Double, Double Toil and Trouble (1993 TV Movie)
Ashley Olsen: Lynn Farmer, Young Aunt Agatha
Photos
Quotes
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Kelly Farmer : Remember when fairy tales used to keep me awake?
Lynn Farmer : Yeah.
Kelly Farmer : Well, if we get out of this I'll be awake until I'm 21!
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Kelly Farmer : [Gravedigger sees Norman the dog and screams] He won't hurt you.
Gravedigger : Who said that?
Kelly Farmer : Me.
Gravedigger : Oh.
Lynn Farmer : Yeah, that's just Norman, he wouldn't hurt anybody.
Gravedigger : But... you were over there!
Kelly Farmer : No, that was me.
Gravedigger : [Screams] You're at two places at the same time!
Lynn Farmer : We're twins, silly.
Gravedigger : Oh... ohh... twins! Oh, twins!
Kelly Farmer : Do you drink a lot of coffee?
Lynn Farmer : You might want to switch to decaf.
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Lynn Farmer : Cross your heart... hope to die... stick a needle in your eye, shake your bottom if you got 'em.
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Mr. N : [while traveling in a pumpkin truck, Lynn notices something wrong and wakes up Mr. N] He's turned off the road we need to be on! No! No! You're going the wrong way! We've got to get off.
Kelly Farmer : Not until he stops!
Lynn Farmer : No way!
Kelly Farmer , Lynn Farmer : [Mr. N gets up; the twins lean towards each other, together] Way!
Mr. N : [Appears in front of the driver's window] Excuse me, dude... Whew!
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Kelly Farmer : [Kelly and Lynn begin their adventure to rescue Aunt Sofia] Where do you have a witches' gathering?
Lynn Farmer : Hollywood?
Kelly Farmer : Nah. Someplace spooky. Maybe we can find someone who knows. I'll toss a penny. If it comes up heads, we'll keep going in that direction.
[Kelly tosses up the penny, but it goes over the bridge hitting someone]
Mr. N : Hey! You could kill somebody like that! Unless, of course, it was a silver dollar. Then you'd be forgiven. Ha ha ha.
[Walks under the bridge]
Kelly Farmer : Where's he going?
Lynn Farmer : Under the bridge.
[the twins cross to the other side of the bridge]
Lynn Farmer : What are you doing down there?
Mr. N : This is my... humble home. Heh heh heh.
Kelly Farmer : If you had a door, we would've knocked first!
Lynn Farmer : Ha ha. If you're homeless, there's a new place downtown that can help you! I saw it on the news!
Mr. N : Who are you two supposed to be? Dear Abby and Ann Landers? Ha ha. I... don't want a handout. I want to be rich. No! Not just rich. I want to be... filthy rich! Ha ha ha ha ha.
Kelly Farmer , Lynn Farmer : [laughing together] Hee hee hee.
Mr. N : Ramone, bring the Ferrari around. I think I'll drive myself today. Ho ho ho! Lots of money and wonderful things. I want planes and houses, a house on the islands. I need... new shoes. Yes! Yes!
[Stops for a moment]
Mr. N : Wait a minute... blonde. Two young blonde... oh, yes! I think I remember.
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Mr. N : [Lynn makes a last stand towards Aunt Agatha] Be careful, Lynn.
Aunt Agatha : You're wearing my moonstone. Give it to me. I'll turn you into a snail.
Lynn Farmer : Not! You can't hurt me as long as I'm wearing the moonstone
Aunt Agatha : Sofia's been blabbing, has she? Look, dear, you and I don't have to be enemies huh? Do we?
Lynn Farmer : No, we don't. If you let Kelly go, and Aunt Sofia...
Aunt Agatha : Wait wait wait wait. I have a better idea. I know you're different from your sister. You're... You're special.
Lynn Farmer : What do you mean?
Aunt Agatha : Well, I mean you're tired of being a twin, aren't you?
Lynn Farmer : Yeah. But...
Aunt Agatha : Oh. I know what that's like, dear, having to share everything, or having people get you all mixed up together.
Lynn Farmer : Well...
Aunt Agatha : You and I could possess the moonstone together.
Lynn Farmer : [Looks over to Kelly, who's currently being held by George] But what about Kelly?
Aunt Agatha : Oh, all she does is get in the way. We'll put her with Aunt Sofia on the other side of the mirror. And then you won't be a twin anymore, think of it! Ha ha ha!
Lynn Farmer : [Thinks for 10 seconds] No!
Oscar : That's telling her!
Gravedigger : Yeah!
Aunt Agatha : I tried to be nice!
Kelly Farmer : That'll be the day.
Aunt Agatha : [to Kelly] Quiet!
