Hook (1991)

Dustin Hoffman: Captain Hook

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Quotes 

• Captain James Hook : Prepare to die, Peter!

  Peter Banning : To die would be a grand adventure!

  Captain James Hook : Death is the only adventure you have left!

• Smee : I've just had an apostrophe.

  Captain Hook : I think you mean an epiphany.

  Smee : [gestures his fingers to his head]  Lightning has just struck my brain.

  Captain Hook : Well, that must hurt.

• Peter Pan : I remember you being a lot bigger.

  Captain Hook : To a ten year-old I'm huge.

• Captain James Hook : Hear me, men. For reasons of good form, I have decided that the so-called Pan will return in three days to commit the arbitrament of the sword. Smee, translate.

  Smee : In three days, we're gonna have a war! A battle between good and evil to the death!

• Captain James Hook : [holding a pistol to his head]  No stopping me this time, Smee. This is it. Don't make a move, Smee, not a step. My finger's on the trigger. Don't try to stop me, Smee.

  Smee : Oh, not again.

  Captain James Hook : This is it. Don't try to stop me this time, Smee. Don't try to stop me this time, Smee. Don't you dare try to stop me this time, Smee. Try to stop me. Smee, you'd better get up off your arse. Get over here, Smee!

  Smee : I'm coming, I'm coming.

  Captain James Hook : Stop me! This is not a joke! I'm committing suicide!

  [Smee triggers the gun away from Hook's head, sinking the model ship in the pool] 

  Captain James Hook : Don't ever frighten me like that again.

  Smee : I'm sorry.

  Captain James Hook : What are you, some kind of a sadist?

  Smee : I'm sorry, I'm sorry. How do you feel now?

  Captain James Hook : [sighs]  I want to die.

  Smee : Oh, now, now.

  Captain James Hook : There's no adventure here.

  Smee : [hold out Hook's gun]  You call this no adventure?

  Captain James Hook : Death is the only great adventure I have left, Smee.

• Captain Hook : [yells after Peter who is leaving with Jack, Maggie, and the Lost Boys]  Peter! Where are you going? Come back here and fight me! Or I'll find you wherever you are, you hear me? Bad form, Peter, come back!

  Maggie : You need a mother very, very badly!

• Captain Hook : Peter Pan will fly again. He'll remember how. And if he doesn't, those dirty Lost Boys will jog his memory. Oh, yes, you'll see. He'll crow, he'll fight, he'll fly and then - he'll die.

• Captain Hook : Oh, I hate being disappointed, Smee. And I hate living in this flawed body. And I hate living in Neverland. And I hate... I hate... I *hate* Peter Pan!

• Peter Banning : Mr. Hook, I want those kids out of that net in less than one minute, and you better get an attorney and hope to God he's better than me.

  Captain Hook : Who are you?

  Peter Banning : I'm Peter Banning, Attorney at Law, these are my children and I want them back.

  Captain Hook : Those are your...

  Peter Banning : Children.

  Captain Hook : These are your children.

  Peter Banning : Yes, they are.

  Captain Hook : And you're?

  Peter Banning : Peter.

  Captain Hook : You're Peter?

  Peter Banning : Yes.

  Captain Hook : You're Peter?

  Peter Banning : Yes!

  Captain Hook : No.

  Peter Banning : Yes.

  Captain Hook : You're Peter?

  Peter Banning : Yes. Is there an echo in here? Yes.

  Captain Hook : My great and worthy opponent?

  Peter Banning : Yes!

  Captain Hook : No! Smee, who is this impostor?

• Captain James Hook : [to Peter as he traps him and grinds his hook near his face]  You know you're not really Peter Pan, don't you? This is only a dream. When you wake up, you'll just be Peter Banning - a cold, selfish man who drinks too much, is obsessed with success, and runs and hides from his wife and children!

• Captain James Hook : [watching Peter try - and fail - to rescue his children]  Smee, I don't understand. Why doesn't he fly? Is he not Peter Pan?

  Smee : He's Peter Pan, all right, Captain. He's just been away from Neverland so long, his mind's been junk-tified. He's forgotten everything.

• Captain Hook : You, the cute little urchin in the front row, won't you share your thoughts with the whole class?

  Maggie : Yes! I said mommy reads to us every night, because she LOVES us very much!

  Captain Hook : Loves you? Isn't that the, uh, the...

  Smee : The 'L' word, Captain.

  Captain Hook : Ooh, yes!

