- Albert Einstein: Are you thinking what I am thinking?
- Ed Walters: Well what would be the odds of that happening?
- Louis Bamberger: "New Jersey: Leader in Intergalactic Rocket Exploration." How's that sound for a license plate?
- Ed Walters: Long?
- Nathan Liebknecht: Ahh, he threw the racket up to get the birdie. He threw Godel's cane up there to get the racket.
- Kurt Godel: I threw Podolsky's golf club up there to get even with him!
- Catherine Boyd: You took Albert Einstein for a ride on that thing?
- Ed Walters: Sure.
- Catherine Boyd: Well don't ever do that again!
- Ed Walters: Come on. He loved it. He went Wahoo.
- Catherine Boyd: Wahoo?
- Ed Walters: When's the last time he said Wahoo?
- Catherine Boyd: Well I'm sure I don't know.
- Ed Walters: When's the last time *you* said Wahoo?
- Catherine Boyd: Well I'm *sure* I don't know.
- Boris Podolsky: James! How's the rat business?
- James Moreland: Well, actually it's mostly students I'm experimenting on now.
- Kurt Godel: My God, the mazes must be enormous.
- [showing Ed Walters a four-in-one pen]
- Louis Bamberger: Look at that - red, green, black! It's like having four pens in one! What an exciting time to be alive!
- Bob Rosetti: You're Albert Einstein!
- Albert Einstein: Yes.
- Bob Rosetti: E equals M C squared!
- Albert Einstein: [laughs] I hope so.
- Ed Walters: Frank, this is Albert Einstein, the smartest man in the world.
- Frank: [greeting Einstein] How they hanging?
- Albert Einstein: Catherine is my niece.
- Ed Walters: She's your niece?
- Albert Einstein: Yes
- Ed Walters: She's... your niece?
- Albert Einstein: I can't have a niece?
- Ed Walters: But that makes you... her uncle.
- Albert Einstein: It works nicely, doesn't it?
- Catherine Boyd: [expressing her disbelief in Ed's scientific credentials] He is a mechanic!
- Albert Einstein: I was a clerk in a patent office. Faraday was a carpenter. Isaac Newton was an insurance salesman.
- Ed Walters: You see, you have a Lucas type four generator on a 12-volt system, and you know the British. They'd rather spend time gluing wood on a dashboard than getting the electrical system right.
- James Moreland: Fascinating, but what is wrong with the car?
- Ed Walters: [while looking at Catherine Boyd] Well, my guess is your stroke is too short and you're getting premature ignition. Does it ever feel that way?
- Catherine Boyd: I need to call a phone. Do you mind if I use your cab?
- Ed Walters: There's a cab in the office.
- [explaining to Ed how he should tell Catherine that he's not a physicist]
- Bob Rosetti: It's not that hard. You just call her up and say, "Hello, I'm a lying grease monkey."
- James Moreland: [referring to Ed] I was wrong about him. He is not an idiot-savant at all. He is the real thing. He is an idiot-idiot!
- Albert Einstein: If you had had a nickel for every nickel that he has, you would have a lot of nickels.
- [Albert turns the rudder of the sailboat causing Catherine to fall into Ed's lap]
- Catherine Boyd: Uncle Albert!
- Albert Einstein: I'm steering ze boat...
- James Moreland: Now, the mouse has learned that the red lever will give him an electrical stimulus in the brain that's something akin to sexual climax; and the blue lever will dispense him food. Now, this one here hasn't eaten for three days...
- James Moreland: [the mouse goes to the red lever, triggering the light] Now, why would he do that?
- [Albert Einstein, dumbfounded, doesn't say anything but looks at James with a look that doesn't really need an explanation]
- Ed Walters: ...nuclear configuration, is given given by the expectation value of the nuclear Hamiltonian of the state of n neutrons and n protons. Reaction will occur if the energy of the fused state is lower than the energy of the two separate nuclei.
- Ed Walters: Go on. Go on.
- Ed Walters: Our task is to see if the dynamics dictated by the interaction Hamiltonian generates a sufficiently rapid reaction to make cold fusion powered engines feasible.
- James Moreland: [referring to Ed] I mean, it's not as if he has never shown signs of *normal* intelligence.
- Catherine Boyd: Think of that! Nuclear fusion.
- James Moreland: I suppose these things happen. Idiot-savant, you know. A mental patient plays perfect chess. A nine year old from Alabama suddenly starts speaking in iambic pentameter...