The Sunshine Boys (I) (1975)
George Burns: Al Lewis
Photos
Quotes
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Willy Clark : [arguing over changing a line in their sketch] What's wrong with saying "enter" instead of "come in?"
Al Lewis : Because it's different. Do you know why we did this sketch for 43 years, Willy? Because it's good.
Willy Clark : And do you know why we're not doing it anymore? Because we've been doing it for 43 years.
Al Lewis : If we're not doing it anymore, why are we changing it?
Willy Clark : You know what's wrong with you, Lewis? You've been sitting on a New Jersey porch for too long. You're out of touch. From my window here
[opens up window]
Willy Clark : I see everything that's going on in the world. Look! I see old people, I see young people, nice people, bad people. I see hold-ups! I see drug addicts! Ambulances! Car crashes! Jumpers from buildings! I see everything! You see... a lawn mower... and the milkman.
Al Lewis : That's why you want to say "enter" instead of "come in?"
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Willy Clark : Oh, you a funny man, Al, a pain in the ass but a funny man.
Al Lewis : You know what your trouble is, Willy? You always took the jokes too seriously. It was just jokes. We did comedy on the stage for 43 years. I don't think you enjoyed it once.
Willy Clark : If I was there to enjoy it, I would buy a ticket.
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Al Lewis : [on the phone] Doris, I want you to pick me up now. I don't want to discuss it. Pick me up. He pulled a knife on me - a kitchen knife! It was still dirty from breakfast!
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Al Lewis : The man yells at me on stage and gets a million laughs. He yells at me off the stage - he gets a heart attack.
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Ben Clark : How do you do, Mr. Lewis. I'm Ben Clark, Willy's nephew.
Al Lewis : [shaking hands] Oh?... oh! Willy's nephew Ben. Sure, hello. How are you?
Ben Clark : Fine, sir.
Al Lewis : Good, good. You're Willy's nephew Ben. How are you?
Ben Clark : Fine, sir, very good. It was nice of you to see me.
Al Lewis : Really? When was that?
Ben Clark : [after a pause] Today...
[laughing nervously]
Ben Clark : Heh, heh, it was nice of you to see me today.
Al Lewis : Certainly. Today is fine. As a matter of fact, I was expecting you today.
Mrs. Doris Green, Al's Daughter : Please sit down, Mr. Clark.
Al Lewis : Why doesn't he sit down?
Ben Clark : [sitting down] Thank you very much.
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Willy Clark : Then why did you send me the candy and flowers? Because you had something on your conscience and that's why you couldn't sleep at night. That's why you came with your hat in your hand, to apologize, only this time, I'm not going to accept your apology. How do you like that?
Al Lewis : For this I paid a dollar toll on the bridge.
Willy Clark : I'll pay for it... because I'm happy now. I got what I want.
Al Lewis : What did you get? You got no apology from me which you didn't accept.
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Willy Clark : To me, you look tired... a little troubled... like a person with something on their conscience. What do I know?
Al Lewis : I got nothing on my conscience.
Willy Clark : Are you sure you looked good?
Al Lewis : I got nothing on my conscience. I'm just sorry you got sick.
Willy Clark : Thank you. I accept your apology.
Al Lewis : What apology? Who apologized?
Willy Clark : You don't apologize for making me sick?
Al Lewis : I never made you sick. You made you sick. You yelled and screamed and carried on like a lunatic until you got yourself sick, and for that, I'm sorry.
Willy Clark : Then why do you come here with your hat in your hand?
Al Lewis : It's a $35 hat. What did you want me to do? Fold it in my pocket?
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Al Lewis : You know what you are? You're a 73-year-old putz.
Willy Clark : At least the putz didn't drive all the way here from New Jersey!
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Al Lewis : Listen, we're not going to stop for every little thing, are we? I don't know how many years I got left. I don't want to spend them rehearsing.
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Willy Clark : I heard your blood didn't circulate.
Al Lewis : Not true. My blood circulates. I'm not saying everywhere, but it circulates.
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Ben Clark : A brown suit?
Al Lewis : A brown suit.
Ben Clark : Is that all?
Al Lewis : That's all. And a blonde.
Ben Clark : You mean a woman?
Al Lewis : You know a blond nurse that's a man? Big. As big as you can find. With a big chest. A 40, a 45. And a nice bottom.
Ben Clark : You - you mean a - a sexy girl with a full round rear end.
Al Lewis : Like this.
[holds his hands out]
Al Lewis : This is too small.
[holds hands closer together]
Al Lewis : And this is too big.
[holds hands far apart]
Al Lewis : Like this.
[brings hands back to their original position]
Al Lewis : Is perfect.
Ben Clark : I know what you mean.
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Al Lewis : You know, I think you went a little crazy in the country.
Al Lewis : You want to stand here and insult me or do you want to rehearse the sketch?
Willy Clark : I would like to do both.
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Willy Clark : You're old fashioned. I'm still new fashioned. I'm still in demand. I'm still hot!
Al Lewis : If this room was on fire, you wouldn't be hot.
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Al Lewis : I got a terrific idea. Instead of working together again, let's *never* work together again.
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Willy Clark : You don't know the first thing that's going on today. Did you ever hear the expression, "That's where it's at!"? Well, *this* is where it's at! And that's where I am!
Al Lewis : I see. Did you ever hear the expression, "You don't know what the hell you're talking about"? It comes right in front of the other expression, "You *never* knew what the hell you were talking about."
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Willy Clark : [during the dress rehearsal sketch] Don't fool around with my nurse! Don't fool around with my nurse! She's a nice girl. She's a Virginian.
Al Lewis : A what?
Willy Clark : A Virginian. That's where she's from.
Al Lewis : Well, she ain't going back, I'll tell you that.