  [grimly chuckles] 

  Captain Hook : No, child, Your mother wants to read to you every night in order to stupefy to sleep, so that she and daddy could sit down for three measly minutes without you. And you mindless, inexhaustible, unstoppable, repetitive, and nagging demands: He took my toy! She hit my bear! I want a party! I want a cookie! I want to stay up! I want, I want, I want, me, me, me, me, mine, mine, mine, mine, now, now, now, now!

  [inhales deeply] 

  Captain Hook : Can't you understand, child? They tell you stories to shut you up.

  Smee : -And conk you out.

  Maggie : That's not true, Jack!

  [to Hook] 

  Maggie : You're a liar!

  Captain Hook : [laughs]  Lie? Me? Never.

  [inhales deeply again] 

  Captain Hook : The TRUTH is far too much fun.

• Jack : Who is that, Captain?

  Captain Hook : It's Peter Pan. Has it been three days? 'Tis true, Peter, time does fly. And so do you, I see.

• Captain Hook : I have waited long to shake your hand with this. Peter Pan, prepare to meet thy doom!

  [draws sword] 

  Peter Banning : [draws sword]  Dark and sinister man, have at thee.

• [in the Museum where all clocks are destroyed. Hook hands Jack a hammer to destroy his father's watch] 

  Captain James Hook : You know you want to. Give it a try. Go on.

  Jack : This is for... never letting me blow bubbles in my chocolate milk!

  [smashes his father's watch] 

  Captain James Hook : Good form! Bravo!

  [claps] 

  Smee : Isn't that wonderful?

  Jack : This is for never letting me jump on my own bed!

  [smashes another clock] 

  Captain James Hook : Make time stand still, laddie.

  Jack : For always making promises and breaking them!

  [smashes another clock] 

  Jack : For never doing anything with me.

  [smashes another clock] 

  Captain James Hook : For a father who's never there, Jack? Jack, for a father who didn't save you on the ship.

  Jack : [starts to cry]  Who wouldn't save us...

  Captain James Hook : Who *couldn't* save you, Jack.

  Jack : [tearfully]  Well, he - he wouldn't. And he didn't even try. He was there and we were there and he wouldn't try.

  [pulls his cap down as he cries] 

  Captain James Hook : [pulls his cap up]  Jack... he will try. And the question will be: When the time comes, do you want to be saved? Now, don't you answer now. No, no, no, no, no. Now it's time to be whatever you want to be. Put behind you any thoughts of home; that place of broken promises.

  Jack : That what?

  Captain James Hook : Have I ever made a promise, Jack... I have not kept?

  [gives him a baseball] 

  Captain James Hook : Have I, son?

• Pirate : He's stealing second!

  [the catcher shoots the base stealer with his pistol and the crowd cheers] 

  Captain Hook : No, no, no! Now stop it! We're playing this game by Master Jack's rules. Bad form! Sit down, now. Let's resume the game.

  [to his lady] 

  Captain Hook : A very violent sport, isn't it, baseball?

• Peter Pan : [to the lost boys]  Let's get ready to show them the white light we're made of, boys.

  Captain Hook : [to the pirates]  Remember the fires of hell that forged you. Charge.

• [Hook hangs Maggie and Jack from a net atop the mast] 

  Captain Hook : I'll make you a deal, Mr. Chairman-of-the-Board. Fly up there and touch the outstretched fingers of your frightened children, and I'll set them free.

  Peter Banning : I can't fly!

  Captain Hook : Come on, explode out of there! Stop the charade! Free you children!

  Maggie , Jack : Help, daddy!

  Captain Hook : [Peter whispers to Hook's ear]  I beg your pardon?

  Peter Banning : [inaudible whisper]  I have a real problem with heights.

  Captain Hook : You must be joking.

  [he laughs] 

  Captain Hook : Peter Pan has a real problem with heights!

  [Hook and the other pirates burst out laughing] 

  Peter Banning : I'm not Peter Pan.

• [Peter and Hook are dueling] 

  Peter Banning : Good form, old man.

  [Hook traps Peter and grinds his hook near his face] 

  Captain Hook : You know you're not really Peter Pan, don't you? This is only a dream. When you wake up, you'll just be Peter Banning, a cold, selfish man who drinks too much, who's obsessed with success, and runs and hides from his wife and children!

  Too Small : I believe in you.

  Latchboy : I believe in you.

  No Nap : I believe in you, Peter.

  Maggie : I believe in you.

  Thud Butt : You are the Pan.

  Jack : You're Peter Pan.

