Casual Sex? (1988)

Victoria Jackson: Melissa

Photos 

Quotes 

• Unknown suitor : Melissa, marry me!

  Melissa : Do I know you?

  Unknown suitor : No, but I just met your parents and they really like me.

• Stacy : Yeah. Now, when you're with a guy, you're not just sleeping with him, you're sleeping with everyone they've had sex with.

  Ilene : And everyone they've had sex with.

  Ilene , Melissa : And everyone *they've* had sex with!

  Melissa : Gee, I'm a lot more experienced than I thought I was!

  [They laugh.] 

• Stacy : This is kind of embarrassing to admit, but I remember when it was actually fun to say, "WOW, that really felt great! What's your name again?"

  Melissa : I've never had sex with someone I didn't know. For that matter, I've never said, "Wow, that felt really great."

• [Melissa's dream.] 

  Dr. Goodman : The good news is that your Blue Cross will cover this visit. The bad news is that you have herpes simplex I and II, trichomonas, gonorrhea, acute

  [sic] 

  Dr. Goodman : immune deficiency syndrome related complex, vulvar lesions, secondary syphilis, venereal warts, and a potentially unbearable case of crabs.

  Melissa : But he was only the third guy in my life, and the first one didn't count!

  Dr. Goodman : Oh, all contact counts.

  Melissa : But I thought I had safe sex.

  Dr. Goodman : Oh, no sex is safe enough for you, Melissa. Well, enjoy the rest of your vacation.

  [Plunges huge needle into her.] 

• [Attempting seduction.] 

  Matthew : Melissa, did you know that women experience 63% more heightened sensitivity during the arousal phase than during climax itself?

  Melissa : Really? I like all the phases.

• [Several minutes into the attempted seduction.] 

  Melissa : What's the matter?

  Matthew : We have a problem.

  Melissa : Well, what is it?

  Matthew : I can't. I'm sorry.

  Melissa : Is it me?

  Matthew : No no no, it's not you. It's me. I'm not attracted to you.

  Melissa : Oh.

  Matthew : Now, I don't want you to take this as a rejection, but as an acceptance between two people whose needs are profoundly incompatible. And you're not alone. I devote an entire chapter to this in my book.

• [To the camera.] 

  Melissa : I really wish you hadn't seen that.

• Ilene : Haven't you ever had an orgasm?

  Melissa : Oh, yeah, sure-- No, not really. I mean, not with someone else in the room.

• Melissa : Uh, this is one that the kids at school told me. Why did the chicken go halfway across the street?

  Vinny : Why?

  Melissa : He wanted to lay it on the line. --You're not laughing.

  Vinny : Oh, not yet, not yet. Inside, it's building, it's building. About a half hour from now I'll be rolling all over the beach, I'm telling you. You won't be able to stop me. I'll be in hysterics.

• Melissa : You know, Matthew's a psychologist. I just love therapy. I think everyone should be in therapy.

  Matthew : That would be good for me. Actually, I'm here to do reseach for a book I'm writing, on the psycho-sexual tendencies of pre-menopausal females.

  Vinny : Yeah, me too.