Sleeper (1973)

Diane Keaton: Luna Schlosser

Photos 

Quotes 

• Luna Schlosser : It's hard to believe that you haven't had sex for 200 years.

  Miles Monroe : 204, if you count my marriage.

• [last lines] 

  Luna Schlosser : Oh, I see. You don't believe in science, and you also don't believe that political systems work, and you don't believe in God, huh?

  Miles Monroe : Right.

  Luna Schlosser : So then, what do you believe in?

  Miles Monroe : Sex and death - two things that come once in a lifetime... but at least after death, you're not nauseous.

• Luna Schlosser : What's it feel like to be dead for 200 years?

  Miles Monroe : Like spending a weekend in Beverly Hills.

• Luna Schlosser : Miles, did you ever realize that "God" spelled backwards is "Dog"?

  Miles Monroe : Yeah. So?

  Luna Schlosser : It makes you think.

  Miles Monroe : Yeah. You want to push the car, please. Push the car, will ya.

• Luna Schlosser : "Regis - register commies, not guns." What's that mean?

  Miles Monroe : What?

  Luna Schlosser : "Register commies, not guns."

  Miles Monroe : Oh, he was probably a member of the National Rifle Association. There was a group that helped criminals get guns so they could shoot citizens. It was a public service.

• Luna Schlosser : Oh, that was wonderful. I feel so refreshed! I think we should have had sex, but there weren't enough people.

  Herald Cohen : We'll use the Orgasmatron!

  Luna Schlosser : That's a good idea.

  Herald Cohen : Come on!

• Luna Schlosser : Sex is different today. You see, we don't have any problems. Everybody's frigid.

  Miles Monroe : Oh, that's incredible. So are the men are impotent?

  Luna Schlosser : Yeah, most of them, except for the ones whose ancestors are Italian.

  Miles Monroe : Alright, I knew there was something in that pasta.

• Luna Schlosser : Do you want to perform sex with me?

  Miles Monroe : Perform sex? Uh, uh, I don't think I'm up to a performance, but I'll rehearse with you, if you like.

  Luna Schlosser : Okay. I just thought you might want to; they have a machine here.

  Miles Monroe : Machine? I'm not getting into that thing. I, I'm strictly a hand operator; you know, I, I... I don't like anything with moving parts that are not my own.

• Luna Schlosser : Men go crazy over for me. I'm great physically. I got a Ph.D. in oral sex.

  Miles Monroe : Yeah, they make you take any Spanish with that?

  Luna Schlosser : What?

  Miles Monroe : Well, I don't know. I was an English major, myself. You know, Chaucer, Pope, I minored in foreplay. It's a two credit course at NYU.

• Luna : You're biting my nails.

  Miles Monroe : It's because you're tense.

• Miles : You're a sucker. What you didn't realize is that you're dealing with one of the greatest minds you've ever seen.

  Luna : Yeah, and his isn't so bad either!

• Luna Schlosser : Please! I wanna go home! I'm getting a headache! I'm hungry! I haven't had a stress pill! I haven't had a bath in seven hours! I'm telling you, I'm not accustomed to this. I need my orb! I want to relax. Look at me! Look at me. I'm shaking!

  Miles Monroe : Gee, you know you'd be great to take on a camping trip.

• Miles Monroe : You remind me of Lisa Sorenson

  Luna Schlosser : Who?

  Miles Monroe : An old girlfriend from the village. A Trotskyite, who became a Jesus freak, and was arrested for selling pornographic connect-the-dot books.

• Luna Schlosser : You have to give yourself up! They won't hurt you. They'll re-structure your brain.

  Miles Monroe : Hey, nobody touches my brain; they may drop it. Then I'll talk like Mr. Lepidus who got hit by lightning.

• Luna : Miles, I wrote a song about the revolution.

  Miles Monroe : There's not going to be any revolution, unless we stop the Aries Project.

  Luna : Don't you worry about that; you just relax. Now, listen:

  [Plays guitar and sings] 

  Luna : Rebels are we! Born to be free! Just like the fish in the sea!