  Tinkerbell : I believe in you... Peter Pan.

  [Peter pushes Hook off and returns his sword. As Hook takes it, he slices Peter's arm with his hook] 

  Jack : Bad form!

  Ace : Jack, stop!

• Captain Hook : [starts to descend the steps on his ship but stops]  Where's the carpet, Smee?

  Smee : Oh! Sorry, sir.

  [Smee stamps his foot once and a red carpet appears on the stairs] 

• Smee : I don't wanna hear no more of this talk about doing away with yourself. I mean, what would the world be like without Captain Hook?

  Captain Hook : Indeed. Good form, Smee. What *would* the world be like without Captain Hook?

• Captain Hook : [wielding his sword ready to fight Peter, after Rufio's death]  Are you ready for me Peter? Come on, humor the Hook.

• Captain Hook : Gentlemen, I'm afraid I have decided to cancel the war. Kill them. Kill them all.

• Captain Hook : You!

  [pointing at someone in the crowd] 

  Captain Hook : You! That's right you! No not you! not you... you... You! You bet against me bringing Pan back here, didn't ya?

  Gutless : [Intimidated]  No.

  Captain Hook : Ahh

  [Nods disbelievingly] 

  Captain Hook : ... tell your captain the truth

  Gutless : [Breaks down crying] 

  Captain Hook : Awww... say it... say it

  Gutless : I did...

  Captain Hook : Yes... you made a boo boo...

  Gutless : I did... I did it...

  Captain Hook : Mmm...

  [Looks at another pirate] 

  Captain Hook : The boo box.

  Gutless : Not that! Not the boo box!

  Captain Hook : [nods]  The boo box.

  Gutless : NOOOOOO!

  Captain Hook : Yes.

• Captain James Hook : [to Peter, in disbelief]  Is it you? My great and worthy opponent? But it can't be. Not this pitiful, spineless, pasty, bloated codfish I see before me. You're not even a shadow of Peter Pan.

• Peter Banning : It's okay. Hang on, son. I'm coming, sweetheart.

  [begins to climb up a rope ladder] 

  Peter Banning : Someone give me a hand?

  Captain Hook : I already have.

• Captain Hook : Peter. I swear to you wherever you go, wherever you are, I vow there will always be daggers bearing notes signed James Hook. They will be flung into doors of your children's children's children, do you hear me?

  Peter Pan : What do you want, old man?

  Captain Hook : Just you.

• [holding up a sign reading "Run Home Jack"] 

  Pirates : Run home, Jack! Run home, Jack!

  Jack : "Run home, Jack."

  Captain Hook : Smee, no, no, no! They've got it backwards! Tell them to turn it around!

  Jack : Maggie?

  Smee : Switch!

  [the pirates fix the sign to read "Home Run Jack." They read it] 

  Pirates : Home run, Jack! Home run, Jack! Home run, Jack!

• Captain James Hook : Well, my stupid, sorry, parasitic sacks of entrails...

  [the pirates laugh] 

  Captain James Hook : ...revenge is mine.

  [the pirates cheer] 

  Tickles : Long live the Hook!

• Captain Hook : Finally, I'm going to kill Peter Pan, that cocky boy who cut off my hand and fed it to the crocodile!

  [pirates cheer] 

  Captain Hook : And who killed that cunning crocodile?

  Pirates : Hook!

  Captain Hook : Who stuffed him?

  Pirates : Hook!

  Captain Hook : Who made him into a quiet clock?

  Pirates : Hook!

  Captain Hook : Who went into the other world and stole Pan's children?

  Pirates : Hook!

  Captain Hook : And who didn't believe I could do it? Who doubted me? Who amongst us does not belong? Someone here does not belong. Stranger amongst the loyal, I will weed you out!

• Captain Hook : I think your mother reads to you every night in order to stupefy you to sleep. So she and daddy can sit down for three measly minutes without you and your mindless, inexhaustible, unstoppable, repetitive and nagging demands. "He took my toy." "She hit my bear." "I want a party." "I want a cookie." "I want to stay up." I want, I want, I want, me, me, me, me, mine, mine, mine, mine, now, now, now... can't you understand child? They tell you stories to shut you up.

• Maggie : [gets up and grabs Captain Hook's hook]  I wanna tear your hook off!

  Captain Hook : [looks from Jack to Maggie]  Easy.

  Maggie : I hate... I hate you, Mr. Hook!

  Captain Hook : [laughs]  What did I tell you, Smee? No little children love me.

  Smee : Yes, they do. Come on, you.

