Carry on Screaming! (1966)

Jim Dale: Albert Potter

Photos 

Quotes 

• Constable Slobotham : Happen to know what Doris was wearing?

  Albert : Yes, a sort of white frilly blouse with a dark green jacket and a long green skirt.

  Det Sgt. Bung : Did you get that down?

  Albert : Oh no, as I said, I've only known her for a year.

  Det Sgt. Bung : I was talking to my assistant!

• Det Sgt. Bung : A young lady has disappeared and we're anxious to trace her whereabouts.

  Dr. Watt : Oh? Whereabouts?

  Det Sgt. Bung : Hereabouts.

  Albert : At ten o'clock.

  Det Sgt. Bung : Or thereabouts.

  Constable Slobotham : In this vicinity.

  Det Sgt. Bung : Or roundabouts.

  Constable Slobotham : We're police officers.

  Albert : Or layabouts.

• Det Sgt. Bung : Just a minute, Mr. Potter, where were you last night?

  Albert : In bed.

  Det Sgt. Bung : Any witnesses to corroborate that?

  Albert : My landlady.

  Det Sgt. Bung : Who?

  Albert : She came up with a bottle.

  Det Sgt. Bung : Sounds like a pretty loose-living place you lodge in.

  Albert : She always comes up with a hot water bottle.

  Constable Slobotham : Sarge, it's just possible that he and the landlady are in collusion.

  Albert : [he thinks "collusion" has some sexual connotation.]  Don't be disgusting, she's over 60.

• Det Sgt. Bung : [He thought she was a dummy, then he watches the revived Doris sit up]  I don't believe it!

  [Reaches out to her, like he wants to rap her on shoulder with his fist] 

  Albert : [forcing Bung's hand away]  Don't you dare!

  Det Sgt. Bung : I only wanted to see if she was hard or soft.

• Albert : [after Sgt. Bung said, "There's a house."]  Marvellous! But we're not looking for a house. We're looking for Doris.

  Det Sgt. Bung : I know, but this is right in the middle of the woods. They might have heard or seen something suspicious. We can't afford to leave any stone unturned. What's the name of this road, Slobotham ?

  Constable Slobotham : Avery Avenue.

  Det Sgt. Bung : Then we must explore Avery Avenue !

  [Albert rolls his eyes] 

• Constable Slobotham : [Running into the police lab with Albert]  Here sarge, we've got a lead!

  Albert : This note was pushed through my letterbox

  [reading from the note] 

  Albert : If you want to know what happened to those girls, I can tell you. I am the cloakroom attendant in the One by the Park and you can see me any time, at my convenience.

  [hands the note to Bung] 

  Constable Slobotham : Do you think it's genuine, Sarge?

  Det Sgt. Bung : [Examining the note]  Interesting notepaper - perforated at both ends. Could be - Come on!

• [Albert has just discovered the Mummy of King Rubbatiti] 

  Albert : Oh mummy!

  Det Sgt. Bung : It's only a mummy!

  Albert : A mummy?

  [Points to the mummy] 

  Albert : With a beard?

  Det Sgt. Bung : Well, they didn't just do it to women - men got pickled too!

• Doris Mann : [they are out in the woods, on a late night date; she is scared]  I've got a feeling someone's watching us.

  Albert : [sarcastically]  Well, good luck to him. I've been courting you a year, and there's been nothing worth watching so far.

• Albert : [Slobotham drags a protesting Albert into Sgt. Bung's office]  Take your hands off me! What am I supposed to have done?

  Det Sgt. Bung : [referring to the dummy of Doris, which was stolen.]  Alright, Mr. Potter, all we want to know is -- where is it?

  Albert : Well, lummy, it's your police station -- you ought to know where it is!

• Det Sgt. Bung : [in police station, questioning Albert Potter]  You took this girl out to Hocombe woods. For what purpose, Mr. Potter?

  Albert : Well, we just felt like getting a bit of fresh air and that.

  Constable Slobotham : [taking notes]  What's that?

  Det Sgt. Bung : [to his assistant Slobotham]  Same as the other.

  Det Sgt. Bung : [continues]  Well, Mr. Potter, you took her into the woods. How far did you go?

  Albert : Oh, not very far, cause I've only known her a year.