John Terlesky: Reed Garfield

Quotes 

• Reed : My brother ate a lot of bugs as a kid. In a way, I blame myself.

  Billy : Why?

  Reed : I was shoving them in his mouth.

• Reed : Trust me. One look at this and you won't be thinking about sex.

  [Plays video tape.] 

  Matt : Grandma?

  Reed : It's her 75th birthday party. This is where she kisses you on the mouth.

• Billy : Hey, come on, Reed. Marriage is about compromise. It's alright if he gives in once in a while.

  Reed : He always gives in.

  Billy : Oh yeah. Say Matt, when you play baseball, what do you scratch?

• Kate : I know I haven't lived her that long, but I thought you were the kind of guys that could appreciate women for more than just their bodies.

  Reed : Kate, as a feminist, I resent that.

  [pause] 

  Reed : Hey, it gets me laid.

• Billy : Look, it's not his fault. His mother made sure he got daily x-rays.

  Reed : Well at least my crib light wasn't a french fry lamp.

  Kate : Why do men always show affection by putting each other down?

  Billy : Oh that's just when women are around. As soon as you leave, we're gonna highlight our hair and bitch about our hips.

• [Billy tracks Reed down at an ice fishing shack.] 

  Reed : What are you doing here?

  Billy : Well, I was uh taking out the trash and I thought of you.

• Billy : Why'd you do it?

  Reed : What do you want me to say? I had the money and was just too cheap to give it to you?

  Billy : I want the truth.

  Reed : Alright. I had the money and I was just too cheap to give it to you.

  [Exhales] 

  Reed : Feels good to get that off my chest.

• Reed : Remember those five teamsters I flew out to Lake Alexander? They gave me a huge tip... which is weird because I only brought four of them back.