Short Circuit (1986)

Austin Pendleton: Howard Marner

Photos 

Quotes 

• Howard Marner : What if it goes out and melts down a bus load of nuns? How would you like to write the headline on that one?

  Benjamin Jabituya : Nun soup?

• Howard Marner : Crosby, we're going to have to ask you to surrender the robot.

  Newton Crosby : Stat?

  Howard Marner : Stat!

  Newton Crosby : What does that mean, anyway?

  Howard Marner : I don't know. But that's not the point.

• Howard Marner : Crosby, what's it gonna do?

  Newton Crosby : Howard it's hard to say, it's malfunctioning, it may not do anything.

  Skroeder : But it COULD decide to blow away anything that moves, couldn't it? COULDN'T IT CROSBY?

• Skroeder : ...and I'm going to need some Hueys.

  Howard Marner : Some what?

  Skroeder : HELICOPTERS, Howard. Jesus Christ!

  Howard Marner : I thought they were choppers.

  Skroeder : Well, now they're called Hueys.

  Howard Marner : Well, why wasn't I notified?

• Skroeder : What the hell does it need input for?

  Newton Crosby : I don't know; I guess it can't triangulate its position.

  Howard Marner : That's a simple function.

  Newton Crosby : Can you triangulate YOUR position, Howard?

  Howard Marner : No.

  Newton Crosby : Well, then - there you go!

• Howard Marner : No, I'm sure we'll all agree that Dr Crosby has designed a weapon which will keep our world safe for all time.

  Newton Crosby : Howard, what's so safe about blowing people up?

• [after Number 5 is seemingly destroyed] 

  Skroeder : [cheerfully]  Now that, my friend, is how you kick ass!

  Howard Marner : Years of research are down the tubes, and you're happy as a pig in slops.

  Skroeder : [proudly]  Just doing my job, sir.

  Howard Marner : Maybe from now on you can do it somewhere else.

• Howard Marner : [On CB]  Crosby, it's Howard. If you don't have my van back in 15 minutes...!

  [Number 5 blows up CB] 

• Howard Marner : [to Newton; screaming hysterically, banging his fists on the table]  I AM NOT HAVING THIS ANYMORE, CROSBY! IT WAS YOUR FAULT THAT YOU HAD TO TALK TO THESE PEOPLE!

• Howard Marner : Well, ladies and gentlemen, I want you to meet: Strategic Artificially Intelligent Nuclear Transport - or S.A.I.N.T, as we call it.

• Howard Marner : Where did you disappear to?

  Newton Crosby : I was hobnobbing!

• Howard Marner : I got a phone call from that looney in the lunch wagon. She wants to see you. Only you!

• Howard Marner : Hey! Who told you you could take Number One?

  Newton Crosby : Howard, logically, if we need protection from Number Five - this is the best weapon we could have.

  Howard Marner : Great. Great. So, instead of 11 million dollars on the loose - we're gonna have twenty-two.

  Ben Jabituya : And plus, we are needing gas money.

• Howard Marner : Don't tell me its laser is still armed.

  Ben Jabituya : Bimbo.

• Howard Marner : Where is he? I need him! Stat!

  Ben Jabituya : Excuse me, sir? Crosby? He is hiding in the toilet, sir.

  Howard Marner : Public relations is everybody's job.

  Ben Jabituya : He's saying that the crowds, they are making him dog sick, sir...

  Howard Marner : Look, he's supposed to be here, I want him here, I *pay* him to be here.

  Ben Jabituya : Well, the last time I'm seeing him, he is busy womiting, sir.

  Howard Marner : Well, clean him up and send him out, to hobnob. Stat!

• Ben Jabituya : "Unable. Malfunction."

  Howard Marner : How can it refuse to turn itself off?

  Skroeder : Maybe it's pissed off.

  Newton Crosby : It's a machine, Schroeder. It doesn't get pissed off. It doesn't get happy, it doesn't get sad, it doesn't laugh at your jokes.

  Newton Crosby , Ben Jabituya : [in unison]  It just runs programs.

  Howard Marner : It usually runs programs.