Rosalie: If you love me so much, how come you beat the hell out of me?
John: Rosalie, I'm gonna tell you the truth for once, okay? You need a good beating every once in a while. All women do. And you especially. Okay?
Ethel Janowski: [after putting her grandmother's body in a laundry bag and dragging it down the hall] Hey Granny, if you stink the worst you have to be first.