Double, Double Toil and Trouble (1993 TV Movie)

Cloris Leachman: Aunt Agatha, Aunt Sofia

Photos 

Quotes 

• Aunt Agatha : Faster, faster! We're almost there. Then I'll throw you into the mirror, too. You'll never see your parents again or that mangy mutt of yours.

  Kelly Farmer : You are so cranky! Get a life!

• Aunt Agatha : [Mr. N holds the moonstone with his claws]  Remember before you offered to give me back the moonstone for $50,000? Well, it's a deal! I'll turn you back and give you the money.

  Oscar : I knew it! I knew he couldn't be trusted!

  Mr. N : It was a mistake, all right. No deal! I'm ashamed of myself for even thinking about betraying Lynn and Kelly, and sticking up for them is more important than money.

  Aunt Agatha : [Shocked]  You're turning me down?

  Mr. N : Right!

  Aunt Agatha : ...Even if it means being a crow for the rest of your life?

  Mr. N : Even if it means being a crow for the rest of my life!

  Aunt Agatha : Go get your shotgun, George. We're going crow-hunting!

  Mr. N : Hunt this, ugly!

  [flies out the window] 

  Aunt Agatha : Ahh!

• Aunt Agatha : [Aunt Agatha, George and Kelly arrive at the mansion]  I have Lynn!

  Kelly Farmer : I'm Kelly!

  Aunt Agatha : Oh, whoever. I have your sister! If you care about her, you'll give yourself up now!

  Kelly Farmer : Don't do it!

  Aunt Agatha : Gag her with a rune!

  Mr. N : Caw! What a witch.

• Aunt Agatha : [Examines a flat tire]  Looks like it was punctured by a... crow's beak. Oh! Stand back!

  [Tries to use Kelly's wand, but nothing happens] 

  Aunt Agatha : Oh what a phony.

  [Throws the wand aside, Kelly goes to retrieve it] 

  George : You were able to turn that man into a crow , madam.

  Aunt Agatha : That was easy. He was crooked to begin with. Without the moonstone, this requires muscles that I haven't used in years.

• Aunt Agatha : [searching for the twins, Oscar, and Mr. N]  Drat! Drat! Drat!

  [Turns to George] 

  Aunt Agatha : If we don't find them, I'm taking it out on you!

  George : I thought you might, ma'am.

  [Kelly and Mr. N are running, which gets Agatha's attention] 

  Aunt Agatha : There they go! After them! Follow them! Head them off and bring them back for their punishment! Ha ha ha!

• Mr. N : [Lynn makes a last stand towards Aunt Agatha]  Be careful, Lynn.

  Aunt Agatha : You're wearing my moonstone. Give it to me. I'll turn you into a snail.

  Lynn Farmer : Not! You can't hurt me as long as I'm wearing the moonstone

  Aunt Agatha : Sofia's been blabbing, has she? Look, dear, you and I don't have to be enemies huh? Do we?

  Lynn Farmer : No, we don't. If you let Kelly go, and Aunt Sofia...

  Aunt Agatha : Wait wait wait wait. I have a better idea. I know you're different from your sister. You're... You're special.

  Lynn Farmer : What do you mean?

  Aunt Agatha : Well, I mean you're tired of being a twin, aren't you?

  Lynn Farmer : Yeah. But...

  Aunt Agatha : Oh. I know what that's like, dear, having to share everything, or having people get you all mixed up together.

  Lynn Farmer : Well...

  Aunt Agatha : You and I could possess the moonstone together.

  Lynn Farmer : [Looks over to Kelly, who's currently being held by George]  But what about Kelly?

  Aunt Agatha : Oh, all she does is get in the way. We'll put her with Aunt Sofia on the other side of the mirror. And then you won't be a twin anymore, think of it! Ha ha ha!

  Lynn Farmer : [Thinks for 10 seconds]  No!

  Oscar : That's telling her!

  Gravedigger : Yeah!

  Aunt Agatha : I tried to be nice!

  Kelly Farmer : That'll be the day.

