The Simpsons (1989– )

Harry Shearer: Ned Flanders, Principal Skinner, Kent Brockman, Lenny, Mr. Burns, Dr. Hibbert, Lenny Leonard, Waylon Smithers, Reverend Lovejoy, Otto, Montgomery Burns, Scratchy, Jasper, Smithers, Rainier Wolfcastle, Eddie, Kang, Otto Mann, Rev. Lovejoy, Judge Snyder, Mr. Largo, Announcer, TV Announcer, Dewey Largo, God, Principal Seymour Skinner, Skinner, Dr. Julius Hibbert, Jasper Beardly, Seymour Skinner, Hibbert, Dr. Marvin Monroe, Herman, Marty, Legs, Radio Announcer, Bill, Reverand Lovejoy, Judge, Tom Brokaw, Additional Voices, Bill Clinton, Dave Shutton, Gary, McBain, Jasper Beardley, Louie, Narrator, Baseball Announcer, George H.W. Bush, Guard, Others, Principal Dondelinger, Ronald Reagan, Sanjay, Adolf Hitler, Al Gore, Charles Montgomery Burns, Commercial Announcer, Director, Doctor, Dr. J. Loren Pryor, Evil Laugh, Herman Hermann, Jerry, Man, Richard Nixon, Bob Dole, Cesar, Clancy Bouvier, Clifford Burns, Concert Announcer, First Man, George H. W. Bush, Guard #2, J. Loren Pryor, Jebediah Springfield, Johnny Carson, Lou, Nedward Flanders, Sr., Otto Man, Pilot, Rabbi Rudenstein, Sportscaster, Superintendent Chalmers, Agent #2, Alien, Announcer #1, Bartender, Bernard, Birch Barlow, Cameraman, Channel 6 Announcer, Clerk, Comedian, Commercial Voice, Dave, Derek Smalls, Doctor Hibbert, Dutch Policeman...

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Elf : Welcome to Santa's Village, where it's Christmas everyday! Closed on Christmas.

• Mr. Burns : [Giving a talk to inspire the school]  Okay, I'm going to keep this short. Friends, family, religion. These are the demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business. Any questions?

• Mr. Burns : Smithers, release the hounds.

• Ned Flanders : You know, a man came into the store today and asked for change for a dollar, and I accidentally gave him three quarters. Took me all afternoon just to track him down.

• Mr. Burns : Whoa, slow down there maestro. There's a NEW Mexico?

• Kent Brockman : So, Senator, tell our viewers why they should vote for you?

  Kang : [Bioduplicated to look like the Senator]  It makes no difference who you vote for! Either way your Planet is Doomed! Doomed!

  Kent Brockman : Well, a refreshingly honest response there from Senator Bob Dole!

• Ned Flanders : Hi-diddly-ho, neighbourino!

• [repeated lines] 

  Homer : Shut up, Flanders!

  Ned Flanders : Okily-dokily!

• Homer : Oh no, Aliens! Well, I suppose you want to probe me, might as well get it over with.

  Kang : Stop!

  [Tentacles quiver] 

  Kang : We've reached the limits of what rectal probing can teach us...

• Kent Brockman : [in front of a mugshot of HRH Queen Elizabeth II]  And the Queen will be held without bail until the sample is returned.

• Marge : We've got to get you away from these violent influences and into Church!

  Reverend Lovejoy : And then the Belshazzemites did PIERCE the eyes of their foes and feasted upon what flowed thereforth.

• Principal Skinner : Mrs Krabappel is in Portland. It turns out the people she hired to deprogram her sister out of that Cult were an even worse Cult.

• [repeated line] 

  Mr. Burns : Excellent.

• Principal Skinner : Despite all the Ritalin, Bart has moved on to drugs...

• Principal Skinner : [over the school's PA system]  Students, I have an announcement. One of your favourite comic book heroes, Radio Man...

  Nelson : Radioactive Man, stupid!

  Principal Skinner : Strange. I shouldn't have been able to hear that.

• Principal Skinner : There's no justice like angry-mob justice.

• Mr. Burns : Bolshevism! Sheer Bolshevism! Ripe for the quashing!

• [repeated line] 

  Mr. Burns : Ahoy-hoy?/!

• Reverend Lovejoy : Have you ever thought about one of the other major religions, Ned? They're all just as good...

• Superintendent Chalmers : [Vaudeville]  What I am asking you is "Who's on first?"

