The Ritz (1976)

F. Murray Abraham: Chris

Photos 

Quotes 

• Gaetano Proclo : Listen, there's something I have to tell you...

  Chris : You're not gay?

  Gaetano Proclo : [relieved]  No!

  Chris : What, are you a social worker or something?

  Gaetano Proclo : No, but I didn't know that everyone in here was...

  Chris : GAY! See? It's not a bad word. You might try using it sometime.

  Gaetano Proclo : You mean to tell me that everyone in here is gay?

  Chris : God, I hope so. Otherwise I just paid ten dollars to walk around in a towel in front of a bunch of Shriners.

• Chris : I can't whistle.

  Carmine Vespucci : Goddamn it, you can't whistle either? I thought all dicks could whistle.

  Chris : Just "Stormy Weather."

• Chris : Margaret Dumont! I thought you were dead!

  Muscle Bound Patron : There's a reason people like me don't ride the subway. I'm looking right at him.

  Chris : Is that supposed to mean me? Screw you, honey. You can die with your secret, piss-elegant fairy! If there's anything I can't stand, it's a queen without a sense of humor.

• Gaetano Proclo : You're a good man, Abe. I'm gonna have a novena said for you when I get back to Cleveland. What's your last name? Abe what?

  Abe Lefkowitz : Lefkowitz.

  Gaetano Proclo : I'll still have a novena said for you when I get back.

  [Gaetano leaves] 

  Chris : You know, I had a novena said for me once. I asked to wake up gorgeous.

  Abe Lefkowitz : So, what happened?

  Chris : Well, look at me!

• Chris : Screw you, honey. Boy, if there's one thing I can't stand it's a queen without a sense of humor. You can die with your secret... miserable piss-elegant fairy.

• Chris : [to Carmine]  Dumb and dizzy, that's me, darling.

• Chris : There will be an orgy beginning in room 340 in exactly four minutes! Orgy in 340! Four minutes!

• Carmine Vespucci : I need a code name.

  Chris : [excitedly]  Evelyn!

  Carmine Vespucci : No. I don't like Evelyn. It sounds too effiminate.

  Chris : [in a deep voice]  How about Bunny?

  Carmine Vespucci : Bunny's good.

• Gaetano Proclo : [disappointed]  You're not Joe Namath!

  Chris : Well, neither are you.

  Gaetano Proclo : I thought you were Joe Namath.

  Chris : It's the lighting.

  Gaetano Proclo : I was praying you were Joe Namath.

  Chris : I don't blame ya!

  Gaetano Proclo : I mean, you just had to be him.

  Chris : Are you eating your heart out, honey?

• Chris : As strange as it may seem, no one is going to attack you.

  Gaetano Proclo : Someone already has!

  Chris : Eh, beginner's luck.

• Gaetano Proclo : I don't know what I'm doing!

  Chris : Join the club! It's like some strange heterosexual Gypsy curse was put on this place.

• Chris : Into the steamroom, girls.

• Chris : How is that gorgeous son of yours?

  Abe Lefkowitz : You're too late, he's getting married.

  Chris : Oh, hey, that's terrific! You give him my love, will you?

  Abe Lefkowitz : Sure thing.

  Chris : Does he need someone to practice with?

  Abe Lefkowitz : He's been practicing already. That's why he has to get married.

  Chris : Well, compared to me, Abe, she would have to be an amateur.

• Abe Lefkowitz : [Chris signs in under a false name]  Ronald Reagan? Oh, come on, Chris.

  Chris : Oh, you know he used to be lovers with John Wayne.

  Abe Lefkowitz : Sure he did.

  Chris : Right after he broke up with Xavier Cugat.

  Abe Lefkowitz : People like you think the whole world is queer.

  Chris : Well, it's lucky for people like you it is.

• Chris : A gay garbage man?

  Abe Lefkowitz : You never can tell.

  Chris : That's *so* true! I mean, look at me. If you just saw me walking down the street, you'd think I was a queen.

• Gaetano Proclo : Tiger and Duff told Googie I was Carmine Vespucci. Claude thinks I'm Carmine Vespucci. Everybody thinks I'm Carmine Vespucci.

  Chris : Well, who are you?

  Gaetano Proclo : Carmine Vespucci.

  Michael Brick : Are you Mr. Carmine Vespucci, sir?

• Carmine Vespucci : Hey, let me get a look at you. I'm no judge of fruit bait, but you'll do.

  Chris : Oh, let's just cool it, sweetheart. This is not the Meat Rack, huh?

  Carmine Vespucci : You can can the fag act with me.

• Carmine Vespucci : One thing I don't like is a wise guy. The only thing I don't like more is a queer wise guy. I'm calling the shots now, and I'm getting under your bed.

  Chris : Uh, where am I supposed to be?

  Carmine Vespucci : On top of it, stupid.

  Chris : Oh, that sounds fabulous! What then?

  Carmine Vespucci : You know. Do what you have to do.

  Chris : What's that?

  Carmine Vespucci : How should I know? Wiggle your fanny. Shake your towel in his face.

• Chris : I always wondered what you straight guys did together. Oh, now that I know, I'm so glad I'm gay.

• Gaetano Proclo : I can explain everything.

  Googie Gomez : I don't need no explain. You would rather make: hee, hee, hee, poo, poo, poo, ha, ha, ha - with that maricón you got hiding under the bed.

  Chris : [from under the bed]  Two maricóns, Googie.

• Chris : I suppose you're wondering what happened to Bunny. Entered her in the Princess Margaret lookalike contest. First prize is a gay guide to Leningrad.

• [last lines] 

  Chris : Orgy, orgy! They'll be an orgy in 340!