other.'
- [Pop blows into his rubber glove]
- Rusty Cammeron: Yes sir, what can I do for you?
- Mr. Tirson: I left my light meter here to be fixed, the name's Tirson.
- Rusty Cammeron: Tirson, yes sir.
- [goes behind the counter]
- Rusty Cammeron: That'll be $5.00 even. Say, we're having a sale today, give you a nice trade-in on a new light meter.
- Mr. Tirson: Are you kidding? Brother, this is the sweetest little light meter in the business; only last week in the rain I grabbed a shot of a 5-star general. Easiest $100 I ever made in my life.
- Rusty Cammeron: $100 just for a little piece of film?
- Mr. Tirson: Sure, I'm a freelance newsreel cameraman.
- Rusty Cammeron: Oh?
- Mr. Tirson: They'll pay heavy for any hot footage.
- Rusty Cammeron: They will?
- Mr. Tirson: Well, I've sold 'em so much stuff that I'm going to take a nice 2 weeks vacation.
- Rusty Cammeron: [leaves the counter] Hey, wait a minute! Are you, uh, taking your cameras with you?
- Mr. Tirson: This is a vacation.
- Rusty Cammeron: Oh, well our firm makes a special offer of air-conditioned storage space for cameras. It's moth-proof, rust-proof, and uh, burglar-proof.
- Mr. Tirson: No, I don't think I'd be interested.
- Rusty Cammeron: It's only 35 cents a week; for new customers, 35 cents for 2 weeks.
- Lucia Corlane: Hello, Mr. Cammeron.
- Rusty Cammeron: Gee, it's good to see you, when I'm not all wet - I mean, when you're drier than I'm wetter. Say, I'd like for you to meet my pop.
- Lucia Corlane: Oh, I'd love to.
- Rusty Cammeron: You would?
- Lucia Corlane: Yes.
- Lucia Corlane: Your father's a darling.
- Rusty Cammeron: I'm his only son. You look so wonderful it's silly to ask, how are you?
- Lucia Corlane: I'm very well; I'm also a customer.
- Rusty Cammeron: Oh, well I'm rather disappointed.
- Lucia Corlane: You mean you don't want to sell anything?
- Rusty Cammeron: Well, no. When I look at you, I don't think of business; that is, well, if I had a store, I would give you anything and - Well, I do have a store and - Here.
- [goes behind the counter and takes a camera down from the shelf]
- Rusty Cammeron: Take that as a souvenir, I was going to throw it away anyhow.
- Lucia Corlane: Thank you, but I couldn't. I would like to buy a gift for a friend, say something around $200.
- Rusty Cammeron: Well, this camera with the carrying case and some film will run around $200.
- Lucia Corlane: Fine, I'll take them.
- Rusty Cammeron: Mm-hm, pardon me.
- [Rusty turns his head, sneezes]
- Lucia Corlane: What are you taking for that cold?
- Rusty Cammeron: Make me an offer - I mean nothing, it's nothing at all. It's slight.
- Lucia Corlane: Well, as soon as you've finished wrapping this, I'm taking you right down to my doctor.
- Rusty Cammeron: Well, I'd rather not. You see, he might cure me, and then I'd never see you again. Why don't we go to my doctor, he's not too good, heh.
- Lucia Corlane: Bundle up, and I'll drive you right down.
- Rusty Cammeron: I'll wrap this for you.
- Mr. Hugh Shanway: Naturally, Mr. Farns, the bank will want my report before granting the completion loan; I imagine that money's rather important to you.
- Grantland D. Farns: Important? Without that money, we can't finish this project. You know that as well as we do, and a bad report from you might force Miss Corlane to sell out, probably at a big sacrifice.
- Mr. Hugh Shanway: You do work for Miss Corlane, don't you?
- Grantland D. Farns: Well, Mr. Shanway, I guess I'm like every other smart man in the world: I really work for me.
- Mr. Hugh Shanway: [horn honks] Isn't that your boss now?
- Grantland D. Farns: [car pulls up] You finish looking around, I'll see you later, buy you a drink.
- Mr. Hugh Shanway: A drink might be a good idea.
- Grantland D. Farns: We have to drink a toast to my favorite subject: money.