  Principal Skinner : A man called Hoo is on First Base, whose name confusingly sounds like the question "Who?"

  Superintendent Chalmers : Well, Seymour, you have ruined the Act. Ya sexless freak.

• Mrs. Krabappel : You're endangering the childrens' future!

  Principal Skinner : [too loud]  Oh, come on Edna, you know as well as I that these kids HAVE no future! Ha! Prove me wrong, children!

• Mrs Lovejoy : [the Parson is coming]  Please try and relax.

  Reverend Lovejoy : But he's like the Pope of this thing!

• Principal Skinner : [Not happy with the "Puma Pride" mural]  The shapely female form has no place in Art!

• Homer : Sanctuary!

  Reverend Lovejoy : Oh, why did I teach him that word?

• Homer : [at a company picnic held at Mr Burns' mansion]  Oh, boss. Look what we brought.

  [holds up a jello mould] 

  Homer : Gelatine desserts.

  Mr. Burns : [slaps his head]  Oh, for the love of Peter. That's what everybody brought. Some damn fool

  [Homer] 

  Mr. Burns : went around telling everyone I love that slimy goop.

  [motions to a whole collection of jello moulds] 

  Mr. Burns : Well, toss it in the pile over there.

  [grudgingly] 

  Mr. Burns : And make yourselves at home.

• Kent Brockman : So I guess you could say this barely qualifies as news...

• Ned Flanders : Science is like someone who tells you the end of a movie before you've watched it! I say there are some things we don't want to know! Important things!

• Ned Flanders : Absotively Posolutely!

• Bart : [filling Skinner's pants with cats and dynamite] 

  Principal Skinner : This is not going to end well.

• [repeated line] 

  Reverend Lovejoy : Damn Flanders.

• Mr. Burns : Smithers, get this bedlamite an alienist!

• Captain McCallister : I'll need three ships and fifty stout men. We'll sail around the Horn and return with spices and silk, the likes of which ye have never seen.

  Mr. Burns : We are building a CASINO.

  Captain McCallister : Aaaaarrr... Can you give me 5 minutes?

• Mr. Burns : What was I laughing at? Oh, yes, that crippled Irishman! Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha!

• Principal Skinner : [Lisa's President in the Future]  Your nutrition and education programs just created a generation of Supercriminals.

• Kent Brockman : And that's how a Hippo became a Deputy.

  Homer : ...Stupid Hippo.

• [repeated lines] 

  Mr. Burns : Who is that man?

  Waylon Smithers : That's Homer Simpson, sir. One of your _ from sector 7G.

  Mr. Burns : Simpson, eh?

• Otto : [at the wrong film]  I never realised British Coal Miners had it so hard. There's blood on your hands, Mrs Thatcher!

• Kent Brockman : And I, for one, welcome our insect Overlords...

• Mr. Burns : Smithers, unleash the League of Evil!

  Waylon Smithers : [Opens Secret Panel. The League are all dead] 

  Mr. Burns : My League! What happened to my beautiful League?

  Waylon Smithers : Even Monsters need air, Sir.

• Superintendent Chalmers : [tractored from behind by Bart]  I was going to make you Deputy Superintendent, but now that plum goes to Holloway!

  Principal Skinner : Holloway? But he's a drunk!

  Superintendent Chalmers : And a pill-popper! And what is a Dinner Lady doing posing as a Nurse?

  Lunchlady Doris : I get two paychecks this way.

  Superintendent Chalmers : D'oh.

• Homer : Oh, great! Mormons!

  Kang : Actually, we're Quantum Presbytarians...

• Mr. Burns : Would you care for some dangerous drugs?

  Homer : Well, if that is your custom...

• Ned Flanders : [people are missing the point of Flanders' "Hell House"]  No! His sin was thinking that women are beautiful!

• Principal Skinner : It's the only Behaviour Modification Camp cruel enough to scare kids like Bart straight, and then send them home quietly ticking away...

• Mr. Burns : Summon the Shire-Reeve, wake the Beadle!

• Mr. Burns : [repeated line, whenever he forgets Homer's name]  Simpson, eh?

• Mr. Burns : [Old Timey Atom Factory]  Come on boys, crack those atoms! You! Turn out your pockets! Atoms! Six of them! Take him away!

