Carpool (1996)

David Paymer: Daniel Miller

Photos 

Quotes 

• Travis : I'm not crazy.

  Daniel : I didn't say you were.

  Travis : I was tested, ya know.

  Daniel : Well then you obviously cheated.

• [location: in their van which is inside a refrigeration truck] 

  Andrew : It's freezing.

  Franklin : Huddle together if you're cold, I'll turn on the heat.

  Daniel : That's brilliant. See in order to get heat you have to turn on the engine, thereby trapping the fumes and rendering us all dead by asphixiation.

  Franklin : In that case forget the heat. Hey who farted? Did you cut the cheese, Dan?

  Daniel : For God's sake, no I did not.

  Franklin : How about you, Kayla?

  Kayla : Girls don't fart.

  Franklin : Really? Come over to my house sometime and ask my mom why all our cats committed suicide.

• Daniel : What are you doing?

  Franklin : Driving into the back of a truck, Dan, you ever watch the A-Team?

• Edith : What adorable children.

  Daniel : You want'em? 'Cause I'll sell them to you real cheap.

• Daniel : [about the ferris wheel]  I'm not getting on that death trap.

  Franklin : Oh we won that law suit.

  Daniel : Huh?

  Franklin : Okay we tied, but it's still safe. Come on, I'll show you how to operate it. It's so easy a trained monkey could do it and it did until that uproar with the Humane Society.

• Daniel : Can't one of the neighbors drive the carpool? What about Mr. Kopek?

  Mrs. Miller : He's 88.

  Daniel : So he'll drive real slow.

  Mrs. Miller : He's had three strokes.

  Daniel : But never while driving.

• Franklin : Uh oh. I dropped my wallet. I can't drive without a driver's license, you'll have to switch with me.

  Daniel : I don't think that rule applies when committing a felony.

  Franklin : Oh, right.

• [They are listening to a heavy metal song] 

  Franklin : Great tape. This yours?

  Daniel : Oh yeah, I got everything by the Screaming Idiots.

  Franklin : This is the Ramones, actually, I haven't heard the Idiots yet, maybe you can turn me on to them.

• [Andrew got an F on his spelling test] 

  Andrew : Mrs. Karkanie is giving me a do over. She says everyone get's a second chance.

  Daniel : That's only because she's been married 5 times. Let me tell you something, sport, in the business world there are no second chances.

• Franklin : Hey there, Dan, you're late.

  Daniel : Well I didn't take our usual shortcut through the mall.

• Daniel : Believe me, Hammerman's is better than mud.

  Bucky : Is that gonna be your new Hammerman's slogan, Dad?

• [Daniel races for the phone. Franklin stops him] 

  Franklin : No calls! That is, no obscene calls. He's trying to quit.

  Daniel : I am not.

  Franklin : Well you should! What's your phone number?

  Daniel : 9-1-1.

  Franklin : Very funny. Do realize if I get arrested you won't make your meeting because you'll be filling out police reports until next October.

• Andrew : I want to be the hostage!

  Kayla : How come I never get to be the hostage?

  Travis : That's because you're a girl.

  Bucky : Hey, girls can be hostages, too. I mean, we're moving toward the twenty-first century and girls can be whatever they want.

  Kayla : Right on, sister.

  Daniel : Ok, quiet down or nobody gets to be the hostage!

  Bucky : Well, that made sense, dad.

• Andrew : Look, Mr. Kopek's working in his yard.

  Daniel : Yeah. Let this be a lesson to you kids, the world says that he's too old to drive a car but look at him, he's a vibrant, healthy old man who can do anything he put's his mind to.

  Andrew : Dad, Mr. Kopek's not wearing his pants.

  Daniel : Yeah so from now on you kids stay away from him okay?