[George covers Kelly's mouth with his hand]
Aunt Agatha : George, didn't I try to be nice?
[George nods]
Aunt Agatha : But no more Mr. Nice Guy! I can't cast a spell on you. But your sister isn't wearing the moonstone.
Lynn Farmer : Don't turn her into anything! Don't hurt her!
Aunt Agatha : I'll offer you a straight exchange.
[Kelly bites George's hand]
Aunt Agatha : If you give me the moonstone, I'll let both of you go.
Kelly Farmer : [George struggles to keep Kelly quiet] Don't do it, Lynn! She's a liar!
Aunt Agatha : It's your choice, Lynn! George, bring Kelly closer so I can start saying a spell.
Lynn Farmer : No! I'll do it. But you have to promise to let everyone go.
Mr. N : Me too!
Lynn Farmer : And turn Mr. N back into a person.
Aunt Agatha : All right. I promise.
Lynn Farmer : Cross your heart.
Aunt Agatha : Cross my heart.
Lynn Farmer : Hope to die.
Aunt Agatha : Hope to die.
Lynn Farmer : Stick a needle in your eye,
[Shakes]
Lynn Farmer : Shake your bottom if you got 'em.
Aunt Agatha : Stick a needle in your bottom... Oh, just hand it over!
Lynn Farmer : First let Kelly go.
Aunt Agatha : First hand it over.
Lynn Farmer : You go first.
Aunt Agatha : You go first.
Lynn Farmer : You go first.
Aunt Agatha : You go first. Oh, for goodness sake! Just put the moonstone down here on the floor! George, when the moonstone is on the floor, let that Kelly girl go. And then I'll turn back Mr. N and then we'll call it a night.
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Oscar : [Hiding from Aunt Agatha and her mob] I got it. Who wants to take care of it?
Mr. N : Well, why don't I take it?
Oscar : Why you?
Mr. N : I'm the biggest.
Oscar : I don't think so. How will we know you're not gonna run off with it?
Mr. N : Oscar, no trust. That is what is wrong with the world today. Anyway, how do we know that YOU won't run off with it?
Lynn Farmer : Will you two cut it out? They're coming. I'll take it.
Kelly Farmer : What will we do?
Oscar : I think we should split up.
Lynn Farmer : No, we should stay together.
Oscar : It's our only chance we have of getting away. Lynn and I will go this way, you two go that way.
Mr. N : Oh, sure. You go with the twin that has the moonstone.
Aunt Agatha : [Off-screen] Over this way! By the cars!
Oscar : Once we've lost them, we'll all meet up again at the Oscarmobile, OK? Come on!
Lynn Farmer : Good luck, Kelly!
Kelly Farmer : Good luck, Lynn!
[They hug each other]
Mr. N : Touching, but could we get a move on? Go!
[the twins separate, look at each other, and salute each other for good luck]
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Mr. N : What's shaking, man?
Gravedigger : Ahh! Oh!
[Falls backwards to garbage bags]
Lynn Farmer : [Goes to grab Gravedigger from escaping] Oh, no you don't.
[Pulls Gravedigger back to the Oscarmobile]
Mr. N : How do you do? Plato Naufzagger. Stay cool. I''m not really a bird. Nice place you've got here.
Gravedigger : A talking crow?
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Lynn Farmer : [Lynn, Oscar, and Gravedigger try to enter Agatha's mansion] I guess since she's my aunt, I should go first?
Gravedigger : Yeah.
Lynn Farmer : [Lynn walks to the door as Oscar and Gravedigger wait. She tries unsuccessfully to turn the knob] It's locked.
Oscar : Let's go around back.
Gravedigger : Let's go bowling.
[Oscar threatens Gravedigger]
Gravedigger : OK,OK.
[They go around back]
Oscar : [Oscar tries to open the door] It's locked. She may be mean, but she ain't stupid.
Lynn Farmer : We can't give up.
Oscar : I have an idea, come on.
[They run far away from the mansion to get a better look]
Oscar : I think there's only one way to get in.
Lynn Farmer : You mean that window up there that's open?
Oscar : You got it!
Gravedigger : Yeah, but how do we get up there?
Oscar : To the Oscarmobile, quick!
[Lynn and Oscar run while Gravedigger falls behind]
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[Running from Aunt Agatha and the gatherers]
Lynn Farmer : I hate this!
Kelly Farmer : You were the one that didn't want to tell Mom and Dad!
Aunt Agatha : Seize those twins!
Oscar : Hurry! They're right behind us!
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Aunt Agatha : [Aunt Agatha is shocked to see Lynn and Kelly as twins] You never said you had twins.
Christine Farmer : When did you ever give us the chance?
Aunt Agatha : Get off my street right now!
