Roadracers (1994 TV Movie)

David Arquette: Dude Delaney

Quotes 

• Dude : How'd you fare with that little number the other night?

  Nixer : Oh, I got the muff punt.

  Dude : Should've at least tea bagged her.

  Nixer : Tea bag her? What's that?

  Dude : It's when you drop one of your nads in and out her mouth.

  [they both laugh] 

• Dude : Get the big part?

  Nixer : Nearly had her going.

  Donna : Are you sure she didn't have you going?

  Nixer : Only below the belly button.

  Donna : What?

  Nixer : Don't worry, I let it drain into my boot.

• Nixer : [Dude has just combed an enormous amount of grease into his hair]  Little dab'll do ya.

  Dude : Hell on wheels.

  [laughs] 

• Sarge : Y'know, I'm so close to kickin' your ass right now, I can damn near taste it.

  Dude : It's got a bit of a whang to it, don't it?

• Teddy Leather : You burned my girlfriend's hair off, Dude. Now she's wearing a fucking wig. She looks like an old You burned my girlfriend's hair off, Dude. Now she's wearin' a fuckin' wig.

  [pauses then yells] 

  Teddy Leather : She looks like an old lady!lady!

  Dude : I thought she was your old lady.

  [Nixer laughs] 

  Dude : I'll tell you what, you bring her over here, take off that wig. Daddy'll give her a free spit shine. Ptoo.

  [rings bell on counter] 

• Nixer : [Dude pulls a bottle out of his refrigerator]  Throw me one of those, Dude.

  Dude : You couldn't catch crabs in a whorehouse.

• Dude : [Sarge approaches Dude's car after pulling him over]  What's all the hubbub, bub?

• Dude : You're very selfish, Dude. You don't give a damn about my dreams.

  Dude : Those are my dreams, Donna, not yours. Catch a ride with the tide.

  [starts engine and drives away]