There's a Girl in My Soup (1970)
Peter Sellers: Robert Danvers
Photos
Quotes
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Marion : Are you trying to get me tight?
Robert Danvers : You're frightening enough sober.
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Wedding Guest in Blue Dress : It's such a joy to see someone with breeding on the television, instead, of those young savages with their banjos.
Robert Danvers : Quite.
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Freddie, Wedding Guest : Tell me, do you have a proper job? I mean, when you're not doing this television stuff?
Robert Danvers : I perform abortions. Didn't you know? Excuse me.
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Willie the Bridegroom : I must say, she's looking absolutely, eh...
Robert Danvers : Yes, yes.
Willie the Bridegroom : Yes. Yes. I mean, she's really quite, um...
Robert Danvers : She is.
Willie the Bridegroom : She is. Yes. What is the word? How would one put it?
Robert Danvers : Lovely.
Willie the Bridegroom : Yes! Yes, that's it. Lovely.
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Robert Danvers : [on the television in Robert's bedroom, while he's in bed with Julia Halforde-Smythe] So, having set ones taste buds bursting, we come to the main dish. A sort of shish kabob or skewered lamb. These are meticulously selected cuts impaled
[demonstrating with his fingers]
Robert Danvers : with onions and garlic flavor and turned over and over a bare flame until the meat sizzles and the juice is run out. For pudding or sweets or afters, I prefer the word pudding, myself, the banana surprise was - a masterpiece.
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Robert Danvers : You look stunning today, Clare. Immaculate. Like virgin snow.
Clare, the bride : Do I?
Robert Danvers : My God but you're lovely.
[leans down to kiss Clare's neck]
Clare, the bride : No, Robert.
Robert Danvers : We had six glorious months. This is our last time.
Clare, the bride : No. That's out.
Robert Danvers : Isn't it better to end with a bang than a whimper?
Clare, the bride : Someone may come in.
Robert Danvers : I locked the door.
Clare, the bride : You only want me for one thing.
Robert Danvers : What a lovely thing.
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Julia Halforde-Smythe : Ahhh, Lady Heather was right. You are a rotter.
Robert Danvers : [kissing his way up her bare belly] You have a delicious flavor.
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Clare, the bride : [knock at the door, while she's in bed with her former lover] Who is it?
Lady Heather : [from the hallway] Do you need any help darling?
Clare, the bride : No, Mommy, I can manage.
Lady Heather : Well, don't forget the plane. Will you be long?
Robert Danvers : [whispers to Clare] Tell her five minutes.
Clare, the bride : [whispers back] My God, at least make it ten!
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Julia Halforde-Smythe : [in bed] Mmm, ahhh. You're wonderful.
Robert Danvers : I know I am.
Julia Halforde-Smythe : But, please, no more.
Robert Danvers : My God, but you're lovely.
[continues]
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Robert Danvers : What would you like to drink?
Marion : What have you got?
Robert Danvers : Well, there's Sherry, Brandy, Whiskey, Scotch and Rye, Kirs, Dubonnet, Campari, Slivovitz, Port, Vodka, Ouzo, Saki. Or, we could even be devils and split a bottle of the old champagne wine.
Marion : Got any beer?
Robert Danvers : There's some rubbing alcohol in the medicine cabinet, if you care for that.
Marion : Scotch.
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Andrew : Who is this?
Robert Danvers : Can't you look at a girl without lathering up?
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Marion : [from Robert's bathroom] Hey, what are you, a weirdo or something?
Robert Danvers : Why do you ask?
Marion : All these mirrors.
Robert Danvers : It amuses me.
Marion : What's so amusing about staring at yourself on the throne?
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Robert Danvers : If I made a pass at you now, what would your reaction be?
Marion : Oh, well, you want the results. before you place the bet! What do you reckon the odds are?
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Marion : You didn't bring me here to look at me.
Robert Danvers : I was under the impression that you brought me.
Marion : Oh, wow. Next, you'll be shouting rape.
Robert Danvers : Oh, if you like, yes.
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Robert Danvers : Look, may I ask you a question without getting a question in reply?
Marion : It depends.
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Marion : There's always a bit of yak about sex before the pass to get you in the mood.
Robert Danvers : To get who in the mood?
Marion : The girl. You're already in it.
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Robert Danvers : Why do you always answer a question with another question?
Marion : Why do you?
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Robert Danvers : Why did you say just now that you wanted to keep one up on me a bit longer?
Marion : Supply and demand, I suppose. I'm in demand and until I supply, I'm one up.
Robert Danvers : And a bit longer?
Marion : Well, the final result is never much in doubt, is it?
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Robert Danvers : Look, that's enough. You are most arrogant young idiot I've ever laid my eyes on. What's left of them. You imagine that if a woman even looks at you, it must be love. And that any man over 40, eh 34, I mean, 35, must be repellent.
Jimmy : Well let's face it, chicks don't go out with old geezers like you for their lovely profiles, do they?
Robert Danvers : I can beat you to any woman.
Jimmy : You what?
Robert Danvers : Yes. Any woman, any place, any time!
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Robert Danvers : You can hardly expect her to enjoy sharing you.
Jimmy : Why not? Most of the blokes I know are havin' it off with birds all over the place.
Robert Danvers : Well...
Jimmy : Well, I just want to get mine under the same roof. Save me self a bloody fortune, mate.
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Jimmy : Will you listen to me? Oh, Christ, my head.
Marion : I hope your head breaks open and all your brains spill out all over the place and you tread on them and fall over.
[slams the door]
Robert Danvers : Gruesome turn of phrase, hasn't she?
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Robert Danvers : One last word of advice, young lady. You're 19 and what is commonly called a push-over. Now then, had it been anyone else but me last night...
Marion : I know.
Robert Danvers : If you continue like this, by the time you're 21, you're going to - well, you're too lovely to go throwing yourself at any man to - let them take advantage of you.
[Marion giggles]
Robert Danvers : What's so funny?
Marion : Just the words you use: "take advantage".
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Robert Danvers : What is so offense about her being with me?
Jimmy : Well me. Don't you think you ought to know better at your age?
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Robert Danvers : My God, but you are lovely.
Marion : Oh, my God, but you're corny.
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Jimmy : What about women, eh? Just cause I'm moving Caroline in, she starts screaming blue murder.
Robert Danvers : Well, that's only natural, isn't it?
Jimmy : Natural? Why? Caroline'd be company for her. Cut the 'ousework in 'alf. They'd be laughin'. No, it's too reasonable. Friggin' women. I tell you, if I didn't fancy them so much, I reckon I'd change sides.
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Robert Danvers : [at a French wine tasting] You don't swallow it. You spit it out.
Marion : Why waste it?
Robert Danvers : Then you can judge the next.
Marion : Who wants my opinion?
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Robert Danvers : Where did you learn to make love? In a laboratory?
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Reporter #2 : Where did you both meet?
Robert Danvers : At breakfast.
Reporter #3 : Where?
Marion : At a Turkish bath.
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Robert Danvers : Now what? How very romantic you are. I ought to bloody well put you across my knee.
Marion : Okay, come on! Come on.
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Floor Waiter : Monsieur. Madame. And we all 'ope you'll have a penis - all your life.
Robert Danvers : [waiter leaves, Marion gives Robert a puzzled look] They hope that you will have - *happiness* - all of your life.
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Robert Danvers : Why must you go back to that - psychedelic zombie?