Lynn Farmer : [the twins run to the car] Come on, Norman!
Don Farmer : Don't you yell at my daughters!
Aunt Agatha : [Turns to face Don] Get out now! And take that mutt and those brats of yours with you! I'm warning you...
Don Farmer : ...Gladly. Girls, we're going!
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Aunt Agatha : Trying doesn't bring home the bat wings does it? Remember my cat?
Kelly Farmer : Yes.
Aunt Agatha : I've decided to turn each of you into a little mouse and sic my cat on you! Wouldn't that be amusing?
Lynn Farmer : No!
Aunt Agatha : No sense of humor?
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Mr. N : [Exiting out of Madame Lulu's business] We have a long way to go. But here's our bus.
Lynn Farmer : A pumpkin truck?
Mr. N : Ha Ha! Keep a lookout.
[Mr. N helps the twins sneak into the back of the truck and then gets in himself]
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Mr. N : [as a crow] Look here! Whoa!
Oscar : It's one of Agatha's minions!
Mr. N : Chill man. It's me. This is not a trick.
Lynn Farmer : [Shocked] Mr. N?
Mr. N : Yeah! Can you get to this? I've been dissed big time!
Lynn Farmer : What happened? Did Aunt Agatha do this to you?
Mr. N : Yeah. Even without the moonstone, that old witch has got a whole mess of magic. Talk about sick. I'm hungry, anybody got a worm?
Lynn Farmer : Where's Kelly? Did she get away?
Mr. N : No. They grabbed her and they're taking her back to Agatha's house. But they're going to be delayed a little. Hee ha hee hee.
-
Kelly Farmer : Thanks for trying to save my life.
[Lynn and Kelly look into each other's eyes]
Kelly Farmer : I love you.
Lynn Farmer : I love you too. And you know what, I don't really mind being twins.
Kelly Farmer : Me neither, it makes both of us special. And I don't care if people make dumb jokes about us. Or if Mom dresses us alike. I'll always learn to be a twin sister no matter what.
Lynn Farmer : I'll always want to be your twin sister too.
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Lynn Farmer : [Finding out that Kelly's been captured] They caught her! I don't want them to hurt her! She's my sister!
Oscar : Now, now...
Lynn Farmer : [Nearly in tears] Oscar, I haven't been very nice to Kelly lately. We've never been apart. I bet she's scared and I'm not there to tell her it's OK.
Oscar : Come on, we got to be brave.
Lynn Farmer : I know. But we don't know how to get to Aunt Agatha's. We can't free Aunt Sofia and we can't help Kelly.
Oscar : You just can't give up.
Mr. N : That's right.
Oscar : Look.
[shows Lynn a clock on a billboard]
Oscar : We still have a half-hour until midnight.
Lynn Farmer : That's it! Mr. Gravedigger! He'll know how to get there!
Oscar : Yeah, but where is he?
Lynn Farmer : He says he lived where the sun always shines and it never gets dark!
Mr. N : I can fly to Vegas, place a few bets, catch Siegfried and Roy.
Oscar : You mean the Gravedigger lives in Las Vegas?
Lynn Farmer : [Points to the billboard] No. I think he lives right there!
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Kelly Farmer : [Lynn is ready to give up the moonstone] Wait, don't do it! Run! Save yourself!
Aunt Agatha : George!
Lynn Farmer : But I can't let her hurt you!
[Comes downstairs and lays the moonstone at Agatha's feet]
-
Lynn Farmer : Mom, when I'm older can I get a nose job?
Don Farmer : What?
Christine Farmer : What's wrong with your nose?
Lynn Farmer : Nothing. But then we just won't look like twins anymore. Then again, can Kelly have a nose job?
Kelly Farmer : I don't want a nose job.
Christine Farmer : [Relieved] Good
Kelly Farmer : I want a tattoo.
Don Farmer : What?
Christine Farmer : Being twins is a wonderful thing. It's very special.
Lynn Farmer : Mom, is there a curse on that house?
Don Farmer : There's certainly a curse in that house.
Christine Farmer : Don! Why do you ask that, sweetheart?
Lynn Farmer : Because the gravedigger said so.
Christine Farmer : Gravediggers and curses? Girls, Halloween isn't until tomorrow night.
Kelly Farmer : Is Aunt Agatha really a witch?
Don Farmer : Oh, you bet she is.
Lynn Farmer , Kelly Farmer : [Together] She is a witch.
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Lynn Farmer : [Norman the dog is barking at Agatha's cat] Norman, leave that cat alone!
Kelly Farmer : Norman, get out of there!
Don Farmer : Kids, get away from that cat!
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Lynn Farmer : [Leaving the forest] Look! There's a house!
