Eating Raoul (1982)

Paul Bartel: Paul Bland

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Paul : Why don't you go to bed, honey? I'll bag the Nazi and straighten up.

• Sex Shop Salesman : Le Orgy Gel comes in lemon, mint, cherry or trail mix.

  Paul : Trail mix?

  Sex Shop Salesman : I was making a joke.

• Paul : It's amazing what you can do with a cheap piece of meat if you know how to treat it.

• Paul : [to Mary, after killing someone]  Well, there's one consideration. If you'd done what he asked, he would have died anyway.

• [Discussing cheap wine] 

  Customer : Really? Stomach cramps? But it's such a good buy.

  Paul : Well, so is lighter fluid at a dollar fifty a pint, but I wouldn't serve it to my - dinner guests.

• Paul : Mary, I just killed a man.

  Mary : He was a man. Now he's just a bag of garbage.

• Sex Shop Salesman : Okay, your vibrators start at $10.95 and go up. We've got the Salami, Man-o'-War and...

  [pulls out huge vibrator] 

  Sex Shop Salesman : Alien.

  Paul : Just give me the cheapest one.

  Sex Shop Salesman : Wait a minute. There's nothing cheap about my store. You mean inexpensive don't you?

  [pokes Paul on shoulder with "Alien" vibrator] 

  Sex Shop Salesman : Isn't that what you meant?

  Paul : [intimidated]  Yes.

  Sex Shop Salesman : That's what I thought you meant!

• Paul : A hundred-and-seventy-five-dollar-a-month rent increase! How are we going to pay that?

  Mary : Don't worry. We can live on your insta-cash card for a month or so.

  Paul : Don't you remember? It was canceled for non-payment.

• Sex Shop Salesman : But I'm telling you - you're gonna need a lubricant for this vibrator. Unless your date's inflatable. Ha!

  Paul : For your information, I'm buying this to use as a novelty cocktail stirrer!

  Sex Shop Salesman : [shouts]  Sure!

• Paul : Mary, if we call it the Country Kitchen, can the specialty still be the Bland Enchilada?

• Doris the Dominatrix : You look like you need discipline, slave.

  Paul : I have to go, really. We're having a friend to dinner.

  Doris the Dominatrix : Lick my boot, pig!

• Mary : You killed him! You killed him!

  Paul : What?

  Mary : He's dead. He's really dead.

  Paul : Oh, shit! That's all I need.

• Mary : I just don't know why they let swingers in the building.

  Paul : Because they're so transient, that's why. They're always pairing up and switching off and moving in and moving out and the landlords get to raise the rent every 10 minutes.

  Mary : Sexual liberation. Just look what it's brought us.

• Paul : Mary, what do you think makes them go for that weird stuff? Are they crazy?

  Mary : They're sick. This world is overflowing with millions of sexual freaks.

  Paul : We're so lucky to have found each other.

• Paul : She's some madwoman who attacks people with a whip. She was at that swingers party.

  Mary : She gave you her card?

  Paul : She gave everybody her card.

  Mary : That's disgusting.

  Paul : Apparently, a lot of swingers enjoy that sort of thing.

  Mary : I don't mind a *little* hugging and kissing. But that...

• Mary : Do you realize that we have made almost a thousand dollars in two days, tax-free?

  Paul : Just by - killing people.

  Mary : Horrible, sex-crazed maniacs that nobody in the world would miss. I wonder how much we could make if we really put our minds to it.

• Mary : I think it's a good idea.

  Paul : What's a good idea?

  Mary : Putting in new locks. We don't want people wandering in when we're - bopping perverts.

• Paul : Look, Mary, our ad's out. "We do anything."

  Mary : Well, that's certainly laying it on the line.