The Best Christmas Pageant Ever (1983 TV Movie)

Ocean Hellman: Alice

Quotes 

• Imogene Herdman : I'm going to be Mary in the Christmas play. And if you try to be, or raise your arm, you'll wish you didn't.

  Alice Wendlekin : I'm always Mary in the Christmas play.

  Imogene Herdman : Go ahead then. And next spring when the pussy-willows come out, I'm going to stick a pussy-willow so far down your ear where nobody can reach it. And it'll sit there and grow and grow and grow so for the rest of your life, there'll be a pussy-willow bush growing out of your ear.

• Maxine : [referring to a shack exploding]  Who said the Herdmans did it?

  Beth Bradley : They said they did. Ralph said he was the one that stole the chemistry set from Old Man Johnson's garage.

  Alice Wendlekin : Call the police, then they can put Ralph in jail.

  Beth Bradley : Alice, nobody's going to call the police on them.

  Maxine : Because they're kids.

  Beth Bradley : No, because they burned down the jail.