[the fog clears, revealing a very small house]
Mr. N : You see, I knew that that house was there.
Lynn Farmer : Give me a break.
Kelly Farmer : [Observing the house ahead of them] Looks like a really little house.
Mr. N : [while walking towards the house] No, no, no, no. You see, it only looks small because it's so far off in the distance. It's called a perspective effect. We have quite a hike ahead of us.
[They get closer to the house in 10 seconds. Mr. N opens the gate]
Mr. N : I guess it's not the perspective effect after all.
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Aunt Agatha : [Aunt Agatha double-crosses Lynn] The little sucker actually believed me. Hee hee hee hee!
Lynn Farmer : But you crossed your heart!
Aunt Agatha : But that doesn't count. I don't have a heart. Hee hee hee hee hee hee!
Mr. N : But I do!
[Flies down]
Mr. N : [Kelly escapes from George]
Lynn Farmer : Kelly, quick! Up the stairs!
Mr. N : [Grabs the moonstone] Moonstone, coming up!
Lynn Farmer : Oh!
Oscar : Good job!
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Lynn Farmer : [the twins and Norman the dog wait in the car] Abracadabra.
[the wand flies out the window]
Lynn Farmer : Kelly, wake up!
Kelly Farmer : What?
Lynn Farmer : The wand just flew out of my hand.
Kelly Farmer : Sure.
Lynn Farmer : Come on!
[They exit the car]
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Lynn Farmer : [Explaining their agenda to rescue Aunt Sofia] And so, we have to break the magic spell by midnight.
Oscar : This could be a fantastic adventure! Not without risk, of course. But what great adventure isn't? We have no time to lose.
Mr. N : [Outside Oscar's window] Ladies, I find parts of that story rather hard to believe
Oscar : [Looks up at Mr.N , somewhat agreeing. Turns to the twins] The problem is that as people get bigger, their imaginations get smaller.
Kelly Farmer : You mean you'll take us to the gathering?
Oscar : Of course I will! But we have to be prepared.
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Lynn Farmer : [Lynn, Oscar, Gravedigger and Mr. N search for Aunt Sofia] She said she was trapped in a mirror. Spread out!
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Pumpkin Driver : [Mr.N has caused the pumpkin truck to crash. He grabs the twins and tries to act natural, but no luck] Hey! My pumpkins!
Mr. N : [Begins to run] Run! Run!
Pumpkin Driver : [Chases after the girls and Mr.N] Come back here!
Mr. N : Quickly! Run!
Lynn Farmer : Let's get out of here!
Kelly Farmer : I'm with you!
Mr. N : Run!
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Mr. N : [after losing the pumpkin-truck driver] You girls are really fast. I have trouble keeping up with you.
[Lynn hums a tune while the group walks in the forest]
Mr. N : Heh, I think we've lost him.
Lynn Farmer : And us.
Kelly Farmer : I feel bad about that poor man and his pumpkins.
Mr. N : Of course. I will compensate him and I will earn his possible opportunity.
Kelly Farmer : Which way do we go?
Mr. N : Well uh... hmm...
Lynn Farmer : We're lost, aren't we?
Mr. N : Don't be silly. We're uh... hmm...
Kelly Farmer : We know where we are. We just don't know where everything else is.
[Makes "Oh well" expression]
Lynn Farmer : Let's try this way.
[They continue to walk]
Kelly Farmer : Did you know that on Halloween goblins roam the land?
Lynn Farmer : And ghosts and witches and ilk?
Mr. N : Oh, this is just silly superstition. Ha ha ha.
[an owl hoots in the distance]
Mr. N : Aah! Don't hurt me! What was that?
Lynn Farmer : I think that was just an owl.
Mr. N : Oh! Of course it was. I was only testing you.
Lynn Farmer : Maybe you should go ahead and make sure nothing's there.
Mr. N : Me?
Lynn Farmer : You're the adult.
Mr. N : [Reluctant] I got half of mind to go back to my bridge.
Kelly Farmer : But I thought you were gonna help us get the moonstone.
Mr. N : About this moonstone; now, is this one of those... teeny-weeny, little gems?
Lynn Farmer : Big!
Kelly Farmer : Humongous!
Mr. N : [Trying not to act scared] Ha ha ha ha ha! I was just kidding! Ha ha ha! Of course, I would never leave you two on your own.
Lynn Farmer : [to Kelly] We're in big trouble.
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Customer : So exactly when does this beautiful woman fall in love with me?
Madame Lulu : Any day now darling. Any day now.
Mr. N : Madame Lulu.
Madame Lulu : [Looking for the next customer] Next.
Mr. N : Madame Lulu, can I have a word with you?
Madame Lulu : Please, not to stand in the way of the paying customers. Next.