  Aunt Agatha : [to Kelly]  Quiet!

  [George covers Kelly's mouth with his hand] 

  Aunt Agatha : George, didn't I try to be nice?

  [George nods] 

  Aunt Agatha : But no more Mr. Nice Guy! I can't cast a spell on you. But your sister isn't wearing the moonstone.

  Lynn Farmer : Don't turn her into anything! Don't hurt her!

  Aunt Agatha : I'll offer you a straight exchange.

  [Kelly bites George's hand] 

  Aunt Agatha : If you give me the moonstone, I'll let both of you go.

  Kelly Farmer : [George struggles to keep Kelly quiet]  Don't do it, Lynn! She's a liar!

  Aunt Agatha : It's your choice, Lynn! George, bring Kelly closer so I can start saying a spell.

  Lynn Farmer : No! I'll do it. But you have to promise to let everyone go.

  Mr. N : Me too!

  Lynn Farmer : And turn Mr. N back into a person.

  Aunt Agatha : All right. I promise.

  Lynn Farmer : Cross your heart.

  Aunt Agatha : Cross my heart.

  Lynn Farmer : Hope to die.

  Aunt Agatha : Hope to die.

  Lynn Farmer : Stick a needle in your eye,

  [Shakes] 

  Lynn Farmer : Shake your bottom if you got 'em.

  Aunt Agatha : Stick a needle in your bottom... Oh, just hand it over!

  Lynn Farmer : First let Kelly go.

  Aunt Agatha : First hand it over.

  Lynn Farmer : You go first.

  Aunt Agatha : You go first.

  Lynn Farmer : You go first.

  Aunt Agatha : You go first. Oh, for goodness sake! Just put the moonstone down here on the floor! George, when the moonstone is on the floor, let that Kelly girl go. And then I'll turn back Mr. N and then we'll call it a night.

• Oscar : [Hiding from Aunt Agatha and her mob]  I got it. Who wants to take care of it?

  Mr. N : Well, why don't I take it?

  Oscar : Why you?

  Mr. N : I'm the biggest.

  Oscar : I don't think so. How will we know you're not gonna run off with it?

  Mr. N : Oscar, no trust. That is what is wrong with the world today. Anyway, how do we know that YOU won't run off with it?

  Lynn Farmer : Will you two cut it out? They're coming. I'll take it.

  Kelly Farmer : What will we do?

  Oscar : I think we should split up.

  Lynn Farmer : No, we should stay together.

  Oscar : It's our only chance we have of getting away. Lynn and I will go this way, you two go that way.

  Mr. N : Oh, sure. You go with the twin that has the moonstone.

  Aunt Agatha : [Off-screen]  Over this way! By the cars!

  Oscar : Once we've lost them, we'll all meet up again at the Oscarmobile, OK? Come on!

  Lynn Farmer : Good luck, Kelly!

  Kelly Farmer : Good luck, Lynn!

  [They hug each other] 

  Mr. N : Touching, but could we get a move on? Go!

  [the twins separate, look at each other, and salute each other for good luck] 

• Mr. N : [Kelly and Mr. N are being chased by Aunt Agatha and the mob]  Up there! Up there!

  Kelly Farmer : What if it's a dead end?

  Mr. N : It's not, trust me.

  [Runs up the hill] 

  Kelly Farmer : It's a dead end. Read the sign.

  [Points to a Dead End sign] 

  Aunt Agatha : You've run into a dead end!

  Kelly Farmer : [Points upstairs]  This way!

  Aunt Agatha : How convenient! Ha ha ha ha ha!

  Mr. N : [Kelly and Mr. N climb upstairs]  Hurry! Hurry!

  [They enter inside the building] 

  Mr. N : Good, we'll be safe in here... wherever we are.

  Aunt Agatha : [shouting from outside]  You're trapped in there!

  Mr. N : She doesn't know where we are.

  Aunt Agatha : We're watching the stairway, and we're watching the elevator! Give yourselves up now!

  Mr. N : I have a plan!

  Kelly Farmer : This ought to be good.

  Mr. N : Do you want to hear it or not?