- Rusty Cammeron: [looks at the blackboard] Pop, I can't figure it out. Yesterday we take in $2,400, and today we take in $1.90.
- Pop Cammeron: Well, looks like we won't need that bigger store after all.
- Rusty Cammeron: I was hoping that with a million dollars that - Well, even someone like me wouldn't be afraid to make up to a rich girl.
- Mr. Whittle: Oh, Mr. Cammeron?
- Rusty Cammeron: Hmm? Oh!
- Mr. Whittle: It's me again. Say, I hope you've got that $1,197. Now no hard feelings, but they made me bring the sheriff with me, he's out in the car.
- Rusty Cammeron: Well, you can tell him to stay in the car, I got the money in the cash register.
- [goes to the cash register]
- Mr. Whittle: Well, I'll say.
- Rusty Cammeron: [pushes the register keys] There you are, $1,197.
- Mr. Whittle: Well you don't know how pleased I am, Mr. Cammeron, now you've got nothing to worry about. Well, good luck.
- [Mr. Whittle leaves the store]
- Rusty Cammeron: Goodbye, and I got $1,204.97 left.
- [goes to the phone, starts to dial while humming "The Wedding March"]
- Rusty Cammeron: Hello, may I please speak to Miss Lucia Corlane?
- Mr. Tirson: [enters the store] Hi, Mr. Cammeron. Now, here's your 35 cents, would you get my camera out of storage, please?
- Rusty Cammeron: Your camera? Oh, well Mr. Tirson, unfortunately I lost your camera. Will you take the one Pop has over there? It's not a newsreel camera, but it takes awfully good pictures.
- Mr. Tirson: Give me my camera or give me $1,200 in cash, or I call the police.
- Rusty Cammeron: Okay, give him the $1,200, Pop.
- [goes back to the phone]
- Rusty Cammeron: Hello? No, I don't want to speak to Miss Corlane, I guess I was trying to call the wrong number.
- Mr. Tirson: [cash register opens] Thank you boys, I've been trying to sell that camera for 6 months, ha ha ha ha!
- Pop Cammeron: Well, thank goodness it wasn't a total loss, we got 35¢ out of him.
- [chuckles]
- Rusty Cammeron: [quietly to himself] Yeah.
- Pop Cammeron: Well, I think I better go deposit this in the bank.
- [heads out the doorway, then turns to Rusty]
- Pop Cammeron: Oh son, if any more customers come in, don't wait on them, because we can't afford to lose any more money.
- [chuckles, Rusty nods in agreement]
- Rusty Cammeron: [reads a newspaper article about Lucia Corlane, who will be attending a groundbreaking ceremony] No wonder you're the head of a big construction company, you're a walking example of good construction.
- Rusty Cammeron: [reading an article on Lucia Corlane, who will be attending a groundbreaking ceremony] No wonder you're the head of a construction company, you're a walking example of good construction.
- Lucia Corlane: Hello.
- Rusty Cammeron: [Rusty puts the newspaper down] Gee, Miss Corlane.
- Lucia Corlane: I'm glad you're in, because we have some business to discuss.
- Rusty Cammeron: Business?
- Lucia Corlane: Of course. Aren't you a photographer?
- Rusty Cammeron: Photograph you, Miss Corlane? I have nothing else to do the rest of my life.
- Lucia Corlane: That's very flattering, but what I had in mind was a real estate project, Lucky Vista.
- Rusty Cammeron: I know, here! If all bosses looked like you, labor and management could really get together.
- Lucia Corlane: What I need is a pictorial record of the construction as it progresses. I just might want to prove that everything is being done right.
- Rusty Cammeron: You don't expect any trouble, do you?
- Lucia Corlane: I can't take any chances. You see, my father started this project just before he died, it was his life's dream.
- Rusty Cammeron: Well, I know you'll do it.
- Lucia Corlane: I have to, for my own sake, too. Every penny I inherited is in Lucky Vista. If anything happened to it, the money Dad left me, my home, everything - I'd lose it quicker than you lost that $1,200 camera.
- Rusty Cammeron: Well, don't you worry, nothing's going to happen. Say, why don't we discuss this business at lunch? I'm an awful good cook.