Mr. N : Uh, Lulu, these young ladies need some advice.
Madame Lulu : Do you have $5?
[the twins shake their heads no]
Madame Lulu : Next.
Mr. N : Lulu, how would you like for me to tell these nice people that you're not from Romania at all, but you're from Brooklyn?
Madame Lulu : How would you like me to tell these little girls that the closest you ever been to Buckingham Palace is a royal flush?
Mr. N : Oh ha ha ha!
Madame Lulu : All right, make it fast.
Mr. N : These young ladies have an aunt who's going to some sort of witches' gathering tonight, and I thought since these loonies come to you, you may have an idea where they're getting together.
Madame Lulu : I have no idea, next!
Kelly Farmer : But can't you look into your crystal ball?
Madame Lulu : What are you, nuts?
Lynn Farmer : What are you, a phony baloney?
Madame Lulu : [Feeling called out] All right. All right.
[Pretends to look into the future]
Madame Lulu : Yes! The vision is coming to me now. I see a gathering high on a mountaintops where owls call. Hoo! Hoo! OK? Now beat it.
Lynn Farmer : Well, can't you be more specific, like how you get there?
Madame Lulu : What, for a $5 IOU, you want a city map?
[Lynn rotates her wand, causing the crystal ball to actually work, Lulu gasps]
Madame Lulu : What'd she do to my crystal ball? What's going on?
Mr. N : Hey, I recognize that joint! The gathering must be down at the old abandoned warehouse district.
Kelly Farmer : On Halloween?
Mr. N : Hey, that's really good, Lulu. And all this time I thought you were just a fake.
[Madame Lulu faints]
Kelly Farmer : Has she been doing this for very long?
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Lynn Farmer : Are we going to go home now and make our costumes?
Christine Farmer : Well, we're gonna make a short stop on the way home first, just to see somebody.
Lynn Farmer : Okay, just so we don't have to wear the same costumes. That is so dorky. I don't want to look like Kelly.
Kelly Farmer : And I don't want to look like you, either.
Don Farmer : Kelly, Lynn. Well, here we are.
[They park in front of the mansion]
Kelly Farmer : Ooh! What a great house!
Lynn Farmer : Who lives there?
Christine Farmer : My Aunt Agatha.
Kelly Farmer : You have an aunt that lives in a house like that? You never told us about her.
Don Farmer : Well, sweet-pea, she's not exactly what you'd call a close relative.
Kelly Farmer : Is there anything we can do to change that?
Christine Farmer : I think you two better wait in the car with Norman. We won't be long.
Kelly Farmer : How come we can't come?
Christine Farmer : Well, she doesn't like children.
Lynn Farmer , Kelly Farmer : [Together] She doesn't like children?
Don Farmer : [Whispering to the twins] She doesn't like anybody. Come on, let's get this over with.
Christine Farmer : Now, you two be good.
[Lynn climbs over to the driver's seat, pretending to drive]
-
[Lynn and Kelly clean up the remains of the shattered mirror, last lines]
Aunt Agatha : Help me!
[the girls pick up a big piece of the mirror to see it's Aunt Agatha]
Aunt Agatha : I know you will help me.
Kelly Farmer , Lynn Farmer : [Together] No chance.
[They dump the mirror piece in the bucket and walk out together holding hands]
Aunt Agatha : I hate Halloween...
-
Gravedigger : Not in the dark. No, sir. Not on Halloween. No sir. Not so close to midnight!
Lynn Farmer : But you have to take us there!
Gravedigger : There's no telling what terrible things might happen if you try to break that spell. Oh no, I'm staying right here where it's nice and bright!
[Folds his arms]
Lynn Farmer : Oscar,
[Gets up off the table]
Lynn Farmer : Why don't you stay here for a minute?
Oscar : I don't think you should go outside...
[Lynn elbows Oscar]
Oscar : Ow. OK... good idea.
[She walks out]
Oscar : [to Gravedigger] Look, Mr. Gravedigger, you have to help us and fast. You told the girls the spell has to be broken by midnight.
Gravedigger : Did I say that? Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, you could do it anytime, anytime at all. I'd wait til next summer if I were you.
[Lynn turns the lights off, causing Gravedigger to get scared]
Gravedigger : Ahh! This never happened before! I... I don't like the dark.
Lynn Farmer : [Reappears] Gee, the lights went out.
Gravedigger : Yeah.
Lynn Farmer : Well, I guess it's time to go and leave Mr. Gravedigger...
[Pats him on the shoulder]
Lynn Farmer : all alone in the dark.
Gravedigger : [Grabs Lynn] Oh, no, no, no, no, don't go. Don't go, I don't like to be alone in the dark.