  Kelly Farmer : Yes.

  Mr. N : OK.

  [They both sit down] 

  Mr. N : I'll go down and tell her that we haven't got the moonstone, and that Lynn and Oscar have it, and they're gonna throw it off the bridge so that it can't do any more harm.

  Kelly Farmer : Even if she believes that, she still won't let us go.

  Mr. N : Ah, but you're not reckoning with the persuasive charms of the silver-tongued Mr. N.

  [Mr. N exits while Kelly stays back and locks the door] 

• Aunt Agatha : [Snapping her fingers, trying to get Sofia to appear]  Let's go, let's go.

  [Walking back and forth] 

  Aunt Agatha : Come on. Come on, where are you?

  Aunt Sofia : [Appears]  They've come, haven't they? I knew they'd come someday.

  Aunt Agatha : Don't get your hopes up, goody-two-shoes.

  Aunt Sofia : But...

  Aunt Agatha : No buts. Tomorrow night at midnight, it'll be seven years since I banished you. Ha ha ha.

  Aunt Sofia : Oh!

  Aunt Agatha : The big seven, and the spell becomes permanent. Heh heh heh. I'm going to drip bat's blood and sealing wax on this mirror and bury it. I have a nice grave all ready. Ha ha ha ha ha!

  [Sips her drink] 

  Aunt Sofia : You really enjoy being evil, don't you?

  Aunt Agatha : It's the best. Heh heh heh.

  [Sips again, Sofia disappears] 

• [Running from Aunt Agatha and the gatherers] 

  Lynn Farmer : I hate this!

  Kelly Farmer : You were the one that didn't want to tell Mom and Dad!

  Aunt Agatha : Seize those twins!

  Oscar : Hurry! They're right behind us!

• Christine Farmer : Aunt Agatha, I'm going to be honest with you. Don's construction business isn't going very well.

  Don Farmer : Well...

  Christine Farmer : [Cuts him off]  He's very good at what he does.

  Aunt Agatha : I'll bet.

  Christine Farmer : But, with the recession, a lot of people haven't been able to pay him what they owe.

  Aunt Agatha : [Turns to Christine and Don]  So?

  Christine Farmer : So, we need your help. The bank is threatening to foreclose on our house.

  Don Farmer : Look, we're just asking for a loan, not a gift. Just until I pay the money...

  Aunt Agatha : I knew it! I knew you had a selfish reason for you to come crawling around here!

  [Walks over and gets in Don's face] 

  Aunt Agatha : Oh! It's take, take, take!

  Don Farmer : [Tries to get up]  Now...

  Christine Farmer : [Sits Don back down]  That's not fair!

  [a long pause] 

  Christine Farmer : All we have ever gotten from you in the last seven years is rejection and abuse!

  Aunt Agatha : If you think that's rejection and abuse, you ain't seen nothing yet!

  George : I took the liberty of preparing some tea.

  Aunt Agatha : Drop it!

  [George drops the tray, glass breaks] 

  Aunt Agatha : Now take the liberty of showing these beggars to the door. They're out of here.

  Aunt Agatha : [Agatha's cat screeches loudly]  Aah! My cat!

  [Pulls Christine from behind and throws her to Don, he catches her] 

  Aunt Agatha : My cat! Aah!

  [Agatha runs outside, Christine and Don follow. George grabs the tray and walks outside a few seconds later] 

• Aunt Agatha : [Aunt Agatha is shocked to see Lynn and Kelly as twins]  You never said you had twins.

  Christine Farmer : When did you ever give us the chance?

  Aunt Agatha : Get off my street right now!

  Lynn Farmer : [the twins run to the car]  Come on, Norman!

  Don Farmer : Don't you yell at my daughters!

  Aunt Agatha : [Turns to face Don]  Get out now! And take that mutt and those brats of yours with you! I'm warning you...

  Don Farmer : ...Gladly. Girls, we're going!

• Aunt Agatha : Trying doesn't bring home the bat wings does it? Remember my cat?

  Kelly Farmer : Yes.