  [grabs Maggie] 

  Smee : You're depressin' the Captain.

  Maggie : Jack, you listen to me! Never let him make you forget! Never forget mommy and daddy!

  Jack : Maggie.

  Maggie : Think of a way to run home, Jack! Run home!

  Jack : Run home?

  Captain Hook : Jack.

  [puts his hook in front of his face; Jack's eyes widen a bit] 

  Captain Hook : You are home.

  [laughs] 

  Captain Hook : Right?

• Captain James Hook : [contemplating]  Smee? Smee, I've just had a sublime vision. All the jagged parts of my life have come together to form a complete an mystical... whole. An epiphany.

  Smee : A "piphy"-what?

  Captain James Hook : My life is over!

  Smee : Does that mean you've lost your appetite?

  Captain James Hook : Yes. Goodbye.

• Captain Hook : Well, I should claw myself with my own hook. Not to kill Pan when I had the chance? What have I done? What have I done, Smee? Agreed to a preposterous plan, an absurd war. Now I'm bound by my indefatigable good form to wait.

  Smee : I'll fix you a nice plate.

  Captain Hook : [interrupted]  Wait for what?

  Captain Hook : Whether it be three days or decades, he will always be a Fat, Old Pan.

  [while was smee was humming and eating while spitting and Hook was interrupted] 

  Captain Hook : Oh, I hate being disappointed, Smee. And I hate living in this flawed body! And I hate living in Neverland! And I hate, I Hate - I Hate Peter Pan!

• Peter Banning : We have an obligation to clarify this "Pan" problem.

  Captain Hook : This disaster.

  Peter Banning : Which must be remedied.

  Captain Hook : Expediently, I agree.

  Peter Banning : I want my children. For me, the stakes can be no higher.

  Captain Hook : And for me, sir, they can have sunk no lower AND I WANT MY WAR!

• Captain Hook : Do you know, Jack, it's a very special time when a pirate receives his first earring. Such a very very beautiful feeling. It's like the first time you run someone through with your blade.

• Captain Hook : Smee, I don't understand. Why doesn't he fly? He's a fop Peter Pan!

  Smee : He's Peter Pan, 'lright, Captain. He's just been away from Neverland so long, his mind's been gentrified. He's forgotten everything.

• Peter Banning : Somebody give me a hand.

  Captain Hook : I already have.

• Captain Hook : Ah! Broken clocks. Each one ticked its last tock - and now all is well.

• Smee : Imagine Pan's puss...

  Captain Hook : Yes.

  Smee : When he faces you.

  Captain Hook : Faces me.

  Smee : And his kids...

  Captain Hook : Yes.

  Smee : Standing beside you, ready to fight for the sleaziest sleaze of the seven seas, Captain James Hook. Captain, it's *beautiful*.

• Smee : We could make the little buggers love you.

  Captain Hook : No, Smee. No little children love me.

  Smee : Captain, that is the point.

  Captain Hook : What do you mean?

  Smee : That is the ultimate revenge.

  Captain Hook : What is?

  Smee : Pan's kids in love with Hook.

• Captain Hook : I'm ready for my nightcap.

  Smee : Abso-flogging-lutely. I think a bit of skulduggery would do you good. Take your mind off this Pan business. First thing tomorrow morning, we'll shoot some Indians out at Long Tom.

• Captain Hook : What is that I hear? A ticking! Smee, stop it! Stop the ticking! Stop it! Stop that "tick-tick"!

  Smee : There's no ticking here. There's nothing left to tick.

• Captain Hook : I need my bubbly. Give me my bubbly.

• Captain Hook : It's Peter Pan. Has it been three days? 'Tis true, Peter, time does fly. And so do you, I see.

• Captain Hook : How did you ever manage to fit into those smashing tights again, Peter?

• Peter Pan : Pan "The Avenger" is back.

  Captain Hook : And the Hook is waiting, Peter Pan.

• Captain Hook : [addressing the pirates]  Well, my stupid, sorry, parasitic sacks of entrails - revenge is mine.

  Tickles : Long live the Hook!

  Captain Hook : I baited that Hook and now I'm proud to announce: we have his children.

  Peter Banning : [disguised amongst the pirates, under his breath]  My God! Jack and Maggie.

  Captain Hook : Finally I'm going to kill Peter Pan - that cocky boy who cut off my hand and fed it to the crocodile!

• Captain Hook : Don't you love it, laddie? Once you've shed blood... it's hard to stop! It's a pirate's life, my lad!