[Lets go of her]
Lynn Farmer : If you like, we'll keep you company.
Gravedigger : [Relieved] Oh! Oh, thank you.
Lynn Farmer : On the way to Aunt Agatha's.
[Lynn and Oscar exit. With no other options, Gravedigger grabs his jacket and follows them]
-
Kelly Farmer : Are you asleep?
[Camera pans to the left]
Lynn Farmer : Are you nuts?
[They both get out of bed]
Lynn Farmer : We've been in this house since we were young.
Kelly Farmer : And Norman's been here since he was a puppy, too.
[Kelly takes a seat]
Kelly Farmer : I sure wish Aunt Agatha would give Mom and Dad some money.
Lynn Farmer : If Aunt Sofia were free, she'd help Mom and Dad.
[Thinks]
Lynn Farmer : We have to get the moonstone.
Kelly Farmer : And free Aunt Sofia.
Lynn Farmer : [Whispering somewhat loudly] Do you believe in magic?
Kelly Farmer : Well... I'm open to the idea.
Lynn Farmer : If we go to the witches' gathering, maybe we could get the moonstone.
Kelly Farmer : But we don't know how to get there.
Lynn Farmer : You said you believed in magic.
Kelly Farmer : I said I was open to the idea, I didn't say I'd go to a witches gathering.
Lynn Farmer : We'll do what Dad said and improvise.
Kelly Farmer : Maybe we should try explaining this to Mom and Dad.
Lynn Farmer : Oh, yeah, right."Sure kids. I'll let you stay up until midnight to break the spell." Uh-huh, I can just imagine them saying that.
Kelly Farmer : But maybe they can help us figure it out.
Lynn Farmer : No, this is something we have to do on our own.
Kelly Farmer : I guess so.
[they walk towards Norman]
Kelly Farmer : If we disappear like Aunt Sofia, I'll sure miss Norman.
Lynn Farmer : Norman, we're going on a scary and dangerous mission tomorrow.
Kelly Farmer : But if we don't come back, you make sure to take care of Mom and Dad.
[They hug Norman, who whimpers]
-
Kelly Farmer : [Entering the witches' gathering] Do you see Aunt Agatha?
Lynn Farmer : No, but this is definitely her ilk.
-
Young Aunt Agatha : [During a flashback] I win! Now let's go look for the magic moonstone. Let's look everywhere.
Young Aunt Sofia : And if we find it, we'll make a wish.
Young Aunt Agatha : Yes, we'll make a wish that we're not twins anymore, and that we're completely different.
Young Aunt Sofia : Splendid!
Young Aunt Agatha : Let's split up. You look down in the basement, and I'll look up in the attic.
[They run inside the mansion]
Young Aunt Agatha : [a few minutes later after Agatha finds the moonstone] Sofia! Sofia!
[Runs outside]
Young Aunt Agatha : Sofia! Sofia!
[She hides the moonstone behind her back, Sofia appears]
Young Aunt Sofia : Did you find it? Did you find the moonstone?
Young Aunt Agatha : I... no. I didn't find it. I've been thinking it over. That's just an old story. There's no magic.
Young Aunt Sofia : But the moonstone...
Young Aunt Agatha : It's just make-believe. You don't believe in magic, do you?
Young Aunt Sofia : No, I don't believe in it.
[Flashback ends]
-
Bernard Brewster : Howdy, Bernard Brewster. Real-Estate Division, National General Bank.
[Shakes Christine's hand]
Bernard Brewster : You must be Mrs. Farmer. So glad to meet you.
[Enters the house]
Christine Farmer : What can I do for you?
Bernard Brewster : Well, you know, seeing as you're going in foreclosure on Monday, I thought I'd come by, take a little advanced peek and... this must be the living room.
[Sees Don off-screen]
Bernard Brewster : Howdy, Bernard Brewster. Real-Estate Division, National General Bank. Did you decorate this room yourself?
Don Farmer : [Confused] Uh, yes we did. But...
Bernard Brewster : Nothing a little paint won't fix up.
Don Farmer : Hold on! What?
[Makes a "Who is this guy" expression]
Don Farmer : You can't just come in here! Did you call?
[Follows Bernard]
Bernard Brewster : [Examines the twins' room; Norman barks] It'll look a lot bigger when all the uh... toys are cleared out.
Kelly Farmer : What do you mean, cleared out?
Bernard Brewster : Hey, aren't you two cute? Hey, two... cute. Ha ha ha. I think I'm seeing double.
Don Farmer : [Grabs Bernard] That's it. Out.
Bernard Brewster : [while being escorted out] Hey, what's your problem?
Don Farmer : Out!
Bernard Brewster : Hey look, come on, give me a break.