  Aunt Agatha : I've decided to turn each of you into a little mouse and sic my cat on you! Wouldn't that be amusing?

  Lynn Farmer : No!

  Aunt Agatha : No sense of humor?

• Aunt Sofia : Kelly, are you in there? It's Aunt Sofia! Are you all right? Your sister has saved me!

  Kelly Farmer : [Cracks the door open]  What happened?

  Aunt Sofia : Oh! Lynn and Oscar came to the house and used the moonstone to free me!

  Kelly Farmer : Where's Mr. N?

  Aunt Sofia : Mr... Oh! Oh, your friend! Oh! Well, he was so glad that this was all over that he "flew", he "fled", he rushed off!

  Kelly Farmer : And where's Lynn and Oscar?

  Aunt Sofia : Oh, everybody's all safe and sound. Let's hurry, I decided to give your parents the loan so you won't lose the house.

  Kelly Farmer : That's great! Now you can be part of our family!

  Aunt Sofia : Nothing could make me happier. Come on down. Hurry up.

  [Kelly hides and thinks for a moment. She has a 'Something's not right' look on her face] 

  Kelly Farmer : [Reappears]  And then you and Mom and Lynn and me can all bake your favorite cookies!

  Aunt Sofia : Yes, that's right!

  [Kelly hides again, realizing that it's not Aunt Sofia. She nods as she comes up with an idea] 

  Kelly Farmer : Because Mom tells me how much you love chocolate chip cookies!

  Aunt Sofia : Chocolate chip, my favorite! Are you coming down?

  Kelly Farmer : I'm scared, it's too dark!

  Aunt Sofia : Then I'll come up.

  Kelly Farmer : Could you?

  Aunt Sofia : No problem.

  Kelly Farmer : And I'll open the door.

  Aunt Sofia : I'm on my way.

  [Aunt Sofia climbs up the stairs] 

  Aunt Sofia : Here I come.

  Kelly Farmer : [Prepares her wand]  I can hardly wait!

  Aunt Sofia : Me neither. Ha ha...

  [Gets closer to the door. Kelly then traps her hands between the door lock and wand] 

  Aunt Sofia : Kelly, What's going on? What are you... what's happening?

  Kelly Farmer : You're not Aunt Sofia! Her favorite cookies were cinnamon, not chocolate chip!

  [She runs] 

  Aunt Agatha : [Disguise broken]  I don't care if it's fudge and fly droppings!

  [Struggles to break free] 

  Aunt Agatha : Oh, let me out of this! Oh! What's happened to my magic?

  Kelly Farmer : [fleeing]  Mr. N!

  [Runs up the stairs] 

  Kelly Farmer : Mr. N!

  Mr. N : [Outside, as a crow, senses trouble]  Uh-oh!

  Kelly Farmer : [Still running, sees someone she assumes is Mr. N in the shadows downstairs, excited and relieved]  Mr. N, Mr. N, Guess what! I trapped Aunt Agatha!

  [the man in the shadows turns out to be George. He picks Kelly up and shakes her, she screams loudly] 

• Kelly Farmer : [Lynn is ready to give up the moonstone]  Wait, don't do it! Run! Save yourself!

  Aunt Agatha : George!

  Lynn Farmer : But I can't let her hurt you!

  [Comes downstairs and lays the moonstone at Agatha's feet] 

• Aunt Agatha : [Don and Christine enter the living room]  Yes?

  Christine Farmer : Aunt Agatha. It's Christine... your niece.

  Aunt Agatha : I know who you are. What do you want?

  Christine Farmer : Could we talk to you for just a minute?

  Aunt Agatha : If you must.

• Aunt Agatha : [Gravedigger nervously awaits for his payment, Agatha pulls out a dollar bill]  Have you finished the task?

  [Gives him the dollar but still holds on] 

  Aunt Agatha : But not before telling those little twin girls something to which they shouldn't be privy?

  Gravedigger : I... I...

  Aunt Agatha : Don't try! Your days, pitiful and pathetic as they are, shall be numbered!

