Carry on Screaming! (1966)

Fenella Fielding: Valeria Watt

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Dr. Watt : Oh this is awful, I wish I was dead.

  Valeria : But Orlando, you are dead.

  Dr. Watt : So I am, what a life.

• Det Sgt. Bung : [visits Valeria in her castle, to warn her]  Whatever it was, that took him, it came this way. I think it was some sort of monster. This came off it.

  Valeria : This ear?

  Det Sgt. Bung : Yes, that there.

• Det Sgt. Bung : I have come here, Miss, to perform a duty!

  Valeria : Well, get on with it! I haven't got all night, you know.

• Valeria : [after unexpectedly kissing Det. Sergeant Bung]  Forgive me, I just HAD to do that!

  Det Sgt. Bung : That's all right, Miss. We are here to be of service to the public.

• Dr. Watt : What time is it?

  Valeria : [Looks at her wristwatch]  Just past December.

  Dr. Watt : I told you not to wake me up 'til the beginning of March!

• Valeria : Why don't we do what they did to your friend Dracula, drive a spike through his heart?

  Dr. Watt : No, I don't really feel like driving tonight.

• Dr. Watt : [as a body is lowered into the boiling vitrification cauldron, enthusiastically]  Oh, well, here goes... !

  Valeria : [pleading]  Oh, please, Orlando. Please, please don't say it.

  Dr. Watt : [acting innocent]  Say what, dear?

  Valeria : [chiding]  You know perfectly well what. What you always say at this time. It's in extremely bad taste.

  Dr. Watt : What is? Oh, you mean: FRYING TONIGHT!

  Valeria : [winces]  Ooh.

• Valeria : [a female body, which has undergone vitrification, is lying in a crate, with the lid ready to be put on it.]  Like this, she'll stay young and beautiful forever.

  Dr. Watt : Yes. But not half so much fun.

  Valeria : [double meaning]  Put a lid on it.

• Det Sgt. Bung : [to Valeria]  I've been thinking about you all day... everything I see reminds me of you. I look at my two inkwells and I see your lovely eyes. A letterbox and I saw your lips. In the street, there was a little boy playing...

  Det Sgt. Bung : [looking at her bosom]  ... with two balloons.

  Valeria : [cutting him short]  Oh, yes, well, I think that's quite enough of that sort of talk.

• Valeria : [they are sitting on a couch together]  Yes, but I don't think you're very experienced in the ways of love.

  Det Sgt. Bung : If you want to know the way, ask a policeman.

  Valeria : I find you very fascinating, Sidney. Would you show me your whistle?

  Det Sgt. Bung : Of course, Miss.

  [he whips out his whistle] 

  Valeria : I think it's a beautiful one. May I blow it?

  [Sgt. Bung enthusiastically nods his head "yes"] 

• Dr. Watt : [Valeria slipped some of the prescription that Dr. Jekyll made up, into Sgt. Bung's drink. Sgt. Bung turns into a Mr. Hyde character.]  Oh, he looks absolutely lovely.

  Valeria : [Sgt. Bung amorously grabs Valeria]  Sidney, Sidney. Sidney, listen to me.

  Dr. Watt : [excited by how beastly Sgt. Bung has become]  Oh, I must have a noggin of that meself.

  Valeria : [Sgt. Bung has grabbed her, and won't let go.]  Stop it, Sidney! Stop it. Sidney!

  Dr. Watt : [smiling]  No, don't stop him, dear. He's supposed to do thoroughly beastly things.

  Valeria : [firmly, trying to control him.]  Listen to me. I am your MISTRESS.

  Dr. Watt : [grinning from ear to ear]  Don't say THAT, dear! It'll only make him worse.

  Valeria : [trying to control Sgt. Bung]  You must obey my commands. You hear me? You must obey me. All right.

  Valeria : [Sgt. Bung lets go of her]  Now, there's something I want you to do for me.

  Valeria : [as Sgt. Bung grabs her and tries to kiss her]  No, not THAT!

• Valeria : Junior has brought one back. We must vitrify her immediately.

  Dr. Watt : [looking at the heavyset body of Emily Bung, on the slab]  Is this the best you could do? What am I expected to do with this? It's a load of old rubbish.

  Valeria : [being practical]  I can sell it to Lacey's. They deal exclusively with fittings for the matronly figure.

  Dr. Watt : [disparaging]  Well, they'll have a FIT when they see this one!