Sweet Liberty (1986)

Alan Alda: Michael Burgess

Photos 

Quotes 

• Bo Hodges : You realize who goes to see movies. Eighty percent of them are between the ages of 12 and 22. And you know what the kids like?

  Michael Burgess : What?

  Bo Hodges : Well, this may sound silly to you, but kids go completely ape if you do three things in a picture: defy authority, destroy property, and take people's clothes off.

  Michael Burgess : [bollixed]  What does that have to do with American history?

  Bo Hodges : Oh, come on, Michael, think about it for a second. Why do kids defy authority? Because they're in rebellion. The American revolution, Michael, was the ultimate rebellion. *And* they destroyed property! So all we had to do with these lunatics' help was to get their clothes off.

• Michael Burgess : [Meeting the director for the first time]  Yeah, the script is, uh... very interesting. There are only a couple of things I have a problem with.

  Bo Hodges : [unconcerned]  Oh, yeah? What are they?

  Michael Burgess : The story, and the dialogue.

• [On Stanley's adaptation of Michael's book] 

  Stanley Gould : You're not upset are you?

  Michael Burgess : [annoyed]  I think I should warn you - I have a sword in my bag.

• Michael Burgess : Hi Mom. I brought you your groceries

  Cecelia Burgess : Put them on the TV.

  Michael Burgess : Mom, why do you always put your groceries on the TV?

  Cecelia Burgess : I always put them there and keep them there for a week. The radiation kills the poison that they put in them.

  Michael Burgess : Mom, there's no poison in your groceries. Why don't you put them in the kitchen?

  Cecelia Burgess : You know why.

  [whispers] 

  Cecelia Burgess : Because "he's" in there.

  Michael Burgess : Who, Mom? The Devil?

  [Cecelia nods] 

  Michael Burgess : Mom, the Devil is not in your kitchen.

• Michael Burgess : [of the screenplay's historical inaccuracies]  Tarleton was a vicious ruthless beast! Why would she fall in love with this guy?

  Bo Hodges : He's number four at the box office.

  Michael Burgess : What?

  Bo Hodges : Elliott James is an international star. He comes on the screen in Paris, they wet their pants in Manila. If she *doesn't* fall in love with him, the audience will set fire to the *ushers*.

• Michael Burgess : [on meeting the lead actress out of period costume]  I'm trying to get used to how *different* you look. You--you know, you're two different people!

  Faith Healy : Oh, well, if all I could be is two different people, I'd be out of business!

• Elliott James : [of his philandering]  You know what my problem is? The way they smell. The perfume of their skin. It's, it's so intoxicating. I told my wife I'd never even *look* at other women if only I could cut off my nose.

  Michael Burgess : What'd she say?

  Elliott James : She said I was aiming too high.

• Faith Healy : [on seeing Michael nearly pick a fight with her co-star Elliott out of jealousy]  I think if you have a complaint, you ought to take it up with me.

  Michael Burgess : Exactly how far do you take being Mary Slocum?

  Faith Healy : How far do you take being an historian?

  Michael Burgess : I would stop short of sleeping with George the Third. *Why* would you have anything to do with him?

  Faith Healy : Because he's a witty, charming man, and because it helps our scenes.

  Michael Burgess : Helps your *scenes*?

  Faith Healy : When I look in his eyes now, there's someone there. Do you--do you know what it feels like to act with someone who has the emotional depth of an eggplant?

  Michael Burgess : [truly astonished]  You're not at *all* like her!

  Faith Healy : [quietly, also astonished]  Where have you been the last ten weeks?

• Michael Burgess : [Stanley calls Michael and himself "The Two Musketeers"]  I'm not a musketeer, I'm a historian!

• Michael Burgess : [to Stanley, who wants to inject more comedy into the screenplay]  The American Revolution was NOT a goddamned vaudeville show!

• Gretchen : I'll tell you what, Mrs. Burgess, why don't I make you some lunch?

  Cecelia Burgess : Sure! Some poisoned food would just finish me off!

  Michael Burgess : Well, they were all out of poisoned food today. We got the other kind.