  The Working Man : You can't do this to the working man! One day we'll form a Union and get the Fair and Equitable treatment we deserve! And then we'll go too far and get corrupt and shiftless, and the Japanese will eat us alive!

  Mr. Burns : The Japanese! Those sandal wearing basket weavers!

  Mr. Burns : [Present Day]  If only we'd listened to that man instead of walling him up in an old coke oven...

• Superintendent Chalmers : I do not belong here! I am not bald, I am balding! Why doesn't anyone respect the Ding?

  Principal Skinner : I respect the Ding, Sir!

  Superintendent Chalmers : What in God's name are you talking about?

• Mr. Burns : Bosh! Flimshaw!

• Kent Brockman : Human feelings, expressed by a Human.

• Principal Skinner : Today we're doing Coding, moving on from our last educational fad, "Mindfulness". Did anyone work out what that was all about?

  [undecided murmurs] 

  Milhouse : Shutting up?

  Principal Skinner : Sure, whatever.

• Kent Brockman : Tonight we ask "Do Opposites Attract?" as the World's oldest man meets the World's fattest man...

• Kent Brockman : Tonight on Eye on Springfield, we meet a man who's been hiccupping for seven years...

  Mr Hiccups : Hic! Kill me! Hic! Kill me!

• Principal Skinner : [Loudspeaker]  Someone has been distributing counterfeit candy hearts with off colour sentiments on them. I would like to remind you that Valentine's Day is no laughing matter!

  [Vietnam Flashback] 

  Principal Skinner : Writing a Valentine to your sweetheart, Johnny?

  Johnny : You betcha!

  [Machine-gunned to death] 

  Principal Skinner : Johnny? Johnny!

  [Doesn't realise he's thinking aloud] 

  Principal Skinner : JOHNNYYYY!

  Bart : Cool, I broke his brain!

• Mr. Glascock : This is a great day for me. I thought I'd never teach again.

  Principal Skinner : Well, things have changed. There will be no mockery of your name, Mr. Glascock.

• Principal Skinner : Silent Anger! The cornerstone of a successful marriage...

• Coma Guy : Are Sonny and Cher still doing that stupid show?

  Kent Brockman : She won an Oscar and he's a Congressman!

  Coma Guy : Good night!

  [Dies] 

• Kang : No Pickle, Butter Brickle.

• Principal Skinner : But how will children learn if they don't feel like they're in kid jail?

• Mr. Burns : [after Bart knocks Smithers unconscious with a rock]  I like him a lot.

• Ned Flanders : [Flanders pours Homer a beer from a tap in his rumpus room]  Here's a tasty little lager that came all the way from Holland.

  Homer : Well, beggy can't be choosy.

  [Homer drinks some and let's out a loud belch] 

• Mr. Burns : Are you sure you haven't just made hundreds of mistakes?

  Doctor : ...Yes.

• Principal Skinner : In the interests of open dialogue, sit quietly and watch this film.

• Lisa : I know I'll never be great, but shouldn't I try?

  Principal Skinner : No.

• Ned Flanders : It's like ever since that Barbeque there's been a Curse on me.

• Video Card : My name is...

  Ned Flanders : Rod!

  Video Card : My hobbies are...

  Ned Flanders : Brushing my teeth, and Diabetes!

• Otto : [looting Picasso's Guernica] 

• Mr. Burns : Bah! Fracking produces enough clean natural gas to make America independent of sheiks, caliphs and Scandinavians.

• Ned Flanders : Snake, what would your Momma say if she knew you were going around shooting nice people in the Brain?

  Snake : She'd say that year off from Princeton was the worst mistake of my Life...

• Reverend Lovejoy : I just stopped caring. Fortunately by then it was the 80s and nobody noticed.

• Principal Skinner : Finally, we can afford attractive Teachers!

  Ugly Teacher : [clearing desk]  I was the only one who understood Osmosis!

• Reverend Lovejoy : It's all over, people! We haven't got a prayer!

• Ned Flanders : Your wide behind won't save you this time.

• Some Idiot : Still living with your Mother, Skinner?

  Principal Skinner : She Lives with Me!

• Jasper : They love you if you can drive.

• Mr. Burns : Oh, Tuttle's Sunday Trousers!

• Principal Skinner : [Punching the "Bobo Doll" from the Videotape and Live Test from Bandura's 1962 "Social Learning through Imitation" Study] 

• Kang : You mean you thought we wanted to eat you?