101 Dalmatians (1996)

Hugh Laurie: Jasper

Photos 

Quotes 

• Jasper : [Trying to start the van]  You just had to let those puppies get away, didn't you? Never paying attention.

  Horace : Well, where was you?

  Jasper : Where was? I was not splashing about in the pond. You've infuriated the old bag, and if we don't get those puppies back it is quite literally our heads!

  [trying to start the engine again] 

  Jasper : Oh, come on! Right, you better get out and check the tailpipe. We've got a condensation problem.

  Horace : [threateningly]  One of these days I'm gonna be full up of you!

  Horace : [Gets out] 

  Jasper : [Makes a face at him; Horace walks around to the back of the van, squats down and peers into the exhaust pipe, while Jasper desperately tries again to start the engine]  Oh, do come on!

  [Taps the gas pedal. The exhaust pipe explodes sending a clogged pear and a lot of exhaust into Horace's face] 

  Jasper : There, ya see?

• Horace : [still shivering after falling through the frozen pond]  Turn on the heater on, will ya?

  Jasper : No! Not with this thing acting the way she is; I don't want to risk losing power.

  Horace : I can't stand the cold no more. I want heat!

  [turns the heat on himself; the system shorts and the car catches on fire from the heater] 

  Horace : FIRE! Too hot! Too hot!

• Horace : You know, this house is creepy. I'm starving hungry, and so far we haven't been paid one bloody quid.

  Jasper : Oh, will you stop moaning?

• Horace : [to Jasper]  I'll be honest with you mate. This job is fast losing it's charm. The housing stinks, the food's lousy, the lavatory facilities are appalling and so far we haven't made as much as one quid.

  Jasper : [Annoyed]  Oh you will stop moaning? Look this time tomorrow night it's all over. We get our boodle, we'll be out of here before you can say dead puppies. Now go to sleep.

• Jasper : All right. Now, let me tell you something about this bloke, Skinner, before we meet him. Now, supposedly, when he was quite young, his dog tore open his throat and ripped out his vocal cords, leaving him brutally scarred and completely mute. He cannot talk at all. Now, pay... Look at me. Pay attention, this is very important. There are two things you must not do with Skinner. All right. One. Do not look at the horrendous scar on his neck. Two. Don't talk to him. Understand? Not a word.

  Horace : Right.

  [Skinner answers the door and looks at Horace] 

  Horace : Oh! Look at the size of that scar. No bloody wonder you can't talk, mate.

  Skinner : [let out a wheezing Growl and glares at Horace threateningly] 

  Jasper : [to Skinner; politely]  Excuse me just a minute, would you?

  [closes the door and punches Horace] 

  Horace : [Horace falls down] 

• Jasper : [as they meet up to discuss their plan for Cruella's coat]  Ah, ma'am, what a beautiful day it is out there! Sun shining, blue skies, the laughter of schoolchildren riding on the gentle breeze.

  Cruella De Vil : Get on with it, you imbecile!

• [Horace is about to get out of the car, but gets caught on Jasper's mask] 

  Jasper : [thinking he's trying to take it]  Fetch your own!

• Jasper : [grabbing one of the puppies by the scruff of its neck after it bites him, then stuffing it into a bag; speaks through his gritting teeth at first]  All right, come here, you... spotty little... dog!

• Horace : [Kipper awakens Horace]  Did you hear that?

  Jasper : What?

  Horace : That noise!

  Jasper : What noise?

  Horace : That noise I just heard. Did you hear it?

  Jasper : [Sarcastically]  Oh yeah. Yeah, it sounds like an irritating Berk asking me so many irritating questions. Oh good it has stopped now.

• Horace : [Horace and Jasper turn themselves in and are sitting locked up in a police van]  This is lovely.

  Jasper : Isn't it? Nice and warm.

  Horace : No animals neither.

  [Horace hears a growl and looks round terrified and nudges Jasper. Skinner is also arrested and it is implied he was attacked by Kipper. He stares at them in a threating manner. Both Horace and Jasper nervously grin sheepishly] 

  Horace : .

• Jasper : [sees that there are raccoons in his truck and honking his horn]  OI! Get out of my truck!

  Horace : YEAH!

• Horace : [Surprised]  Look... . tracks.

  Jasper : [Discovers alongside Horace the dalmatian's footsteps]  I love you.

• Horace : Did you hear that?

  Jasper : What?

  Horace : That noise.

  Jasper : What noise?

  Horace : That noise I just heard. Do you hear it?

  Jasper : Oh yeah. Sounded like an complete burk asking me irritating questions. Oh, good, it's stopped now.

• Skinner : [opens up the trunk and pulls up a coffin] 

  Jasper : [holding a tool]  God, bloody gruesome line of work you're in, Skinner.

  Horace : [looks at the killed animals]  Sight of all these deceased creatures gives me a shrinky winky.

  Skinner : [looks at Horace and he keeps looking while holding a suitcase, and hands over to Jasper] 

  Jasper : Much obliged, sunshine.

  Horace : [smiles at Skinner]