Don Farmer : Listen, pal, the Real-Estates Division of National General Bank isn't giving me any breaks. Now get out of here, and don't come back without an appointment!
[Long silence. The twins look at Christine and Don, confused]
Don Farmer : Family conference time.
[Cuts to the living room]
Don Farmer : So, what all that stuff means is... because we've had these problems making the payments, the bank wants to take back the house and sell it. But Daddy is not going to let that happen.
Lynn Farmer : But why didn't you tell us? I thought we're all supposed to share our problems.
Kelly Farmer : Yeah, everybody says so. Phil Donahue, Oprah...
Lynn Farmer : Sally Jessy, Larry King...
Kelly Farmer : [Pats her on the shoulder] I think they get the point.
Christine Farmer : We didn't want you to worry. And we were hoping we'd be able to get the money soon. We even tried asking Aunt Agatha for a loan.
[Turns to Don]
Christine Farmer : If only Aunt Sofia were here. She'd help us.
Kelly Farmer : But we don't want to leave this house.
Lynn Farmer : Where will we go?
Don Farmer : [Walks towards the twins to cheer them up] Hey! Hey! We'll figure something out, huh?We'll improvise.
-
[Trying to blend into the crowd]
Lynn Farmer : I would like to get my hands on those twins.
Kelly Farmer : Those little BRATS!
-
[the twins enter the small house]
Lynn Farmer : Hello?
Kelly Farmer : Hello?
[Closes the door]
Kelly Farmer : [Quietly] Hello?
Lynn Farmer : You're gonna have to call louder than that.
Kelly Farmer : You do it.
Lynn Farmer : Hello?
[They continue to search around]
-
[while riding in the pumpkin truck]
Kelly Farmer , Lynn Farmer : [singing together] I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves. I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, and this is how it goes, boom, boom.
[They stop]
-
[Arriving at the witches' gathering]
Oscar : This is the place.
[He parks the Oscarmobile]
Oscar : Come on!
Lynn Farmer : [Passes the wand to Kelly] Your turn.
Oscar : Come on!
Kelly Farmer : How are we going to get past this guy?
Oscar : Just let me do all the talking.
Doorman : Invitations, please.
Oscar : Uh, this are my covenant.
[the doorman blankly stares]
Oscar : I had our invitation, but my black cat ate it.
Kelly Farmer : [Raises the wand] You have a problem with that?
[the magic starts to take control of the doorman]
Doorman : No.
[Allows the group to enter]
-
Gravedigger : If you had my job, you'd be nervous too.
Kelly Farmer : What's your job?
Gravedigger : I'm a gravedigger. That's why I'm digging a grave.
Lynn Farmer : For who?
Gravedigger : Shh! Shh! I'm doing it for very little money. For... Her. It doesn't pay to cross her. Who or what she plans to bury here, I don't know. I don't want to know. Oh, I have to hurry. I'm going home as soon as I can, and I'm not leaving my house again until the day after Halloween!
Lynn Farmer : How come?
Gravedigger : Don't you know what happens on Halloween?
Kelly Farmer : Yeah, you go trick-or-treating!
[Gravedigger shakes his head]
Kelly Farmer : [to Lynn] This guy needs to get out more.
[Lynn nods in agreement]
-
[the twins see their Aunt Agatha for the first time and notice a gem around her neck]
Kelly Farmer , Lynn Farmer : [Together] The moonstone.
-
[Oscar is picking a lock that leads to Aunt Sofia]
Mr. N : Caw! Oscar, you're so slow!
Lynn Farmer : Keep working on it Oscar. I have to do something.
[Heads back downstairs]
Mr. N : Where you going?
-
[Searching for Aunt Sofia]
Aunt Sofia : [Loudly off-screen] Help me!
Lynn Farmer : Aunt Sofia? Aunt Sofia.
Aunt Sofia : [Off-screen] Help me!
[Lynn flips the hallway lights on, continues to search around]
Lynn Farmer : Sofia.
Aunt Sofia : [Off-screen] Help me!
Lynn Farmer : Aunt Sofia.
[She turns on the lights to another hallway]
Aunt Sofia : [Off-screen] I'm in the attic!
[Lynn opens the door that leads to the attic]
Aunt Sofia : I'm in the attic!
Lynn Farmer : Quick! Up here!
[She runs upstairs]
-
Aunt Agatha : My colleagues, gatherers, comrades... Count?
[a man solutes to Agatha]
Aunt Agatha : Um, before I begin our convolution and the cry of curses, let me first mention an emergency that I see as a juicy challenge for the entire group, one I think you will enjoy helping me to solve. Seven years ago, I cast a powerful spell, a spell that banished my sweet, namby-pamby twin sister to a life of lonely isolation on the other side of a mirror.