- Lucia Corlane: All right, we'll call it a businessman's lunch.
- Rusty Cammeron: Good, right this way, Miss Corlane.
- Rusty Cammeron: [Rusty and Lucia enter the clinic] Uh, you're going to wait for me, aren't you?
- Lucia Corlane: I told you, I have to get back to the office.
- Rusty Cammeron: Oh... well... supposing I have an attack on the way home?
- Lucia Corlane: You just thought of that, didn't you?
- Rusty Cammeron: Mm-hmm.
- Lucia Corlane: Now remember, do exactly as the doctor tells you.
- Rusty Cammeron: I'll do everything I'm told.
- Lucia Corlane: [Rusty opens the door for Lucia, who is about to leave] Bye.
- Rusty Cammeron: Bye.
- Man Who Undresses: [Rusty knocks on the door, nobody answers, so he enters the room, the other man bumps into Rusty as he opens the door] Oh, pardon me, I'm in an awful hurry, do you mind?
- Rusty Cammeron: Oh no, it's all right, go ahead.
- [the other man knocks Rusty down to the floor]
- Rusty Cammeron: Ugh, you're on my coat down here.
- Man Who Undresses: [the other man brushes Rusty to one side, Rusty pushes the other man into the wall by his neck] Please... playboy.
- [He attempts to take off his vest, and Rusty accidentally puts his arm into the sleeve hole, tearing it]
- Man Who Undresses: Look what you did!
- Rusty Cammeron: Well, I'm sorry, this was my room to begin with.
- Man Who Undresses: Ahhh!
- [the other man pulls Rusty's hat over his eyes several times; Rusty taps him from behind, and waves his hand over his face in a downward sweep]
- Man Who Undresses: [the other man loosens his suspenders; Rusty gets his arm caught, and releases it with a snap] Ohhh! Don't you know how to behave in public?
- Rusty Cammeron: Look, this was my room, you came in here, I didn't ask you to -
- [the other man waves his fingers over Rusty's lips]
- Rusty Cammeron: Bbl-bbl-bbl-bbl.
- Man Who Undresses: [Rusty and the other man take turns putting clothes on the other's hooks, Rusty reaches for his coat, but gets the other man's leg] What!
- Rusty Cammeron: [gulps] Heh-heh, you're walking all over...
- Man Who Undresses: Sorry.
- [sighs exahustedly as he tries to take off his shirt]
- Rusty Cammeron: Achoo! I'm... I'm sorry.
- [Rusty starts to sneeze again, the other man slaps him, he sneezes again a moment later]
- Man Who Undresses: If I wasn't in such a hurry, I'd...
- Rusty Cammeron: Look, you go ahead finish undressing, I'll wait.
- [the other man starts to take his pants off]
- Rusty Cammeron: Here, let me help you.
- Man Who Undresses: [Rusty sneezes once again, tearing the other man's pants] Umph!
- [the other man tosses Rusty out of the dressing room]
- Woman Who Undresses: [Rusty stumbles into the other dressing room with the woman, and quickly leaves] Aagh! Aagh!
- Grantland D. Farns: Now, here's an example: supposing the bank thought that some of the lumber we used was green and unseasoned.
- Mr. Hugh Shanway: Just for the sake of argument, making no promises, put that into words.
- Grantland D. Farns: Well, you can get yourself $10,000 cash by having your report show green lumber, bad concrete; anything that will delay the bank from making the final loan.
- Mr. Hugh Shanway: Ten thousand?
- Grantland D. Farns: Ten, and ten more when Miss Corlane loses the place to some friends of mine
- Mr. Hugh Shanway: I can't say you didn't put it into words.
- Grantland D. Farns: I'll put it into money anytime you say.
- Mr. Hugh Shanway: No time like this afternoon.
- [Farns and Shanway walk away from the site, unaware that a camera has just filmed their conversation]
- Mayor: It always gives me great pleasure to officiate at a meeting of this kind. It is really wonderful to look around and see so many fair faces.
- Rusty Cammeron: [Pop Cammeron's truck pulls up in front of the platform] Right here, Pop!
- Mayor: It's...
