Lord Love a Duck (1966)

Tuesday Weld: Barbara Ann Greene

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Quotes 

• Barbara Ann : Everybody has got to love me. Everybody. This is my year. My horoscope says I'm going to be famous. I'm a Capricorn and I can't miss. I deserve it, too. I've been very good. I haven't done bad things with boys. Well, a little. But not really bad. And only if I liked a boy.

• Bob Barnard : [Forbidding her to take a screen test]  Just listen, Barbara Ann: you promised to love, honor and obey me!

  Barbara Ann : Listen, I may have been a little hysterical at the ceremony, but I never said anything as *dumb* as that!

• Stella Bernard : You lied to me, Miss Greene. You permitted me to believe your father was dead.

  Barbara Ann : Well, they're divorced.

  Stella Bernard : In our family we don't divorce our men; we *bury* 'em!

• Stella Bernard : My son is a dear boy. He's also a *total* idiot. He takes after his late father.

  Barbara Ann : Oh, yes, he told me. He was a psychiatrist?

  Stella Bernard : Yes, but with a gimmick. He was the first head-shrinker in Beverly Hills to validate parking tickets... You can't imagine what a simple thing like that can mean business-wise.

• Stella Bernard : I buried my husband ten years ago. He died at home, yeah. Right there - right on that spot you're sitting on.

  Stella Bernard : [Barbara Ann looks a little uncomfortable]  Oh, I'm telling you, one minute he's sitting there, Robbie and I are coloring my hair at the time, next minute he's gone.

  Barbara Ann : Oh, how awful! How did he die?

  Stella Bernard : All psychosomatic. Absolutely *nothing* wrong with him physically. Case of death wish, pure and simple. Everything, Miss Greene, *everything* - it's in the mind. You decide to die, then you do it, pfft! That's all there is to it.

• Barbara Ann : What do you want from me? I'll be a cocktail waitress, like Marie... Oh, the hell I will. I'll do something else. I'll... I'll be a prostitute, that's what I'll be. You get to pick your customers. And you get paid for it. That sounds like a lot of fun, doesn't it? I'll be a prostitute.

  Alan : [soberly]  Barbara Ann...

  Barbara Ann : Yes?

  Alan : There's been an accident... There has been an accident.

• Barbara Ann : You want to play a game? Come on, we're going to play undress in front of mommy's house.

  Howard Greene : No, what are you doing?

  Barbara Ann : It's a lot of fun.

• Barbara Ann : Do you know I get chills up my spine every time I hear your voice over the loudspeaker?