- Terence Aloysius 'Slip' Mahoney: [regarding Sach] Followin' his nose might be a good suggestion, but I'm sure there's a shorter way.
- Terence Aloysius 'Slip' Mahoney: Fellas, you are now students of the inferior arts, and you've just passed through portfolios of our cave of learning. Now, first class is Algebra.
- Horace Debussy 'Sach' Jones, a.k.a. Hurricane Jones: Algebra? Boy, I always wanted to go dhere. When do we leave?
- Terence Aloysius 'Slip' Mahoney: Not Algers, ALGEBRA!
- Butch: Algebra? What's that?
- Terence Aloysius 'Slip' Mahoney: Well, it's a concentrated form of mathematics.
- Junior: Well, what's mathematics?
- Terence Aloysius 'Slip' Mahoney: Mathematics? That's arithmatic the hard way.
- Chuck: Why didn't you say so in the first place?
- Terence Aloysius 'Slip' Mahoney: I did say so in the first place.
- Horace Debussy 'Sach' Jones, a.k.a. Hurricane Jones: Where were YOU in the first place?
- Terence Aloysius 'Slip' Mahoney: Good mornin', fellow students and girls of the opposite sex. You're now purusin' the college's future aluminum.
- Harold Lane: You mean "alumni."
- Terence Aloysius 'Slip' Mahoney: I was conjugatin' the voib.
- Terence Aloysius 'Slip' Mahoney: [in the locker room after their first football practice] Sach, do you mind if I take another look at your puss just to make sure it's you?
- Terence Aloysius 'Slip' Mahoney: Certainly not. Go ahead.
- Terence Aloysius 'Slip' Mahoney: All I gotta say is: that gargantuan display you gave on the field today concludes one of the most startlin' series of ambiguosities I've ever witnessed.
- Terence Aloysius 'Slip' Mahoney: And all the time I thought I was playin' football.
- Horace Debussy 'Sach' Jones, a.k.a. Hurricane Jones: Someday I'm gonna turn you into a mechanical rabbit!
- [the two alums offer a thousand dollars for the boys to attend their alma mater]
- Terence Aloysius 'Slip' Mahoney: How long to we have to go to this college for this g-note?
- A.J. Billingsley: A semester.
- Terence Aloysius 'Slip' Mahoney: A siesta? Ya mean we gotta sleep t'rough it?
- A.J. Billingsley: Not a siesta, a semester. Six. months.
- Horace Debussy 'Sach' Jones, a.k.a. Hurricane Jones: Six. months? That's a sentence. Be careful, Chief, I think they're cops.
- Terence Aloysius 'Slip' Mahoney: Don't worry. I'll get ya time off for good behavior.
- Horace Debussy 'Sach' Jones, a.k.a. Hurricane Jones: Thanks.
- Coach Rowland: Okay, Mahoney, it's your show. Good luck.
- Terence Aloysius 'Slip' Mahoney: Thanks. You'll never live to regret your incision.
- Terence Aloysius 'Slip' Mahoney: Well, I don't wish to sound deleterious, but what's your angle?
- A.J. Billingsley: Angle?
- Chuck: Yeah, yeah, the pitch.
- Junior: The gimmick.
- Butch: The curve.
- Horace Debussy 'Sach' Jones, a.k.a. Hurricane Jones: In plain English, what cooks?
- [the boys ask to be fed]
- Louie Dumbrowsky: Yeah, I'll give you something to eat. Eat your I.O.U.s. Now, go. Go. Leave me alone. Go. Go on. Go. Go.
- Terence Aloysius 'Slip' Mahoney: Calm down, Louie. That's how people get septic ulcers.
- Terence Aloysius 'Slip' Mahoney: [if] That thing had a handle on it, I could have handled it a little more handily.