Carry on Up the Khyber (1968)

Sidney James: Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond

Photos 

Quotes 

• The Khasi of Kalabar : May the benevolence of the god Shivoo bring blessings on your house.

  Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond : And on yours.

  The Khasi of Kalabar : And may his wisdom bring success in all your undertakings.

  Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond : And in yours.

  The Khasi of Kalabar : And may his radiance light up your life.

  Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond : And up yours.

• Captain Keene : [news of the native revolt arrives]  What do you intend to do, sir?

  Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond : Do? Do? We're British. We won't do anything...

  Major Shorthouse : ...until it's too late.

  Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond : Exactly. That's the first sensible thing you've said all day.

• Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond : Tell Major Shorthouse to call me an elephant.

  Lady Joan Ruff-Diamond : He needn't bother I'll do it. You're an elephant!

• Lady Joan Ruff-Diamond : [watching polo game]  Ooh, I say! He did not 'alf crack that one, did he not?

  Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond : Dearest, if you can't express yourself in more elegant terms, kindly shut your cakehole

• Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond : [Watching a game of Polo in India, 1895]  Good shot! Well done, Philip! He'll do well, that boy, if he marries well...

• Sergeant-Major MacNutt : [on the subject of underwear]  I am wearing them for sentimental reasons, sir. They were hand knitted by me mother.

  Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond : I don't care if they were hand-embroidered by your father!

  Sergeant-Major MacNutt : Well he did do the flowers.

  Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond : Flowers!

• Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond : He'd like to massacre me and every other Britisher in India.

  Lady Joan Ruff-Diamond : Well, then, what do you keep smiling at him like that for?

  Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond : Because as a top-rank British diplomatist, I'm as two-faced as he is.

• Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond : This revolt will have to be suppressed with the utmost tact and diplomacy. We'll string up half a dozen of 'em for a start.

• Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond : I wouldn't trust him an inch.

  Lady Joan Ruff-Diamond : Ooh, neither would I.

  Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond : I didn't mean that.

• Private Jimmy Widdle : It was on guard duty up the pass, when this huge Burpa suddenly appeared in front of me and pulled it out.

  Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond : Pulled what out?

  Private Jimmy Widdle : His um... sword thing.

  Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond : Oh. Go on then.

  Private Jimmy Widdle : Well, sir, the next thing I remember is coming to, lying on the ground... and they were off.

  Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond : They were? Blimey, that's rough.

  Captain Keene : He means his underpants were off, sir.

• Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond : We used to know a missionary fella when we were in the Solomon Islands. Do you remember, dear?

  Lady Joan Ruff-Diamond : Oh, yes, a splendid man. He went down very well with the natives.

  Missionary : Did he?

  Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond : Yeah, they ate him.

• The Khasi of Kalabar : As a mark of my deep respect for Your Excellency's person, I have come to offer you and your people safe conduct out of Kalabar.

  Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond : A very magnanimous gesture. And er... if I do not wish to leave?

  The Khasi of Kalabar : Then, Your Excellency, I shall be forced, most reluctantly, to burn the residency to the ground and kill everyone in it.

  Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond : Is that all?

• Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond : I've got something very important to do.

  Lady Joan Ruff-Diamond : What?

  Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond : I've got to go to the Khasi.

  Lady Joan Ruff-Diamond : Well you should have gone before Tiffin you know it's very bad for...

  Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond : The Khasi of Kalabar.