The Ritz (1976)

Dave King: Abe

Quotes 

• Gaetano Proclo : You're a good man, Abe. I'm gonna have a novena said for you when I get back to Cleveland. What's your last name? Abe what?

  Abe Lefkowitz : Lefkowitz.

  Gaetano Proclo : I'll still have a novena said for you when I get back.

  [Gaetano leaves] 

  Chris : You know, I had a novena said for me once. I asked to wake up gorgeous.

  Abe Lefkowitz : So, what happened?

  Chris : Well, look at me!

• Abe Lefkowitz : [announcing Chris's arrival]  340 coming up. That is 3-4-0. She's here, boys!

• Abe Lefkowitz : I thought you'd sworn off this place.

  Claude Perkins : I thought I had, too.

  Abe Lefkowitz : You got homesick for us, right?

  Claude Perkins : Well, I didn't have much choice. I've been barred from the Athenaeum.

  Abe Lefkowitz : Come on! No one gets barred from the Athenaeum.

  Claude Perkins : Well, there was this man there...

  Abe Lefkowitz : A fat man, right?

  Claude Perkins : Fat? He was the Magic Mountain! He threw me into one of my frenzies. I went beserk and kicked his door open, so they threw me out and told me never to come back again. I was willing to pay for it. I just wanted to talk to him. You know how I am.

• Small Patron : I'd prefer something on three.

  Abe Lefkowitz : [mumbling]  Yeah, yeah...

  Small Patron : [to Gaetano]  Did they ever put you on four? It's Siberia up there.

• Gaetano Proclo : You got a nightclub in there?

  Abe Lefkowitz : We got a nightclub, movies, swimming pool, steam room, massage table, discothèque, bridge, amateur night - and free blood tests every Wednesday.

• Chris : How is that gorgeous son of yours?

  Abe Lefkowitz : You're too late, he's getting married.

  Chris : Oh, hey, that's terrific! You give him my love, will you?

  Abe Lefkowitz : Sure thing.

  Chris : Does he need someone to practice with?

  Abe Lefkowitz : He's been practicing already. That's why he has to get married.

  Chris : Well, compared to me, Abe, she would have to be an amateur.

• Abe Lefkowitz : [Chris signs in under a false name]  Ronald Reagan? Oh, come on, Chris.

  Chris : Oh, you know he used to be lovers with John Wayne.

  Abe Lefkowitz : Sure he did.

  Chris : Right after he broke up with Xavier Cugat.

  Abe Lefkowitz : People like you think the whole world is queer.

  Chris : Well, it's lucky for people like you it is.

• Chris : A gay garbage man?

  Abe Lefkowitz : You never can tell.

  Chris : That's *so* true! I mean, look at me. If you just saw me walking down the street, you'd think I was a queen.

• Michael Brick : I'd like one, sir. How much is that?

  Abe Lefkowitz : How long?

  Michael Brick : Is what?

• Abe Lefkowitz : You ever been in a place like this?

  Gaetano Proclo : Oh, sure! We got a Jack LaLanne's in Cleveland.

• Abe Lefkowitz : [over the P.A]  Tonight's double feature in our mini cinema is "All About Eve" and "A Star Is Born."