  [Note: the rebels in Bananas, which Woody Allen had made two years earlier, sing the same song] 

• Luna Schlosser : Miles, Erno's going to lead the revolution and head the new government.

  Miles Monroe : Look, don't you understand? In six months we'll be stealing Erno's nose. Political solutions don't work. I told you that. It doesn't matter who's up there. They're all terrible.

• Luna Schlosser : [Luna's house party. Herald's arrived, bearing a gift; a Keane-like painting, of some big, doe-eyed, little girl, peering out at the viewer, from behind a pole, and is presenting it to Luna]  Herald, it's wonderful! Oh, you shouldn't have, really!

  Herald Cohen : [Herald's proudly smiling, next to this videos painting]  Ijust thought you'd like it!

  Luna Schlosser : [Luna's staring at it, a very long cigarette holder in one hand, and a look of intenseness is on her face, as she visually studies the painting]  Oh, it's keen! It-it's pure keen! No

  [spreads her hand, as if overcome with a revelation] 

  Luna Schlosser : No, it's greater than keen...

  [dramatic pause] 

  Luna Schlosser : it's 'Cugat'!

• Miles Monroe : I'm a nice person. I have healthy life drives. I'm as good as gold. I don't drink. I don't smoke. I would never force myself sexually on a blind person.

  Luna Schlosser : You're the alien.

  Miles Monroe : Yes. Yes.

• Miles Monroe : Do you believe in God?

  Luna Schlosser : Well, I believe that - that there's somebody out there who watches over us.

  Miles Monroe : Unfortunately, it's the government.

• Miles Monroe : You'd probably feel a lot safer with Mr. White Teeth back there.

  Luna Schlosser : Who?

  Miles Monroe : The Rebel Chieftain with the wall-to-wall muscles on his chest.

  Luna Schlosser : You mean, Erno?

  Miles Monroe : Yeah, Erno. It's a great name, if you happen to be the star of a vampire movie.

  Luna Schlosser : He's brilliant.

  Miles Monroe : Yeah. He couldn't be with us today. He's got to go take his handsome lesson.

• Luna Schlosser : You were screaming out different names in your sleep.

  Miles Monroe : I was having sexual nightmares.

  Luna Schlosser : Who are the A&P Gypsies?

• Luna Schlosser : Herald, I wrote a new poem today.

  Herald Cohen : You didn't?

  Luna Schlosser : Yes, I did: A little boy caught a butterfly, And said to himself, I must try, To understand my life, And help others, Not just mothers, And fathers, But friends, Strangers too, With eyes of blue, And lips full red and round, But the butterfly didn't make a sound, For he had turned into a caterpillar, By and by.

  Herald Cohen : It's deep! You're so obviously influenced by McKuen!

  Luna Schlosser : Oh, Herald, do you really like it?

  Herald Cohen : Only one thing, they change from caterpillars *into* butterflies. Not the other way.

  Luna Schlosser : They do? They do? Damn it! Damn it! Damn it! I always get that wrong!

• Luna Schlosser : [posing as Dr. Timken's Assistant]  I believe it's going to be a - a very difficult kroning job.

  Miles Monroe : Cloning, you idiot. Not, kroning.

  Luna Schlosser : Cloning!

• Luna Schlosser : Miles, I cannot believe! I cannot believe it. We actually did it.

  Miles Monroe : An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, and a nose for a nose. I don't know what the hell that means; but, it sounds brilliant.

• Miles Monroe : Alright, just get your part right. Don't worry about me!

  Luna Schlosser : Well, if we get screwed up, it's because of you!

  Miles Monroe : [mockingly]  "If we get screwed up it's because of you!" "If we get screwed up it's because of you!"

  Luna Schlosser : Oh, you're retarded! You know that? I'm on a mission with Retarded Man.

• Miles Monroe : [jealous]  Can he do this?

  [prances] 

  Luna Schlosser : You're an idiot.