[the crowd applause]
Aunt Agatha : Naughty me.
Witch #3 : She's good. She is very good.
Mr. N : Oscar, let's go. I have an idea.
Aunt Agatha : Tonight at midnight, the spell becomes permanent.
Oscar : Come on. Follow me.
[They leave]
Aunt Agatha : But, there are those who would interfere with my spell, who seek to undo all my bad work. The ones who resist me are very young.
Witch #2 : Kids these days have no respect.
Witch #3 : Children are sick!
Aunt Agatha : The ones that resist me are sisters, a set of twins. And why have I asked you to help me?
Witch #2 : [Along with the rest of the crowd] Why? Why?
Kelly Farmer : Why?
Aunt Agatha : Because the twins are here, among us!
Lynn Farmer : I'd like to get my hands on those twins.
Kelly Farmer : Those little BRATS!
-
Aunt Sofia : [Freed from the mirror] I'm back!
[Hugs Lynn and Kelly as they giggle with joy]
Aunt Agatha : [Shocked] How can this be? It's after midnight!
Lynn Farmer : No, it's not! I pushed the clock ahead by five minutes!
Aunt Agatha : You sneaky, despicable, underhanded...
Lynn Farmer : No sense of humor?
Kelly Farmer : Your witching days are over!
George : [Confused] Where am I?
Aunt Agatha : It is not midnight yet, there's still time!
-
Mr. N : [Coming out from under the bridge] Don't I know you?
Kelly Farmer : You're the windshield guy!
Lynn Farmer : We always see you in that corner over there.
Mr. N : [Thinks for a moment] Ah. You're the ones who gave me the pineapple lollipops!
[the twins nod]
Mr. N : Well you, you shouldn't be here alone!
[Climbing up]
Mr. N : What, what are you doing out by yourselves? You should go home.
Kelly Farmer : Not until we find Aunt Agatha and get her moonstone!
Lynn Farmer : And break the magic spell on Aunt Sofia!
Mr. N : Hold it, time out, un momento, por favor. You lost me back at the part about the moonstone. What is a moonstone?
Lynn Farmer : It's this gem that she has.
Mr. N : Gem? Is it valuable?
Kelly Farmer : Oh yes, 200 years old!
Mr. N : Interesting. And you're going to get this gem by yourselves?
Lynn Farmer : Sure.
Mr. N : Hmm.
[while walking]
Mr. N : Two little girls traveling with an expensive gem stone. Someone might try to steal it. I better go along and protect you.
Lynn Farmer : It could come in handy having a grown-up along.
Kelly Farmer : OK, Mr...
Mr. N : Plato Naufzagger
Lynn Farmer : A plate of what?
Mr. N : [a little irritated] Just call me Mr. N for short.
Kelly Farmer : I'm Kelly.
Lynn Farmer : I'm Lynn.
[Mr. N laughs, the three shake hands]
Kelly Farmer : We know Aunt Agatha is going to a witches' gathering, but we don't know where it is.
Lynn Farmer : Do you know where it could be?
Mr. N : So say she's in a group. Halloween always brings out the loonies. Speaking of loonies, I know just the one who might be able to help us. She's not far.
-
[Mr. N jumps in front of the Farmer's windshield to clean it]
Don Farmer : [Nervously] Uh, uh, uh, thanks. But um... could you not do that, please? I... I don't have any spare change.
Mr. N : Uh-uh, I'll take plastic, dollars, lighters, yen, lira, simoleons, loonies.
Kelly Farmer : [Kelly and Lynn hand him lollipops] Be sure to brush your teeth afterwards.
Lynn Farmer : Don't forget to floss.
Mr. N : [Looks disappointed] What's this?
Kelly Farmer , Lynn Farmer : [Together] It's pineapple!
Mr. N : What am I going to do with pineapple? I hate pineapple!
-
[riding in a pumpkin truck]
Mr. N : Well, here we are. Of course, if there was any justice, I would have a limo and a chauffeur.
Lynn Farmer : And a bill you couldn't pay.
Mr. N : Yes, ladies. Money is the key and I want lots and lots of it. Heh heh.
Lynn Farmer : Have you ever tried working for it?
Mr. N : Hey, there are limits. Besides, saving your house and finding your long-lost aunt, what else are you going to wish for?
Kelly Farmer : I want to be a doctor when I grow up.
Lynn Farmer : I wanted to be a doctor first!
Kelly Farmer : We can both be doctors.
Mr. N : Yes. I would like to be a doctor also.
Kelly Farmer : So you can save people's lives?
Mr. N : So I can pull down 300 grand a year and drive the Mercedes. Heh heh heh.
