Carry on Up the Khyber (1968)
Roy Castle: Capt. Keene
Photos
Quotes
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Captain Keene : Fire at will!
Brother Belcher : Poor old Will, why do they always fire at him?
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Brother Belcher : I've never ridden in a cart pulled by cows before.
Captain Keene : Bullocks, Mr Belcher!
Brother Belcher : No, I haven't, honestly.
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Captain Keene : [news of the native revolt arrives] What do you intend to do, sir?
Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond : Do? Do? We're British. We won't do anything...
Major Shorthouse : ...until it's too late.
Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond : Exactly. That's the first sensible thing you've said all day.
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Captain Keene : We need that rope of yours to get over the wall.
The Fakir : I'm sorry, it won't work. Not without the magic words.
Sergeant-Major MacNutt : Come on, you'll be well paid.
The Fakir : Those are the magic words! Help me off this thing!
[Keene and McNutt lift the Fakir off, to reveal empty space]
Sergeant-Major MacNutt : What thing?
The Fakir : Oh look - I've had a touch of the levitations!
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Private Jimmy Widdle : It was on guard duty up the pass, when this huge Burpa suddenly appeared in front of me and pulled it out.
Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond : Pulled what out?
Private Jimmy Widdle : His um... sword thing.
Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond : Oh. Go on then.
Private Jimmy Widdle : Well, sir, the next thing I remember is coming to, lying on the ground... and they were off.
Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond : They were? Blimey, that's rough.
Captain Keene : He means his underpants were off, sir.
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[the British outpost at the Khyber Pass has been attacked]
Lady Joan Ruff-Diamond : Oh! How awful! What can have happened ?
Captain Keene : I don't like making guesses, but I wouldn't be surprised if there hadn't been a spot of foul play here.
Missionary : Foul play? Look at them! Lying around like a lot of unwanted cocktail snacks!
Private Jimmy Widdle : Ginger!
Missionary : Who is?
Private Jimmy Widdle : He is. Ginger, my mate.
Sergeant-Major MacNutt : Private Hale ?
Private Jimmy Widdle : Yes, Ginger Hale. Hello, Ginge. It's me, Jimmy. Your old mate, Jimmy Widdle.
Private Ginger Hale : Jimmy? Is it you? My old mate?
Private Jimmy Widdle : Ginge, mate! How do you feel?
Private Ginger Hale : Oh, not so good. I think I've been wounded.
Private Jimmy Widdle : Only here and there.
Private Ginger Hale : Jimmy, I can trust you. Now, give it to me straight. Am I going to be all right?
Private Jimmy Widdle : Of course not, Ginge mate.
Private Ginger Hale : Eh?
Private Jimmy Widdle : I said, "Of course not, Ginge mate."
Private Ginger Hale : I'm not going to be all right?
Private Jimmy Widdle : Well, how could you be, with half a dozen dirty great holes in you? You've had it.
Private Ginger Hale : You're a bleeding fine mate, I must say.
Private Jimmy Widdle : What do you mean? You asked me to give it to you straight.
Private Ginger Hale : Yeah, but I didn't mean you to. You horrible little runt, you!
Sergeant-Major MacNutt : That's enough! Widdle, you're a great little comfort to a dying man, aren't you? Now listen, Hale, it's Sergeant-Major MacNutt. What happened, lad?
Private Ginger Hale : They attacked about a half-hour ago, Sir. Hundreds of them.
[He belches]
Private Ginger Hale : Burpas! They... they... oooh!
[Hale faints. Sergeant-Major MacNutt shakes his head sadly]
Private Jimmy Widdle : Oh, no! Ginge! Ginge, mate! I'm sorry, I... Poor old mate!
[Widdle gently covers Hale's body with a greatcoat. Hale throws it off]
Private Ginger Hale : That's right! Bleeding well suffocate me!
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[Sergeant-Major MacNutt has knocked Captain Keene to the floor with the spear lodged in his back]
Captain Keene : Sergeant-Major, report to the surgeon and get that thing taken out!
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Captain Keene : Then I was going to say keep a stiff upper lip.
Missionary : Well I'm not standing around here waiting for mine to stiffen!
