Howard the Duck (1986)

Chip Zien: Howard T. Duck

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Together in bed, Beverly seducing Howard] 

  Howard T. Duck : [flustered]  I've got a headache...

  Beverly : And I've got the aspirin!

  Howard T. Duck : Be gentle.

• Howard T. Duck : No one laughs at a master of Quack Fu!

• Howard T. Duck : That's it, no more Mr. Nice Duck.

• Howard T. Duck : I've given up trying to assimilate. I've got to get back to my own kind!

  [notices Beverly's behind as he watches her crawl across the top of her bed in her underwear] 

  Howard T. Duck : Althoooooough... I HAVE developed a greater appreciation for the female version of the human anatomy... ARROOOOO!

  Beverly : Howard, you really are the worst!

  Howard T. Duck : He-he!

  Beverly : Come on, let's watch David Letterman. Come on!

  [Pats the bed] 

  Howard T. Duck : Okie-dookie.

• Beverly : I was worried about you. I missed you.

  Howard T. Duck : Well, sex appeal. Some guys got it - and some guys don't.

• Howard T. Duck : We've got a saying on my planet. If God intended us to fly, he wouldn't have taken away our wings.

• Howard T. Duck : Bev, I am not a real sentimental guy.

  Beverly : No. I bet you were born from a very hard-boiled egg, Duckie.

• [Howard and Phil have landed in a pond] 

  Howard T. Duck : Philsy, help! Philsy, help me!

  Phil Blumburtt : Never heard of a duck that couldn't swim.

  Howard T. Duck : Shut up and save me!

• [last lines] 

  Howard T. Duck : Not bad for a duck from outer space.

  Beverly : You were great, Duckie!

• Howard T. Duck : Every duck has his limit, and you scum have pushed me over the line!

• Beverly : You got some place to go?

  Howard T. Duck : Hey, if I had some place to go I certainly wouldn't be in 'Cleve-Land'.

• Phil Blumburtt : DUCK!

  Howard T. Duck : And proud of it!

• [Jenning has almost crashed into a diner] 

  Howard T. Duck : You think that's funny, Jenning?

  Dr. Jenning : I'm not Jenning anymore! The transformation is complete. I am now... someone else.

  Howard T. Duck : Try telling that to your insurance company.

• Beverly : I'm sorry I'm so nervous. It's just that I've never been around a... Um, I mean, I've never even had any pets or anything, you know. They seem like such a hassle - you know, feeding 'em, cleaning up their little poo-poos, and...

  Howard T. Duck : I'll try to be careful.

• [Howard is being strip-searched] 

  Howard T. Duck : On my planet, we never say die, we say... NOT MY SHORTS! You perverts!

• Dr. Jenning : In the lab that night, we saw a single feather fall. We weren't aware that the rest of you, Howard, had landed in that alley just two miles away. Any questions?

  Howard T. Duck : Yeah. Where are my pants?

• Howard T. Duck : No duck is an island. And if fate sent me here to save Earth, then Howard the Duck is ready to fight!

• Beverly : Hiya, Duckie.

  Howard T. Duck : Hi, Tootse.

• [Phil Blumburtt hangs into the sea from the bottom of a flying machine as Howard's driving] 

  Howard T. Duck : This is no time for watersports!

• Howard T. Duck : What is this place?

  Beverly : Uh... Cleveland?

  Howard T. Duck : Cleve-Land? U-huh. That's a perfect weird name for this planet.

• Howard T. Duck : I can't believe this planet. Fried eggs - yuck!

• Howard T. Duck : Goodbye, Duckworld.

• Hostess : I'm sorry, we don't allow pets on the premises.

  Howard T. Duck : Hey! Have a heart! Seeing-eye duck.

• Howard T. Duck : It's not nice to fool with the dark overlords!

• Howard T. Duck : Desperate ducks commit desperate acts!

• Howard T. Duck : [to Bev]  Of all the alleys in the world I could have fallen into that night, why did it have to be yours?

• Beverly : Make yourself at home.

  Howard T. Duck : Make myself at home? I wish.

• Dr. Jenning : I told you, bird-brain, I am not Jenning anymore! I am now one of the Dark Overlords of the Universe.

  Beverly : Hmm, Dark Overlord of the Universe?

  Howard T. Duck : That must be quite a responsibility.

• [the mob is trying to slaughter Howard] 

  Howard T. Duck : Jenning! They're seasoning me!

• Dr. Jenning : The world is in great danger.

  Howard T. Duck : Yeah, it certainly is when *you're* out on the highway.

• Dr. Jenning : You are about to make history a second time, my little friend.

  Howard T. Duck : Thanks. But once was plenty.

• Beverly : I just can't seem to find the right man.

  Howard T. Duck : Maybe it's not a man you should be looking for.

  Beverly : Ah, you think I might find happiness in the animal kingdom, Duckie?

  Howard T. Duck : Like they say, Doll, love's strange. We could always give it a try.

  Beverly : Okay, let's go for it Mr. Macho.

