The Twelve Chairs (1970)

Mel Brooks: Tikon

Photos 

Quotes 

• Tikon : [remembering his former master Vorobyaninov]  I loved him... he hardly ever beat us!

• Ostap Bender : Listen, tell me. Tell me. Who lived here in the old days?

  Tikon : Oh, in the old days was my master: Ippolit Matveyevich Vorobyaninov. He was a Marshal of the nobility. I loved him. He hardly ever beat us.

  Ostap Bender : Ah, and whatever became of your "lovable master"?

  Tikon : One night about ten years ago was a fearful noise. It was bombs and cannons and soldiers shooting. It was terrible, terrible!

  Ostap Bender : Oh, yes, I think it was called "The Revolution".

  Tikon : That was it: The Revolution... You're smart! You're smart and you're gorgeous. You're okay. Anyways... they all run away.

  Ostap Bender : Well, come on, old boy. Let us see how drunk two Russians can get on one ruble.

  Tikon : I like that: two Russians, one ruble!

• Ostap Bender : Tell me... eh, what goes on in this great house?

  Tikon : Mostly dying.

• Tikon : It's an old-age home for wery old ladies. They tippy-toe in, they have a little bowl of porridge and...

  [he blows a raspberry] 

  Tikon : that's it.

• Tikon : [Ostap has just addressed him as "comrade"]  Comrade! Comrade! Everybody calls me comrade! Everybody in the new Soviet Union is a comrade! People you don't know, strangers, everybody says comrade! Oh, I miss Russia!

• Tikon : [to Ostap Bender]  You're smart and you're gorgeous. You're okay!