  Miles Monroe : We're going my way.

• Luna Schlosser : I absolutely do not want to hear about it, Herald. This world is so full of wonderful things. What makes people suddenly go berserk and hate everything anyway. I mean, why does there have to be an underground? After all, there's the orb, and there's the telescreen, and there's the Orgasmatron. What more do they want?

  Herald Cohen : It's hard for us to understand the criminal element. We're artists. We respond only to beauty.

• Luna Schlosser : I went the University at a population center.

  Miles Monroe : You went to a University? It's hard to believe. For what?

  Luna Schlosser : Cosmetic Sexual Technique and Poetry.

  Miles Monroe : No kidding? They teach you sexual technique in school?

  Luna Schlosser : You have to know it in case something goes wrong with the machine.

  Miles Monroe : What do you do? Switch to manual?

• Luna Schlosser : You want to get into the machine now?

  Miles Monroe : No! You know, we don't need that. You know, really I'm...

  Luna Schlosser : Really, I think it'd be great if we did, Miles. I wouldn't be frigid.

  Miles Monroe : You won't be frigid with me. I, believe me, nobody ever is. I got the magic fingers. You're gonna be, you know, I swear, I cured more women in frigidity. It's my specialty! Two minutes in bed with me and you'll sell that thing for scrap iron. Really! I've got a lot of fast moves. Really, I swear.

• Miles Monroe : Who are you?

  Luna Schlosser : Who am I? I'm Luna.

  Miles Monroe : Who?

  Luna Schlosser : Luna! Don't you remember? We were outlaws. Aliens! The police captured you, I escaped. I'm with the Underground. Remember! The Western District? Miles! I'm Luna! Luna! Remember! Luna!

  Miles Monroe : Your name is not Luna, is it?

• Miles Monroe : Oh, no. No, please. Don't enter the light. Oh, cover those lights, please. Please. Don't get up. I was just passing through. Oh!

  Luna Schlosser : Erno. Erno, what's happening?

  Erno Windt : Something's gone wrong with the treatment.

  Miles Monroe : Yes, I...

  Erno Windt : His brain is locked somewhere else. He believes he's another person.

  Miles Monroe : No, no, no. I need magic.

  Luna Schlosser : Miles! Miles, Who are you, Miles?

  Miles Monroe : I'm Blanche. Blanche DuBois. It means White Woods.

  Erno Windt : He's like a sleepwalker we can't upset him or it could be fatal.

  Luna Schlosser : What are we going to do?

  Erno Windt : You've read "Streetcar Named Desire." Play along with him.

• Miles Monroe : Try not to appear nervous. Smile. - Peasants.

  Luna Schlosser : Relax. You're shaking like a leaf!

  Miles Monroe : How do you want me to shake?

  Luna Schlosser : Everything's going to be fine.

  Miles Monroe : So, how come you're shaking?

  Luna Schlosser : Because, you're making me nervous.

  Miles Monroe : Don't blame me! - Hello.

  Luna Schlosser : Would you get a grip on yourself.

• Luna Schlosser : You're jealous.

  Miles Monroe : Jealous? Are kidding, honey? With a body like mine, you don't get jealous.

• Luna Schlosser : Certainly, you don't expect me to tie myself down to one man? My love is a free gift to all the Bolshevik brothers.

  Miles Monroe : Do what you want. You're over 21. Little tramp!

  Luna Schlosser : We're *here* on business.

  Miles Monroe : Free love. I created a bohemian monster. Next thing you know, she'll want to have group sex with the robots.

• Luna Schlosser : Erno said to take the north escalator.

  Miles Monroe : I'm running this. Not Erno. We're going my way.

  Luna Schlosser : It's Erno's plan. He knows what he's talking about.

  Miles Monroe : Why does he know what he's talking about? Because he's handsome? So he knows everything?

• Luna Schlosser : [posing as Dr. Timken's Assistant]  Ah, in deed. One moment. A moment. A medical moment.