• Beverly : [Picks up a handful of feathers]  What's this in my bed?

  Howard T. Duck : Ah, souvenirs?

  Beverly : I'm gonna miss you a lot, Duckie.

• Waitress : [after the waitress brings the "Specials", Howard lets out a cry and is horrified]  You ordered your specials, what's wrong?

  Dr. Jenning : [Dr. Jenning posessed by a dark overlord]  This will mean the extinction of all existing lifeforms.

  Waitress : You haven't even tasted it yet

  Howard T. Duck : What do you think, I'm into cannibalism or something?

  Waitress : Hey, are we like all in the same discussion here?

  Howard T. Duck : I'll give you a hint, doll: what's white, ovoid, and always reminds me of my birthday?

  Waitress : I don't know.

  Howard T. Duck : The eggs, get em outta here.

• Howard T. Duck : I'm a dead duck!

• Beverly : Listen, would you like something to eat or drink? Milk? I could put it in a bowl?

  Howard T. Duck : Doll, I don't drink out of bowls. Do you gotta beer?

• Beverly : If that's the way you want it! Then, so long, Duckie!

  Howard T. Duck : Don't shed any tears over me, Tootse!

• Howard T. Duck : Dammit! I can't sit here on my tail feathers, feeling sorry for myself. I've got to think about practical matters. Food. Shelter. A job!

• Beverly : You play pretty good.

  Howard T. Duck : I had a group in high school: Howard and the Heartbreakers.

  Beverly : Oh, heavy, Howard. Very heavy. Maybe you should be our manager. Wait a second. Maybe you're just the kind of bizarro influence we need!

• Howard T. Duck : On my planet, we never say die - we say kill!

• Howard T. Duck : I need this like I need another tail.

• Howard T. Duck : It's alright, Tootse.

• Howard T. Duck : [Holding Dr Jenning's hand, who is posessed as a dark overlord]  Ahh, not so tight, what are you doing falling in love?

• Dr. Jenning : [Possessed by the dark overlord]  I am not Jenning anymore.

  Howard T. Duck : [after the aliens have been banished to their own dimension, Howard imitates Jenning, pretending to be possessed]  I am not Howard anymore.

• Howard T. Duck : Aren't you going to see me off?

  Beverly : Sure I am. I just hope they let you take a carry-on bag. Look, I'm gonna put in these polaroids that we took at the club.

• Phil Blumburtt : I've already got a theory.

  Beverly : What theory?

  Phil Blumburtt : Well, this is, of course, the evolutionary ladder showing how man progressed from monkey to me, for instance.

  Howard T. Duck : You consider that progress? Jeez, you're all hairless apes? That's really disgusting.

  Phil Blumburtt : Now, I want you both to imagine, somewhere in the universe, is Howard's world. Picture it, in your mind, a world almost exactly like ours except the progenitor of the dominant species was not a monkey - but, a duck!

  Howard T. Duck : Sound theory. Every school duck knows this stuff!

• Phil Blumburtt : [With Beverly in tow, a depressed Howard exits the museum where Phil works]  ... Beverly! Howard, wait! Come on, don't flutter off in a huff. Listen, I've got some important matters to clean up here...

  Dr. Chapin : [from back in the museum]  Blumburtt! Did you hear what I said?

  Phil Blumburtt : ...I'll call you tonight.

  Dr. Chapin : Blumburtt, I want you back in here! Now!

  Phil Blumburtt : I'll figure out a way to help Howard, I swear. Just don't show him to anybody else...

  Howard T. Duck : I understand, Phil; it's the thought that counts...

  [notices a young couple on the street] 

  Howard T. Duck : ... They look hungry; get 'em a banana.

  Phil Blumburtt : Hide him, Beverly! Take him to a movie or something!

  Howard T. Duck : That sounds like an idea. What's playing?

  Beverly : Look, Howard, I didn't know where else to go for help.

  Howard T. Duck : Your hand still beats mine; I'm not sure where to go, period.

  Dr. Chapin : BLUMBURTT! WHERE ARE YOU? INSIDE!

  Phil Blumburtt : Coming, coming!

  Beverly : Howard, are you sure you're okay?

  Howard T. Duck : Of course; why shouldn't I be? I only got blasted jillions of miles through space, ended up on another planet, and was just given an IQ test by a janitor. Hasn't everybody had at least one day like that?

  Beverly : Look, you may be trapped in a world you never made; but, to put it philosophically, who isn't? Heck, *I* didn't make this world either. If I had, my whole career wouldn't be falling apart.

  Howard T. Duck : ...Touche, Bev. How's this for a deal: I fix your career, you fix my life. Sound fair?

  [several children laughingly rush Howard, with their Teacher in tow] 

  Teacher : Look at this wonderful exhibit!

  Howard T. Duck : EXHIBIT? Nice. For a minute, I thought you were gonna call me a freak or an outcast... like in *The Elephant Duck*! Now THERE was a downer.

  Teacher : It's so lifelike and realistic.

  Howard T. Duck : I cannot begin to tell you how right-at-home that makes me feel.