- Rusty Cammeron: Pop, pull forward!
- [the truck moves forward]
- Mayor: As the first item on the program, it is my privilege to present the winner of the Hale beauty contest: Miss Lucky Vista herself!
- [the band plays music as Miss Lucky Vista steps onto the platform]
- Miss Lucky Vista: Having been chosen the most beautiful girl in the city by over 5,000 folk, I wish to thank everybody, including my mother and father.
- [applause as the mayor hands a ceremonial shovel to Miss Lucky Vista]
- Miss Lucky Vista: Oh yes, and I officially present this silver shovel to Mrs. Hugh Shanway, the beautiful wife of our bank inspector. Oh, and thank you for your votes; you can find me every evening at the Rosewood dance hall, where I'm hostess.
- [a sailor in the crowd claps and says "Wow!"]
- Miss Lucky Vista: Hiya, sailor.
- Mrs. Shanway: it is my privilege to turn the first spadeful of earth of the second unit of Lucky Vista.
- [the crowd applauds as Mrs. Shanway hands the silver shovel to Miss Lucky Vista]
- Grantland D. Farns: Lucia, why don't you sell out so I can get some sleep?
- Lucia Corlane: You better start taking sleeping tablets, because I'm going to finish this project myself.
- Mrs. Shanway: In honored memory of that estimable, that foresighted, that public spirited individual, the late lamented Cornelius Schuyler Corlane, whose lifelong dream was the completion of this project.
- [Miss Lucky Vists hands the shovel to Mrs. Shanway, who uses it to break the ground; the crowd applauds]
- Mrs. Shanway: I hereby dedicate this ceremonial moment to Mr. Corlane's daughter, who will carry on the work: Miss Lucia Corlane!
- Lucia Corlane: Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. They told me that a girl couldn't carry on this project; that's all I needed to hear. We're having a big turkey raffle at 4:00, I hope you will all participate. Turkeys are courtesy of the Lenard-Vulty turkey ranch, oh and here they come now.
- Rusty Cammeron: Hey Pop!
- Pop Cammeron: What is it, son?
- Rusty Cammeron: Quarter after 7:00, is that film ready?
- Pop Cammeron: I just finished fixing it.
- [Pop puts the film canister on Rusty's dresser top]
- Pop Cammeron: There you are, my boy.
- Rusty Cammeron: Is it any good?
- Pop Cammeron: I fixed it myself.
- Rusty Cammeron: Were you careful with that soundtrack?
- Pop Cammeron: Now don't worry, son. I told you, I fixed it.
- Rusty Cammeron: Well, wish me luck, Pop, I see her in 10 minutes.
- Pop Cammeron: Oh?
- [Rusty checks his night stand]
- Pop Cammeron: You going to her house?
- Rusty Cammeron: Yes, sir.
- Pop Cammeron: You going empty handed?
- Rusty Cammeron: Why, yes sir. What's the matter?
- Pop Cammeron: Well, remember Grandfather's poem?
- Rusty Cammeron: Which one?
- Pop Cammeron: "He who calls without a present may get in, but it won't be pleasant."
- Rusty Cammeron: Well, uh, what do you think I ought to take?
- Pop Cammeron: Many a man has parlayed a box of chocolates into a wife and four children.
- Lucia Corlane: Good evening, Rusty.
- Rusty Cammeron: Oh, good evening. Say, it was nice of Mr. Farns to arrange to show the picture.
- Lucia Corlane: You seem nervous.
- Rusty Cammeron: Well, I'm in a lot of trouble.
- Lucia Corlane: What kind of trouble?
- Rusty Cammeron: Well, when a fella calls on his girl - that is, a girl - for the first time, well, he knows 8:00 is the right time to get there. Well, here's his trouble: should the guy show up exactly at 8:00 to prove to the girl that he's reliable and steady, or should he show up maybe at 8:30 and show her that he's uh, more carefree and nonchalant?
- Lucia Corlane: What time is it now, Rusty?
- Rusty Cammeron: Half past 7:00.
- Lucia Corlane: Shall we go in?
- [Rusty and Lucia enter the parlor]
- Rusty Cammeron: Here's the film.