  [the Gravedigger runs away scared] 

  Aunt Agatha : If I ever see your stupid, shriveled face again, I'll use it as an oil rag!

  [Walks back inside] 

  Aunt Agatha : George, pour me a bath! Make it good and cold!

• Aunt Agatha : [Aunt Agatha double-crosses Lynn]  The little sucker actually believed me. Hee hee hee hee!

  Lynn Farmer : But you crossed your heart!

  Aunt Agatha : But that doesn't count. I don't have a heart. Hee hee hee hee hee hee!

  Mr. N : But I do!

  [Flies down] 

  Mr. N : [Kelly escapes from George] 

  Lynn Farmer : Kelly, quick! Up the stairs!

  Mr. N : [Grabs the moonstone]  Moonstone, coming up!

  Lynn Farmer : Oh!

  Oscar : Good job!

• Aunt Agatha : [Mr. N comes out of hiding]  So, you decided to give yourself up, eh? Where's the brat?

  Mr. N : I'm not giving up. I am negotiating.

  Aunt Agatha : What are you talking about?

  Mr. N : [Walks downstairs]  Here's the deal, toots, now, you want the moonstone back, right?

  Aunt Agatha : It is mine!

  Mr. N : Fine. But Kelly and I don't have it. Lynn and Oscar have it. But, if you give me a large reward and promise not to hurt the girls, I will help you get the moonstone back. That will keep them from lifting the spell on sweet ol' Aunt Sofia.

  [Stops walking] 

  Mr. N : How does $50,000 sound?

  Aunt Agatha : I don't need you. You're nothing but a duplicitous twerp, a vituperative snark!

  Mr. N : I'm sorry you feel that way... You drive a hard bargain. I respect that.

  [Thinks for a second] 

  Mr. N : $25,000 and not a penny less!

  Aunt Agatha : You're starting to irritate me.

  Mr. N : $10,000 and that is my final offer!

  Aunt Agatha : Why don't I give you my final offer?

  Mr. N : I'm all ears.

  [Aunt Agatha uses her magic to turn Mr.N into a crow] 

  Mr. N : Caw! Caw! No, I'm all feathers! Caw! Caw!

  [Agatha laughs] 

  Mr. N : Lady, I would of settled for 20 bucks!

  Aunt Agatha : Go find a flock and get lost!

  Mr. N : [Flies away]  You're crazy, lady!

  [Agatha continues to laugh evilly] 

  Kelly Farmer : [Looks through the door]  Mr. N! Mr. N!

  [Closes the door, now worried] 

• Aunt Agatha : If they come anywhere near this house, I'll take care of them too! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

• [Lynn and Kelly clean up the remains of the shattered mirror, last lines] 

  Aunt Agatha : Help me!

  [the girls pick up a big piece of the mirror to see it's Aunt Agatha] 

  Aunt Agatha : I know you will help me.

  Kelly Farmer , Lynn Farmer : [Together]  No chance.

  [They dump the mirror piece in the bucket and walk out together holding hands] 

  Aunt Agatha : I hate Halloween...

• Aunt Agatha : [On the way to the witches' gathering]  Step on it, I don't want to be late!

  George : We're already exceeding the recommended speed limit, madam.

  Aunt Agatha : Silence! I want you to drive faster!

  George : I assume you want me pause at the red lights?

  Aunt Agatha : Do I pay you to assume things?

  George : No, madam. In fact, you pay me nothing.

  Aunt Agatha : And you get what you pay for. Now shut up and drive! I'll worry about the red lights.

  [Uses her magic to sabotage the traffic lights] 

  Aunt Agatha : Heh heh heh heh heh.

• Aunt Agatha : Sit down. Over there.

  [Don and Christine sit down] 

  Christine Farmer : I knew that if I'd called, you wouldn't have wanted us to come.

  Aunt Agatha : You're right. Why did you?

  Christine Farmer : Well, it's been seven years since I've actually seen you. Ever since Aunt Sofia left.

  [Grabs a picture frame that shows Aunt Sofia and Aunt Agatha together] 

  Christine Farmer : I know it must have been very upsetting for you when she left.

