Wings (1990–1997)

David Schramm: Roy Biggins

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Brian Hackett : Listen, We are throwing a suprise engagement party for Joe and Helen and um your all invited.

  Casey Chappel Davenport : Its at the Harbor House tonight, we'll meet you in the lobby at 7:30

  Roy Biggins : Well, its a little last minute but its a party and who am I to pass up a big sandwich. How many feet you go for, eight feet?

  Lowell Mather : No, this is Joe and Helen, its gotta be the ten footer!

  Brian Hackett : Brace yourself guys... um... were not having a big sandwich.

  Lowell Mather : Excuse me um almost sounded like you said there'd be no big sandwich.

  Fay Schlob Dumbly DeVay Cochran : Everyone loves the big sandwich.

  Roy Biggins : A party with out a big sandwich? it it it it its just not done.

  Casey Chappel Davenport : All right! Enough about the big sandwich. I am sure you will all be more than pleased with the food especially after you've tasted the marvelous poached Salmon.

  Lowell Mather : How many feet did you get?

  Casey Chappel Davenport : It doesn't come by the foot.

  Lowell Mather : Then how do you know when your full?

  Casey Chappel Davenport : I gotta get off this Island

  [leaves quickly] 

• Joe Hackett : Lowell, where you going?

  Lowell Mather : Oh, to clear my mind.

  Roy Biggins : Shouldn't take long. One good sneeze ought to do it.

• Roy Biggins : If you'll excuse me, I've got to get ready for the big night.

  Alex : Oh, that's right, you're about to romance a woman. You'll want to shower, shave, buy chloroform...

• Roy Biggins : You know what I do when I have a problem with a woman?

  Antonio : Deflate her?

• Roy Biggins : Once you've been with Roy Biggins, you don't want another man!

  Antonio : Sounds about right.

• Roy Biggins : I'm going to teach that kid everything I know.

  Helen : What's he going to do the second half of the day?

• Roy Biggins : I've never minded staying up all night because of a woman.

  Helen : Well, you don't have a choice. If you dozed off, she'd escape.

• Lowell Mather : I've had this nagging feeling all day that I'm forgetting something.

  Roy Biggins : My guess is you get that feeling a lot.

• Roy Biggins : Forget it. I'm not... , I'm not in the mood.

  Silvia, Roy's Ex-wife : YOU?

• Roy Biggins : So what you're saying is, she's not interested in me, that I don't mean anything to her. She just wants to get me into bed & use me like some cheap piece of meat?

  Brian Hackett : Exactly.

  Roy Biggins : I can live with that!

• Lowell Mather : I'm actually a lot like a camel. I can go for months without water.

  Roy Biggins : You've only gone twelve hours; you're *way* too much like a camel already.

• Helen : Oh Lowell, please tell me your brother didn't marry his sister.

  Roy Biggins : No. Cousin. The sister didn't work out.

• Roy Biggins : I was so good, I screamed out my own name!

• Brian Hackett : It says here, fifteen percent of the American public would rather watch television than have sex.

  Roy Biggins : Fifteen perc... Yeah, yeah, I buy that, yeah. You know, maybe you're... you're too tired, or she's too... what's a nice way to put this? Ugly.

  Brian Hackett : The words "too tired" aren't in my vocabulary, and frankly, Roy, I don't think the words "too ugly" should be in yours.