ALF (1986–1990)
Anne Schedeen: Kate Tanner
Photos
Quotes
-
[on a camping trip]
Willie : One more word out of you, and you're not eating with us.
ALF : Right. Let the alien starve.
Willie : I think the alien could skip a meal. It might be a new experience for you!
[pause]
Willie : How would you like your hamburger?
ALF : Medium rare. Hold the lightning.
Willie : How would you like to be 50% hair?
ALF : You know, you're a different person when you're on vacation.
Willie : I'm just trying to make this vacation fun.
ALF : How, by drowning us?
Willie : By trying to keep a positive attitude! You might do that yourself... INSTEAD OF COMPLAINING ALL THE TIME!
Kate : [annoyed] Guys, please.
ALF : Well, not everyone enjoys spending their vacation in a rainforest!
Willie : We're in this rainforest because of you!
ALF : I vote we go home.
Willie : You're not voting in this.
ALF : Call the newspapers! Democracy is dead!
-
[Kate tries to help Jake to talk to a girl]
Kate : If it would be any help at all, you could practice on me.
Jake Ochmonek : It wouldn't be the same, Mrs. Tanner. Laura's much more... she's beautiful.
Kate : [coldly] I see.
[she leaves]
ALF : [to Jake] You've got a way with women.
-
ALF : Hey, what's going on in here?
Willie : We're having a family meeting.
ALF : Oh I get it, freeze out the alien. I guess I'm not part of the family.
Kate : Uh ALF, we thought you were watching The 3 Stooges.
ALF : I turned it off. Somehow I just can't buy Shemp as a surgeon.
Brian : Curly was a senator once.
ALF : True, and Moe was Speaker of the House.
Willie : Could we put an end to the Stooge talk here for a minute?
ALF : Sootaintly, whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo, ha ha ha.
-
Lynn : [giving ALF a haircut] ALF, hold still. I want to get it even.
ALF : Well, don't cut it too short. It'll look like I have a big schnoz.
Kate : I didn't realize you were so concerned with your appearance.
ALF : You think I wake up looking this good?
Kate : [doorbell rings] Doorbell.
ALF : Hide in the kitchen, ALF. Hah! Beat ya to it.
Lynn : Ahem. Two dollars, ALF. Pay up.
ALF : Two dollars? I didn't even get my medicure.
Lynn : Welcher!
-
[ALF is trying to be a professional shrink and he's annoying Kate and Willie]
ALF : Speaking of aggravation, we've got to do something about Brian.
Kate : What's wrong with Brian?
ALF : He's been experiencing some negative stroking from Kate lately.
Kate : [in a sudden burst of anger] All right. That's it.
Willie : Calm down.
ALF : Stop ventilating.
Kate : I am not ventilating. I am talking.
[to Willie]
Kate : And I resent the implication that I'm having a negative effect on my son's outlook. Oh I give up. I give up.
ALF : You're letting out your emotions. Good. Now we can make some real progress.
Willie : And you are spouting out a lot of psychological clichés you don't even understand.
ALF : Why so hostile, Willie? I'm okay. You're okay.
Willie : This must stop.
ALF : That's right. A good scream. Let it fly.
Willie : You cannot keep aggravating people like this.
ALF : Why do you hate your mother?
-
ALF : Yo Kate, where do you keep your casserole dishes?
Kate : Why?
ALF : The cat won't fit in the toaster. Never mind, I'll make a peanut butter sandwich, where's the blender?
Kate : Try it without the blender this time, and don't get hair in the peanut butter jar.
ALF : Rules rules rules.
ALF : Grease fire grease fire.
ALF : Never mind the curtains put me out.
-
Kate : What are you doing?
ALF : [with a sunlamp in front of his head] Oh, soaking up rays, Babe. Your sunlamp's not working. I've been sitting here for five hours, Nada.
Kate : Five hours? ALF, you're lucky you didn't get a sunburn.
ALF : [Kate touches him] Aaah!
Kate : Sorry.
ALF : Aah, oh, it hurts, it hurts.
Kate : Well, would you like some cold cream?
ALF : Yeah, but just one scoop, I'm on a diet.
Kate : It's for your nose.
ALF : That's where I'm trying to lose the weight.
Kate : ALF, I'm talking about cold cream. Not ice cream. Cold cream. You understand?
ALF : You're talking like they're two different things.
Kate : They *are*! Haven't you been listening?
ALF : What is this, healing through hollering?
