The Lavender Hill Mob (1951)

Alfie Bass: Shorty

Photos 

Quotes 

• Pendlebury : [replying to Shorty's statement that he and Lackery will wait for Holland and Pendlebury to return from France with their shares of the proceeds]  You mean you both trust us?

  Shorty : Oh, come off it, gov. You're as straight a pair of gentlemen as I ever worked for.

  Lackery : Hear hear!

• [Holland enters the yard and sees Lackery wobble past on a bicycle] 

  Henry Holland : You're teaching the wrong man!

  Pendlebury : Well, I had to change him over. Shorty can't ride a bicycle.

  [Lackery falls] 

  Henry Holland : Doesn't look as if he can either.

  Shorty : We're learning him.

  Henry Holland : Why couldn't you learn Shorty?

  Pendlebury : Because Lackery's color-blind.

  Henry Holland : What's that got to do with it?

  Pendlebury : Oh my dear Holland, do use your intelligence! If a policeman were to come along and see a green sunset over a purple sea...

  Henry Holland : All right, all right, spare me the details.

• Shorty : Okay, you're the boss.

  Henry Holland : Yes. Yes, that's right - I am.

• Pendlebury : Now it's all over, I suppose I may dare say it's been a most remarkable coup.

  Shorty : The biggest job of its kind since One-Eyed Dobson got away with the GIs' pay packets. Two million dollars, Grosvenor Square, 'forty-five.

  Henry Holland : That was before devaluation. And this is one million pounds.

  Shorty : Oh, that's right. Blimey. We've got the record!

• Shorty : I didn't like to say so, but I don't really fancy going to Paris meself.

  Henry Holland : Why?

  Shorty : Well a friend of mine, he pinched a couple of tickets for the Test Match, see? I wouldn't half like to see that.

• Lackery : Bellamy's? In Bromley?

  Shorty : That's right. Last June. Twelver.

  Lackery : I was casing that joint the night you got pinched.

  Shorty : Well, what do you know? Shorty Fisher.

  Lackery : Nice to meet you.

  Pendlebury : Excuse me, I may be a bit slow but do I understand that in fact, you two are both professional criminals?

  Shorty : Well, what else do you take us for, rutty snoopers?

  Lackery : What's the setup?