- [hands the box of chocolates to the projectionist by mistake]
- Movie Projectionist: Okay, thanks.
- Rusty Cammeron: Oh Miss Corlane -
- [hands the film to the projectionist and takes the box of chocolates to Miss Corlane]
- Rusty Cammeron: Oh, pardon me. Miss Corlane, I happen to have a box of candy for you.
- Lucia Corlane: Oh, thank you very much.
- [Rusty stumbles over the ottoman]
- Lucia Corlane, Miss Lucky Vista: Oh!
- Miss Lucky Vista: Is he all right?
- Lucia Corlane: Are you hurt?
- Rusty Cammeron: No, I'm okay; that's a silly place to put furniture, I'm sorry.
- Mrs. Shanway: [from the film] It is my privilege to turn the first spadeful of earth
- [the video portion of the film abruptly changes from Mrs. Shanway to a turkey with Mrs. Shanway's voice due to a film error]
- Mrs. Shanway: of the second unit of Lucky Vista...
- Mrs. Shanway: Why, that's my speech! That horrible turkey is making my speech!
- Rusty Cammeron: Well, Mrs. Shanway, it's not the film's fault, it's- it's that projector.
- Movie Projectionist: Nothing wrong with my projector!
- Rusty Cammeron: Why, there must be, we didn't shoot anything like...
- Mrs. Shanway: [the film continues] In honored memory of that estimable, that foresighted, that public spirited industrialist, the late lamented Cornelius -
- [the audio switches to a turkey gobbling]
- Mrs. Shanway: [Miss Lucky Vista quietly laughs to herself] Oh! That's the most humiliating thing I've ever seen! You stop this picture at once!
- Mr. Hugh Shanway: Me? I didn't have anything to do with it!
- Miss Lucky Vista: [Miss Lucky Vista runs into Mr. Shanway's arms] Oh, why Mr. Shanway, why I had no idea you were so strong.
- Mr. Hugh Shanway: I wouldn't be surprised if you weren't the prettiest girl I ever saw.
- Miss Lucky Vista: You shouldn't say that, you're a married man.
- Mr. Hugh Shanway: Let's forget about the old battle-ax.
- Mrs. Shanway: Ohh! Ohh!
- Lucia Corlane: Please turn it off.
- [the film ends and the lights go on]
- Mrs. Shanway: Hugh Shanway, you worm! You viper!
- Mr. Hugh Shanway: But honey, it...
- Mrs. Shanway: "Old battle-ax", huh? You know very well I'm only 29!
- Mr. Hugh Shanway: Honey, use some sense, that film's all mixed up. You know you didn't talk like a turkey to those people.
- Mrs. Shanway: You didn't talk like a married man to that skin tomato!
- Mr. Hugh Shanway: Oh honey, that dialogue was from another scene.
- Mrs. Shanway: And as for you trying to steal my husband, I ought to have you arrested for petty larceny!
- Miss Lucky Vista: Well what is she -
- [Mrs. Shanway pushes Miss Lucky Vista down into a chair and leaves]
- Miss Lucky Vista: I don't know why she's so jealous of me, I'm not jealous of her!
- Grandpop's Girl: [offscreen] Eeek! Oh, oh!
- Rusty Cammeron: [Grandpop Cammeron enters the store, whistles] Grandpa!
- Pop Cammeron: What was that scream?
- Grandpop Cammeron: Ecstacy, my boy, sheer ecstasy. Warmed myself, and why shouldn't I? Let the ladies beware, let the music begin, there's many a good tune in an old violin.
- [to Pop Cammeron]
- Grandpop Cammeron: How are you, son?
- Pop Cammeron: I'm glad you're here, father. Rusty's got a problem.
- Grandpop Cammeron: Oh? Well, speak freely, my boy, you're amongst a friend.
- Pop Cammeron: Uh, not too freely, he's at the age where he picks things up.
- Rusty Cammeron: Well, it's a terrible problem, Grandpa, and she's such a wonderful girl.
- Grandpop Cammeron: Oh, a dame, huh? You've got no problem.
- [laughs]
- Grandpop Cammeron: So you got a girl, huh? Well - Junior, you better get back to bed, there's gonna be a lot of boy talk floating around here.
