Billy Madison (1995)
Bridgette Wilson-Sampras: Veronica Vaughn
Photos
Quotes
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Billy Madison : Hey I'm trying to score points with the teacher today. DON'T SCREW IT UP.
3rd Grader : I dare you to touch her boobs.
Billy Madison : Touch her boobs? That's assault brotha. You double dare me?
Billy Madison : [walks down the bus to the teacher] Uhhh Miss Vaughn, I was wondering how long there's to get there, I need to go to the bathroom.
Veronica Vaughn : Not too long now...
[Billy pretends to fall on her, while groping her]
Billy Madison : Oh, I'm sorry! Damn bus driver drives like an animal!
Veronica Vaughn : That's alright, Billy, why don't you go back and sit now?
[smiling]
Veronica Vaughn : I double dare you.
Billy Madison : [Stuttering] That... tit... accident...
Veronica Vaughn : Go back to your seat now.
Billy Madison : ...I... Yes...
[looking embarrassed now]
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Veronica Vaughn : Good morning, class.
Third Grade Class : Good morning, Miss Vaughan.
Veronica Vaughn : We're going to start today by reading together a short story entitled "My Sister Fanny".
[the class laughs]
Veronica Vaughn : Quiet. So let's all open our "Reading Is Fun" books to page sixty nine.
Billy Madison : Sixty nine!
[laughs]
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Billy Madison : [Veronica has taken Billy out of the classroom after making fun of the kid trying to read My sister Fanny] OW! You're tearing my ear off.
[Sits down on chair]
Veronica Vaughn : [scolding Billy in the hallway] Making fun of a little kid for trying to read. Are you psycho? Do you not have a soul?
Billy Madison : I'm sorry I can't hear you. I've been physically abused in the ear.
Veronica Vaughn : You keep your mouth shut for the next two weeks or I'm going to fail you. End of story.
[Goes back into classroom]
Billy Madison : I see your lips moving but I can't make out the words. I'm deaf. Oh Veronica Vaughn so hot want to touch the heiney.
[Howls like a wolf]
Billy Madison : Arrroooooooo!
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Veronica Vaughn : So it's um, the last day of third grade, and you have the teacher alone in your tent, what do you want to do?
Billy Madison : Well I can think of three things I'd like to do. One would involve some ice cubes and a nine iron. Two would include a buffalo...
Veronica Vaughn : Really?
Billy Madison : ...Live or stuffed, preferably stuffed for safety sake, and three, we bring back some of those ice cubes and switch it over to a pitching wedge.
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Veronica Vaughn : [to Billy] No milk will ever be our milk.
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Veronica Vaughn : So what's it like, being back in school?
Billy Madison : I don't know. I kinda feel like an idiot sometimes. Although I am an idiot, so it kinda works out.
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Kyle : Hey, I dare you to throw your sandwich at the bus driver.
[Dan throw's sandwhich at the bus driver]
Bus Driver : HEY!
Veronica Vaughn : Hey who threw that?
Bus Driver : I'll turn this damn bus around! That'll end your precious field trip pretty damn quick huh! Little shit!
[quivers lips up and down while face gets red]
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Billy Madison : Bunt. B-U-N-T, in perfect cursive. Any more brain busters?
Veronica Vaughn : "Rizzuto"?
[Billy ponders, then writes]
Veronica Vaughn : Rirruto?
Billy Madison : Those're Z's.
Veronica Vaughn : They look like R's to me.
Billy Madison : That's not fair! Rizzuto's not a word! He's a baseball player! You're cheating!
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Veronica Vaughn : [singing] Don't I have a nice rack?
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Veronica Vaughn : Don't you think it's a little pathetic that just because of who your is Father, you get to do school all over again?
Brian Madison : Yes, I do.
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Veronica Vaughn : Norman invasion of England.
Billy Madison : 1066.
Veronica Vaughn : That is correct. The Magna Carta.
Billy Madison : 1215.
Veronica Vaughn : Yes. Spanish Armada.
Billy Madison : 1466. '67. 1469. 1514. 1981? 1986? Please do not do that. Come on, I swear... Just hang in there one second. Please, God, give me the answer!
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[last lines]
Veronica Vaughn : [to Billy] You think he's horny? Come here.
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Veronica Vaughn : You know some people have no will power, no ambition. They just drift through life like lumps of crap.
Jack : [lying on the floor hungover] What is she talking about?
