A Midsummer Night's Sex Comedy (1982)

Tony Roberts: Maxwell

Photos 

Quotes 

• Maxwell : I'm a doctor and I believe in the spirit world.

  Andrew : Oh, you have to, Maxwell, that's where all your patients end up.

• Maxwell : I never felt like this. The moment I smelled her I loved her.

  Andrew : Well, smell someone else. She's taken.

• Andrew : Dulcy's cute, Maxwell. What is she? Twelve years old? Thirteen? What?

  Maxwell : She's twice that, Andrew! She's very experienced. She couldn't keep her hands off of me on the way up here.

  Andrew : Oh, Jesus, when are you gonna grow up? You're like one of those creatures in Greek mythology who's half-goat.

  Maxwell : You only live once, Andrew, you know that.

• Dulcy : There's another sapsucker!

  Maxwell : How come everything you say sounds dirty?

• Maxwell : Andrew, are you all right?

  Andrew : Maxwell, I think I fractured my last remaining nose

  Maxwell : You shouldn't fly. You're a mammal.

  Andrew , Maxwell : Thank you, Maxwell. A doctor with a license is no smarter.

  Maxwell : He never tires of insulting me, but when he's sick...

  Andrew : Yeah? Who overcharges me?

  Maxwell : But you always get well, don't you, Andrew?

  Andrew : I would get well anyhow, Maxwell, even without the leeches.

• Maxwell : What are you smiling at, Miss Ford?

  Dulcy : Oh, I was thinking about something I'd read in The Katzenjammer Kids.

• Maxwell : So, how did you and Leopold meet?

  Ariel : We were both tourists at St. Peter's in Rome.

  Maxwell : You picked her up at the Vatican, Leopold?

  Ariel : My whole life I wanted to see the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel.

  Leopold : I met her in the Basilica before one of the lesser Madonnas. I couldn't resist the impulse to speak with this heavenly creature.

• Ariel : I don't love you.

  Maxwell : Because you don't know me. Give me ten minutes, ten lousy minutes.

• Carstairs : [kiss]  Oh, Maxwell.

  [kiss] 

  Carstairs : Mmm.

  [kiss] 

  Carstairs : Sweetheart, listen.

  [kiss] 

  Carstairs : We can't go on like this.

  Maxwell : Why not?

  [kiss] 

  Carstairs : Mmm. Because my husband is beginning to realize there's nothing wrong with me.

  [kiss] 

  Maxwell : It's medically sound to have periodic checkups.

  [kiss] 

  Carstairs : Yes, but, not so many! The President doesn't have this kind of healthcare.

  [puts back on her dress] 

• Maxwell : Did you not know that I had my eye on you these last two weeks?

  Dulcy : Why, I've only been working here for five days.

  Maxwell : Oh, I lose track. You always seem so shy around me.

  Dulcy : The nurses on the floor say you're fast.

  Maxwell : Me?

  Dulcy : I mean, I think you're handsome.

• Maxwell : Come with me, we'll have a fabulous weekend. We'll sun and swim and drink beer. Naturally, I'll make sure we have separate rooms.

  Dulcy : We don't need separate rooms.

• Andrew : You never have any interests in getting married? Right?

  Maxwell : I don't stick around long enough to fall in love, Andrew. You know what I'm like. Marriage for me is the death of hope.

• Dulcy : [showing off her swimsuit]  Do you like it?

  Maxwell : No, No. Not a bit. You know, my blood pressure is always 90 over 680.

  Dulcy : It drives them wild at Coney Island. But, if we're going to be in a country stream, why do I have to wear anything at all?

• Dulcy : I brought some contraceptives with me, in case you forgot.

  Maxwell : Oh, good; because, I only brought 300.

  [kiss] 

• Maxwell : Blue Moon Glow.

  Ariel : That's exactly right! I'm amazed! I didn't think they sold it in this country.

  Maxwell : Well, an old love of mine wore it - a ballerina from Spain.

  Ariel : And the scent you're wearing, is that Bay Rum?

  Maxwell : Yes! That's exactly right. From the - straight from the corner drug store. Well, we recognize each other's smells. In the Animal Kingdom, we'd be married.

• Andrew : You just lust after her, that's all. You're not in love with her. You want to sleep with her.

  Maxwell : How could anyone just want to sleep with such a dream? Not that I don't. She's hot! She's very hot.

  Andrew : I know.

  Maxwell : You know, the ones that are incredible in bed are ones that are raised in a convent.

  Andrew : Maxwell, do me a favor. Go play with your butterfly net.

• Maxwell : You know, you're not too over-educated to get a punch in the nose.

• Maxwell : How can you resist? The moon is full. You're about to be married forever. This is your last free night. Spend it with me. Not all of it. Ten minutes, just talking. I know if you knew me better, you'd like me. You don't want to get married with a nagging thought, "Maybe I should have, after all, it wasn't such a poker. Maybe if I'd given him ten minutes, against all odds, he would have changed my mind. Now, it's too late. Here, I am, the Professor's wife. Secure, it's true; yet, something's missing. Maybe if I'd acted." Regrets couldn't haunt you.

• Maxwell : I believe in science and sex.

  Leopold : Not love?

  Maxwell : Yes. Love at first sight.

  Adrian : Can there be love without sex?

• Maxwell : I guess if marriage is the death of hope; then, the night before marriage, there's still hope.

• Andrew : Nobody plans these things, Maxwell, they just happen. You gotta be a little mature.

  Maxwell : Mature?

  Andrew : That's right.

  Maxwell : I'll show you what mature is. You're a backstabbing little runt!

• Ariel : What are you going to do?

  Maxwell : I'll go for a walk. I'll throw a rock in the brook. I'll go to sleep. I'll - don't worry, I'm not a drunken infantile idiot - I'll - I'll go back to my bedroom and I'll get anesthetized with meaningless lovemaking.

• Ariel : You said you believed in love at first sight.

  Maxwell : It's all in the smell. And you smell wonderful.