  Aunt Agatha : Upsetting? Ha ha ha! I'm loving it! Good riddance, I say! Ha ha ha ha ha!

  Christine Farmer : But I have never understood how you could just cut off contact with everybody like that. You barely know Don. You never even met our girls. We're family.

  Aunt Agatha : Family? Family is just strangers who happen to be related

  Don Farmer : [Faking a smile]  I'm so glad we came.

  [Christine elbows Don] 

• Aunt Agatha : [to Kelly]  I'll boil the two of you in oil, before I banish you forever. Ha ha ha ha ha!

  Aunt Agatha : [to George]  Faster!

• Aunt Agatha : They're coming to the gathering. Wonderful! Soon I'll have those two little girls right where I want them. Ha ha ha ha ha!

• [Aunt Agatha has forced the Farmers to leave] 

  Aunt Agatha : And never come back! You hear me? Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.

• George : There's someone at the door, madam.

  Aunt Agatha : Duh!

  George : Should I answer it, madam?

  Aunt Agatha : No, I'll answer it. You sit here and be filthy rich.

  [He gets the sarcasm and closes the door] 

• [Lynn and Kelly run upstairs to the attic to free Aunt Sofia] 

  Aunt Agatha : Stop them! Stop them! Come back here, you little pip-squeaks! Come back here! Do you hear me? Come back here! I'm waiting for you!

• [Searching for Aunt Sofia] 

  Aunt Sofia : [Loudly off-screen]  Help me!

  Lynn Farmer : Aunt Sofia? Aunt Sofia.

  Aunt Sofia : [Off-screen]  Help me!

  [Lynn flips the hallway lights on, continues to search around] 

  Lynn Farmer : Sofia.

  Aunt Sofia : [Off-screen]  Help me!

  Lynn Farmer : Aunt Sofia.

  [She turns on the lights to another hallway] 

  Aunt Sofia : [Off-screen]  I'm in the attic!

  [Lynn opens the door that leads to the attic] 

  Aunt Sofia : I'm in the attic!

  Lynn Farmer : Quick! Up here!

  [She runs upstairs] 

• Aunt Agatha : My colleagues, gatherers, comrades... Count?

  [a man solutes to Agatha] 

  Aunt Agatha : Um, before I begin our convolution and the cry of curses, let me first mention an emergency that I see as a juicy challenge for the entire group, one I think you will enjoy helping me to solve. Seven years ago, I cast a powerful spell, a spell that banished my sweet, namby-pamby twin sister to a life of lonely isolation on the other side of a mirror.

  [the crowd applause] 

  Aunt Agatha : Naughty me.

  Witch #3 : She's good. She is very good.

  Mr. N : Oscar, let's go. I have an idea.

  Aunt Agatha : Tonight at midnight, the spell becomes permanent.

  Oscar : Come on. Follow me.

  [They leave] 

  Aunt Agatha : But, there are those who would interfere with my spell, who seek to undo all my bad work. The ones who resist me are very young.

  Witch #2 : Kids these days have no respect.

  Witch #3 : Children are sick!

  Aunt Agatha : The ones that resist me are sisters, a set of twins. And why have I asked you to help me?

  Witch #2 : [Along with the rest of the crowd]  Why? Why?

  Kelly Farmer : Why?

  Aunt Agatha : Because the twins are here, among us!

  Lynn Farmer : I'd like to get my hands on those twins.

  Kelly Farmer : Those little BRATS!

• Aunt Sofia : [Freed from the mirror]  I'm back!

  [Hugs Lynn and Kelly as they giggle with joy] 

  Aunt Agatha : [Shocked]  How can this be? It's after midnight!

  Lynn Farmer : No, it's not! I pushed the clock ahead by five minutes!

  Aunt Agatha : You sneaky, despicable, underhanded...

  Lynn Farmer : No sense of humor?

  Kelly Farmer : Your witching days are over!

  George : [Confused]  Where am I?

  Aunt Agatha : It is not midnight yet, there's still time!