Carry on England (1976)

Brian Osborne: Gunner Owen

Quotes 

• Capt. S. Melly : You up there! What's your name?

  Bombardier Ready : Ready, sir.

  Capt. S. Melly : Ready? Ready... Willing... Able... This is ridiculous.

  [Ready twitches] 

  Capt. S. Melly : What are you doing?

  Sgt. Maj. Tiger Bloomer : [shouts]  Twitching, Sir!

  Capt. S. Melly : I can see that Sergeant Major, but why is he twitching?

  Bombardier Ready : It's me nerves, Sir!

  Capt. S. Melly : Trying to twitch your ticket, eh? Well, it won't work, Bombardier. You're in the army for the duration. Twitch your way out of that!

  [Bombardier Ready keeps twitching] 

  Sgt. Maj. Tiger Bloomer : Twitch off!

  [Leans closer] 

  Sgt. Maj. Tiger Bloomer : Wasted on me, boy!

  Capt. S. Melly : Good man, and what's your name?

  Gunner Shorthouse : Gunner Shorthouse.

  [Melly reacts] 

  Gunner Shorthouse : Gunner Shorthouse, Sir, that's my name!

  [Melly moves along the line] 

  Capt. S. Melly : And what is your name, my man? Er... woman.

  Pvt. Ffoukes Sharpe : Jennifer Ffoukes Sharpe, Sir, the Sharpe with an E and two F's in the Ffoukes. How do you do?

  [Pvt Ffoukes crushes Capt S. Melly's hand while shaking it] 

  Sgt. Maj. Tiger Bloomer : [Leaning in]  She too is also a ball squeezer, Sir.

  Capt. S. Melly : Do your shoelace up and look sharp about it, Sharpe.

  [She does so. before grabbing Sgt Maj Bloomer's leg and biting it] 

  Pvt. Ffoukes Sharpe : [Standing up]  Oh, Tiger! I think you wonderful. When are you going to savage me?

  Sgt. Maj. Tiger Bloomer : If only you was a man I would sort you out!

  Capt. S. Melly : [Pointing to Pvt. Owen's foot]  Well, you seem to have put your foot in it!

  Gunner Owen : Not so much my foot, Sir, more my big toe.

  Capt. S. Melly : What's wrong with your big toe?

  Gunner Owen : Sprained it, Sir, didn't I, when I fell out of bed.

  Sgt. Maj. Tiger Bloomer : [shouts]  Pushed out of bed, more like!

  Capt. S. Melly : [Turns to Bloomer]  Pushed out of bed, Sgt Maj?