Junior (1994)
Danny DeVito: Dr. Larry Arbogast
Photos
Quotes
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Dr. Diana Reddin : What do you mean, what am I doing here? It's my baby, not yours!
Larry : Hey. I put it in there.
Dr. Diana Reddin : It's MY EGG!
Larry : Yeah, just 'cause your egg's in some guy doesn't make you the mother!
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Dr. Alex Hesse : I've noticed that the side effects of pregnancy are greatly amplified... With the dosage of Expectane that l've required. The morning sickness, the mood swings. Sleepiness, sexual appetite.
Larry : Sexual appetite?
Dr. Alex Hesse : Yesterday, just scooping the middle out of a honeydew melon gave me a - A "Steifen".
Larry : A what? Oh. That's normal. I get 'em all the time.
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[Dr. Hesse has to explain why he looks so 'masculine' at a pregnant women's retreat]
Dr. Alex Hesse : When I was a sportswoman on the East German Olympic Track and Field team, they dispensed anabolic steroids as freely as here in America they dole out Gator-Ade.
Larry : They pushed it on them, you know.
Dr. Alex Hesse : Nothing was explained about the side affects which have become so obvious and painfully apparent,
[tearfully]
Dr. Alex Hesse : but I am *all woman*.
Larry : Believe you me.
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Larry : You think you're the first clown whoever woke up and said "I'm bored, I think I'll have a kid!"
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Larry : Let's put a bun in your oven.
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Larry : Typical. I can't tell you how many times I've heard pregnant women complain: "I just wish a man could go through this." You finally do it, and what do you get? Attitude and insults.
Dr. Alex Hesse : No kidding.
Larry : Tell me about it.
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Dr. Diana Reddin : [at Jake and Junior's first birthday party, Diana is heavily pregnant] I might need to pee again.
Angela : I don't miss that part.
Dr. Alex Hesse : Me neither.
Dr. Diana Reddin : You should have another one, Angela. Jake could use a little brother or a sister.
Angela : I'd like to. But I don't think I could go through all of that again.
Dr. Alex Hesse : It doesn't necessarily *have* to be you.
[they all look at each other, then at Larry]
Larry : Oh, no! NO! NO! NO!
[Larry flees, they all pursue him]
Dr. Alex Hesse : Larry, it's the most wonderful experience...... .
[fade to end credits]
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Dr. Alex Hesse : If I carry this baby to term it will be a miracle. I would love, protect and nurture that miracle with everything I have in me.
Larry : Stop it!
Dr. Alex Hesse : No I don't *stop it!* I want my *BABY!*
[they stop talking when they realize they are in the waiting room surrounded by pregnant women]
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Dr. Alex Hesse : I never realized how lonely I was.
Larry : Get a dog!