- Pop Cammeron: Now, you take it easy, Pop. I've met Miss Corlane, and she's a very sweet girl.
- Grandpop Cammeron: All girls are sweet. Now, uh, get lost, go cheat yourself at solitaire.
- Pop Cammeron: Can't I stay up?
- Grandpop Cammeron: You heard me!
- [Pop Cammeron leaves the room]
- Rusty Cammeron: My goodness, Grandpa, what happened to you, you've changed.
- Grandpop Cammeron: I had to. For years I sat around in a rocking chair and carpet slipppers while the rest of the world went on without me.
- Rusty Cammeron: You look younger than Pop.
- Grandpop Cammeron: Sure I do now. I've gone modern, up-to-date, turned over a new page, Rusty, and it's mighty nice reading.
- Rusty Cammeron: I never would have believed it.
- Rusty Cammeron: Well grandpa, it's terrible, everything's gone wrong since our first meeting. She saved my life instead of me saving hers; she practically supports our business. Now, how can I ever hope to get anywhere with a girl like that?
- Grandpop Cammeron: Now you listen carefully to me, Rusty, I'm going to teach you about the new facts of life: for thousands of years, women have been delicate, sheltered creatures, covered from stem to stern.
- Rusty Cammeron: That's right.
- Grandpop Cammeron: Then came the new era. Nowadays between the plunging neckline and the French bathing suit, the average woman has to put something on to take a bath.
- Rusty Cammeron: Things certainly have changed.
- Grandpop Cammeron: Yes sir, they certainly have. Why, a fella used to see his girl in the moonlight looking at roses; now when you see a girl in the moonlight, she's playing first base for a softball team.
- Rusty Cammeron: I don't follow you.
- Grandpop Cammeron: My boy, you're really in trouble.
- Rusty Cammeron: [wakes up aboard Miss Corlane's yacht] Oh no.
- [gets out of bed]
- Rusty Cammeron: Hey, what happened?
- Woody - Steward: You fell overboard again.
- Rusty Cammeron: Well, don't tell me she did it again?
- Woody - Steward: Yeah.
- Rusty Cammeron: Getting so a guy can't fall overboard that she doesn't dive in and save his life. Where is she?
- Woody - Steward: She told me to tell you that she's gone to South America.
- Rusty Cammeron: South America?
- Woody - Steward: Yeah.
- Rusty Cammeron: Boy, what a swimmer.
- Rusty Cammeron: [while driving a straddle carrier truck] Look, I make up my mind in a hurry, you're never gonna leave me. We'll get married as soon as we get out of this mess. Do you understand?
- Lucia Corlane: Of course I do, anything you say, Clark - I- I mean Rusty.
- Rusty Cammeron: Well then, slide over here and give me a kiss!
- [Lucia puts her arm on Rusty's shoulder]
- Rusty Cammeron: Gee, Grandpa and Clark Gable would be mighty proud of me.
- [last lines]
- Lucia Corlane: [Rusty and Lucia park the straddle carrier next to the police station] Officers, don't let these two men get away!
- Policeman: Okay, miss!
- Lucia Corlane: [Rusty and Lucia climb in through the police station window] Oh officer, I want those two men arrested; they're guilty, and we've got the film to prove it.
- Police Captain: Now wait a minute, young lady.
- Rusty Cammeron: If I hadn't have straightened out that soundtrack, we'd never known what happened.
- Police Captain: What soundtrack are you talking about?
- [the film fades out to the closing credits]
- Rusty Cammeron: Pop, this is Miss Lucia Corlane.
- Lucia Corlane: How do you do?
- Pop Cammeron: I want to thank you for saving my boy's life.
- Lucia Corlane: Oh, it wasn't that serious; besides, I felt responsible.
- Pop Cammeron: Rusty tried to tell me how lovely you were, but unfortunately, he's not a poet.
- Lucia Corlane: Thank you, Mr. Cammeron, you're very sweet.
- Pop Cammeron: You must visit our store more often; I never realized how attractive it was until I saw you standing there. Well, goodbye for now, Miss Corlane.
- Lucia Corlane: Goodbye.